Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

sandy71

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing ok sorry I did read it all but my memory is so bad I can't remember who said what

Not a good day today, not having my meds at a high enough dose is really starting to have a bad effect.
Its my Grandmas 90th birthday today so we all went to the nursing home for a party. She suffers from dementia and it was just awful, we used to be so close but now she has no idea who I am and it breaks my heart.
I kept up the happy front there but when we got home I just cried, its just one more thing on top of everything else that seems to want to push me over the edge.

LadyMorticia

*hugs* to everyone that needs them.

Went out for a meal for OH's birthday which was a struggle. I hate eating at the best of times. Eating in public places just makes me feel worse.
Oh well. I managed it nonetheless.

Blakespops

absolutebounder wrote: »

Sorry I wasnt trying to be confrontational. I was just wondering how far the NHS was expected to go on a sunday. I think what was offered was the best that anyone could expect and dont know what else could really be offered in the circumstances.
i know that when I was really worried I had something wrong I was quite happy to go and be checked over in a hospital. that was on a saturday.

MMMMMM is Health time bound to only happen during business hours now? is that what you think the NHS should be?

I was back at my specialist this week and the junior doctor i got to see seemed to think that a lack of activity was my problem. Pointed out that I was running my own business in retail before my back problem started and i used to go gym 5 times a week. now i go swimming three times a week but if i try to walk i fall and had a fall that broke a rib on the left. his answer was try going the swimming pool twice or three times a day not a week. mmmmm very helpfull. asked how soon since he passed his exams to become a doctor and he said eight weeks ago. I walked out and said I know you have to start some place but please.

The NHS just winds people up more when your down with illness, not help you.

System

crazy_girl wrote: »

thanks wwp x

btw, how do you go about getting a cpn?

CG-I don't have one either. Basically i asked my GP and psychiatrist. Normally because i am having CBT they won't let me have both but both GP and Psych think i could benefit, and pysch is on a CMHT team with a CPN and ASW so said she'd see what they say, i have an assessment in 2 weeks. If tyou think it will benefit you then all you can do is keep asking, explain you feel you need the extra support right now. And don't let them put you off.

I was told by a counsellor that she didn't think the psychiatrist would take me on, and by the psych that i'd never get dla, but since getting to know me and my condition both have changed their mind. So keep asking hun.

Unity-thanks for the kind words. Not had another episode since but still cant stop myself checking rooms just in case

blackpaw, sorry you're having a bad reaction and weird dreams. i dremnt last night my bf had hired a hitman to kill me :eek: and i keep getting dreams where i am trying to run away but my legs won't work. hope things improve for you

hello to witchwoopiggyhope you are ok

jennihen-glad you got things sorted with the junk mail delievery peep, bet his face was a picture when you caught him!!

sandy 71
-sorry seeing your nan was difficult for you, it must be very hard to see someone you love that way, but at least you were there with her and that's the best you can do. can you speak to anyone about having your meds increased?


LadyM-well done for going out for a meal for OH's birthday, although you felt it was a struggle be proud of yourself because you did it

Blakespops-the NHS can be very hit and miss. Have had good expereinces and bad. One being how i was treated after my OD in summer. Sometimes feel if they'd had the option they'd have happily left me to die..but anyway. You're doing a hell of a lot more exercise than me right now..i hope i can get myself as active as you are

sandy71

Hope everyone is ok today.

jennihen you do make me laugh, I wish I could be as positive as you.

crazy_girl and messedup I dont know much about BPD but wanted to send you big hugs. I had to have my meds reduced due to a severe reaction, I am switching to a new one but it has to be done very slowly.

Black paw hope you had a better night last night and better dreams.

Hugs to everyone else. xxxx

LadyMorticia

I have my CPN appointment this afternoon.

I feel like there is so much to discuss and I struggle with saying how I feel to people. When someone asks how I am, I usually just reply quietly with "I'm okay".

I really need to work on that. =/

crazy_girl

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

hey all how goes it? hope the black dogs are behaving themselves.



Not been on here in a few days. Mainly because i had an..episode, the other night. Bf would probably say it was a psychotic. For a long time i've heard HER in my head. Usually i refer to her as "bad me". When i've hurt myself and done things before i usually don't rmember but i've had her thoughts in my head before i've done it. The other night i saw her. She was there. Stood by my bed. Staring at me. She was real. I kept telling her to shut up and go away, not sure how long that went on for. Bf says he found me shouting at "nothing", crying and psychically shaking. He kept telling me she wasn't real. But i saw her. So how can she not be real? And i think he thinks i'm making it up but i'm not. I saw her and i have never been so !!!!ing terrified in all my life i keep having to check the rooms to make sure she isn't there. Suffice to say this has stressed him out even more. seeing my psych on thursday but have no idea how to explain this. i'm sorry i'm rambelling on.i'm scared she'll come back

((((huge hugs)))) that must have been really scary, how are you feeling now?

crazy_girl

LadyMorticia wrote: »

I have my CPN appointment this afternoon.

I feel like there is so much to discuss and I struggle with saying how I feel to people. When someone asks how I am, I usually just reply quietly with "I'm okay".

I really need to work on that. =/

i do that too. maybe in future when people ask me how i am i should be honest.

crazy_girl

horrible night last night, hubby ended up dragging me up the stairs as i was convinced that i was going out in my car in my pjs with no shoes or glasses on. i really wanted (not wanted, the 'bads' wanted) to cut my legs up (it has to be there with the bread knife) but he caught me before i managed to lock the bathroom door. i cant face drama today, i dont even think i will be able to walk the pup, poor girl hubby said to make a docs appointment the first one is friday morning, hes coming with me. he said to be honest but im scared of hospital, he said thats maybe what i need.

LameWolf

Afternoon all,

MessedUp and Crazy Girl Big ((((HUGS)))) to you both. I can't begin to imagine what you're both going through - if I could take it all away, I would.

Unity Big (((HUG))) to you also, if it won't make the spidery sensations worse.

Sandy I know what you're going through - towards the end, my grandmother had no idea who I was, thought my mother had married Jim (her first bf) and was seeing blue dogs everywhere (!) It's not easy - more power to you, mate.

LadyM (((HUG))) for you, too.

jennihen wrote: »

AARRRRRRRRRGH - in cyberspace no one can hear you chopping up your ex-husband into little pieces!!!!

Yeah, I can understand - thankfully not having kids, I don't ever have to have contact with mine again. Well done on restraining yourself.:D

LadyMorticia wrote: »

I feel like there is so much to discuss and I struggle with saying how I feel to people. When someone asks how I am, I usually just reply quietly with "I'm okay".

I really need to work on that. =/

It's what we're all taught to do as kids, I think. It's not "polite" to be honest, and when someone asks how you are, they don't *really* want to know, it's just a pleasantry. I always say "yeah, not so bad, ta."

I'm back online after an extremely busy, tiring, and somewhat stressful weekend; we cleared out the loft (or rather, Mr LW brought the stuff downstairs and we both sorted it out) and got 4 sacks full of shredded paper at the end of it. A bit stressful, as some of it was stuff he's had kicking about since before he moved to MK, and some items pertained to Queen Biyatch of the Universe (his ex) which wound me up big time. Feels good to have got rid of it, though - I hate clutter.
:hello: to anyone I've missed - it's not deliberate, I'm just still exhausted, and posting in between tasks in the kitchen (Got to see to the breadmaker in a few mins).