Child Maintenance (CSA) questions (merged)

djdido2

I have spent the last 6 months ringing the CSA 2 - 3 times per week to try and get a little bit of financial help from my son's absent father!!!

They tell me the same thing every single time I call, that the ex is not traceable and so they cannot do anything and will not be able to take my case any further!!:mad: . My business has nearly failed and I am struggling like I never have before.

How have you lot as PWC got your head around the fact that the absent parent will not pay a small contribution and/or visit and spend some time with your child/ren????

I am absolutely heartbroken for my son, it is NOT greed or revenge to bleed my ex dry. Its support and help to make sure DS has the essentials he needs and the emotional involvement and input from his excuse for a daddy!!

It's not about money, it's about responsibility!!

We have been apart for four years and he is still so angry and abusive that he REFUSES to pay!!:mad: .

My friends keep saying that I am obsessed but I just want what is best for my wee man and feel so down when I know I am not coping financially for my kids sake!! Have give in now with CSA so just have to plod on and hope that I can manage and do the best for them!!

Paula_anne

My ex pays regularly but has not seen his child since she was 2 wks old, i am in contact with him but he messed my partner and i around a few months ago so my partner won't allow him to see her incase he messes her around, tho i am a pushover i would allow my ex to see her but my, partner has raised her from 5 months old, i believe it's the kids that suffer, it's a very sore subject in our house this is why i also need advice, we never know the right thing to do and others experiencs help us decide,

kelloggs36

Absolutely I am in exactly the same boat. I cannot understand why my (or your) ex should wish to completely deny their children! This is revenge on us as mothers! All I can think is that our exs hate us so much that they can't see beyond this. What they fail to understand is that it doesn't matter why they hate us, and to be honest we don't really care about that, but THE CHILDREN ARE INNOCENT. THEY HAVE DONE NOTHING TO HAVE TO SUFFER FROM THEIR ACTIONS BY GOING WITHOUT!!!!!!!!!

Don't give up - I have 'spoken' to you before, did you have evidence of his house that he owned? Have they acknowledged it yet? His car is evidence (was it you who sent them details of his car) as they can trace him through DVLA if his car is registered.

kelloggs36

Yes - seen this one a number of times now!

Paula_anne

Not sure on your situations but my ex doesn't (i think) hate me, we were 17 when i had my baby and he was scared, some men have trouble with emotions, the absent fathers have missed out, my ex terribly regrets not staying in contact, hope it works out for you (both)

Carrera74

This is the story with my ex. I asked the CSA to assess him after many many months of asking for help towards school uniforms, milk money or trip money for our son not for me. I never got a penny and was sick of using my overdraft/credit cards to buy our son things he needed. He thinks by fiddling the system so the CSA don't know how much he really earns he's getting at me. He did actually say to me after the initial assessment that if I'd waited a bit longer I would have got more (he's self employed).

He lives a life of reilly - brand new house, newly decorated, car, holidays etc and tells the CSA that he can only afford £5 a week. Nonsense! So I complained to the CSA as I was really mad he was getting away with it when I have friends who pay silly amounts to the CSA.

That fell on deaf ears too so I've let it go. My son knows that his Dad will spoil him when he goes round but won't help with day to day things and my son can only have new things for school or go on trips when I can afford them.

djdido2

Hi kelloggs and thanks for the replies!!!

It seems he is renting the property he lives in from a friend and there is no tenancy agreement in place so can't do anything about that!! I did go to his house and tried to take a picture of his car but could not get close enough to take the reg plate (and besides he caught me, oops!) which made me feel like maybe I am acting like a woman obsessed!!!

What is frustrating is that he is friends with someone who used to work for CSA and they are giving him advice about how to get round it!!

He has always worked but has fobbed them off with some story that he was made redunadant and was living off the proceeds of this as a wage (yeah right!!!)

What makes it worse is that he could just buy some things for him like clothes/school dinners etc so that the burden is taken from me!! but he continues to spread vicious lies about me to cover his own inadequacy to be a reponsible daddy. I will never get my head round the fact that he has no concern whatsoever for the welfare of his son. Arrrrrrggggghh!!

Money is not really my priority here (although of course it would help) but just acknowledging him and accepting that it was over ages ago would be a good start. It affects my son, not me!!

lebly

They can trace him through his national insurance number!

They can also take the money staight out of his wage packet without his consent!


Dont be fobbed off!

kelloggs36

Only if he has a legit job!

djdido2

All searches on his national ins number came to a dead end. He DID have a job but somehow found his way round it?!?!

I stopped ringing the CSA because every time I called and got no help whatsoever I just cannot face being reduced to tears again. Had left it two weeks but just decided to ring them as last time I rang they said the ex was due to start a new job.

Just spoke to them now and they are going to trace his Nat No again, ring back in two weeks for a response!!! Completely shambolic in my eyes!!! He had a DEO and stopped paying 8 months ago!!