What is the right thing to do?

Janepig

I just think that from what the OP has written about what happened as recently as Christmastime, she's certainly not ready to see the error of her ways yet and a card and/or present is only going to serve to make the OP feel better. But I think she knows that the family are there for her, and more importantly they (including the OP) know that they are there for her, but that doesn't mean they have to put up with her behaviour now.

Jxx

Sweetpeanut

Feel Really Sorry For You, This Must Be A Horrible Situation To Be In, But You Have Got Her A Card, Just Wish Her Happy Birthday, Give Her The Card And Walk Away, Lets Hope 1 Day She Will Realize The Pain She Has Caused, Until That Time, Give Her A Wide Berth. Stop Worrying Yourself, Bet You She Does'nt Worry This Much. Take Care;)

FingersCrossed_2

Thanks again guys - this is helping.

I do speak to my parents about it and I am very close to my youngest brother. He is still at home so he has it the hardest as can't escape from it. It is difficult with my parents, especially my mum. She makes a lot of excuses for my sister - 'she's trying really hard' or 'she's been good recently'. We are all trying to cope in our own way and mum copes by burying her head in the sand a lot of the time. This causes more friction as there is no joint approach from her and my dad. Dad would be harder but then he gets sucked in too as sister is the master at telling lies. It has cost them their relationship as there marriage is totally damaged by this. After last year the family decided she couldn't live there again as she;d done such terrible things. They continued to support her and she was in supported accommodation with a drugs worker after making a lucky escape from a possible jail sentence. Within a few weeks she told my mum some fabricated sob story and once again my mum let her back home. Again, this has totally damaged my mum and dads relationship with my youngest brother as they 'choose' her over him all the time. They aren't protecting him and he is the victim.

I asked my youngest bro what he was getting her and he said 'same as she got me for Christmas - nothing'. Again, he's not materialistic but like me hates the way she is so dismissive of my parents efforts. And I think every Christmas with my 85 year old granny should be cherished no matter what states we're in as a family!!!

I like the photo idea but know for a fact it will end up under a pile of rubbish in her room or something. That will just hurt me more.

I think i'll give her the card and not a present. She got lots from me for Christmas which eases the guilt a bit. And I guess that;s all i;m trying to do - ease my guilt and not upset the family.

Looks like this has turned in to me seeking a counselling session rather than the answer to a simple question. Thanks guys. Sometimes these things just need to come out I guess.

shopndrop

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

PurpleK8

really feeling for you, also for your mum as its obviously 21 years since she gave birth to your sister. Maybe it would help if you marked the occasion by giving your mum some flowers or something, I'm sure it would take a bit of her pain away realising what a good job she has done with you and you wouldn't feel guilty about not getting your sister something as you'd done something nice for your mum xx

Lara44

Yes, just a card is fine I think. As the other poster said so wisely above, it shows acknowledgment but not that things have gone back to being 'okay'.

Susan_Frost

I think just a card is fine. You're acknowledging the birthday and leave it at that. I agree, the photo idea would probably just hurt you when you find it abandoned somewhere.

LittleTinker

Why dont you kick her while she is down?

I find that a really good way to push someone over the edge!

Stephb1986_2

I think a card is fine too I have the same problem with my older brother every year i make an effort of getting something nice for everyone on birthdays and christmas for a few years he didn't get me anything for my birthday or christmas in the end i got sick of buying and not even getting a thanks or a present in return so now i dont bother

He's moaned at my mum about me not buying him anything but she said what do you expect if you dont buy her anything.

Steph xx

Janepig

LittleTinker wrote: »

Why dont you kick her while she is down?

I find that a really good way to push someone over the edge!

Or why not just lavish her with gifts to give her the message that her behaviour is perfectly acceptable (not forgetting that the OP has not gone into detail as to the horrible things her sister has done). I'm sure once she's sold them off she can buy a couple of ten bags with the proceeds. Happy birthday!

She is the one being entirely selfish and self-centred here, not the OP or her family who seem to have done all they can to support this woman.

Jxx