Child Maintenance (CSA) questions (merged)

southern_chick

Zara33 wrote:

The armed forces are easy to trace self employed ppl are not.

the Armed Forces should be easy to trace but it still took CSA over a year to set up a DOE from my ex, every time i phoned they said he had to be given a certain amount of time to get used to the DEO due to his "human rights", my DD's human rights weren't considered when he just stopped paying :mad:

djdido2

EthelBloggs wrote:

lol, just out of interest I rang them a few mins ago, they still can't find him even tho I've given them pics of him etc.. lmfao.. useless

The sheer incompetence is seriously unbeleivable!!!! I am going to have one final go and send a letter of complaint and that will be my FINAL attempt, no if's or buts!! Then thats it!! I give up!!

Will probably have to increase the hours I work which means I get to see my kids less!!!:mad:

Zara33

southern_chick wrote:

the Armed Forces should be easy to trace but it still took CSA over a year to set up a DOE from my ex, every time i phoned they said he had to be given a certain amount of time to get used to the DEO due to his "human rights", my DD's human rights weren't considered when he just stopped paying :mad:

:eek: sounds familiar, i then wrote to my MP and then a nice letter on to the Ministry of Defence in London. They act pretty quickly after that

Prudent

Myabe we got the same caseworker sexyfufu. It took me four years of arguing with csa to get a correct assessment. It is now three months down the line and I still peer at my bank statemnets with wonder when the money is paid in. It was so frustrating and I really do feel for anyone still in that position.

When I first became a single parent I was really struggling financially. Just after Christmas I had no money left and my daughter became ill with a raging temperature. Her dad was coming to the house to collect something and I asked him to bring her calpol. He refused, saying he wasn't contributing to my household expenses. If it hadn't been for a kind friend my poor dd would have had no medicine. I then found some coupons and got some other medicines from tesco.Her dad is a head teacher, paid by society to care for the welfare of children. He earns £109,000 per annum, but would not buy his sick daughter some medicine.

Zara33

Prudent OMG!!! disgusting what a ****** (insert as you please)

Prudent

djdido2 wrote:

The sheer incompetence is seriously unbeleivable!!!! I am going to have one final go and send a letter of complaint and that will be my FINAL attempt, no if's or buts!! Then thats it!! I give up!!

Will probably have to increase the hours I work which means I get to see my kids less!!!:mad:

Please do not give up. I nearly did until a friend challenged me by asking whether I should let my dd down by not fighting for her to have what she was entitled to. I am glad I fought on. Now she is getting a decent monthly allowance (she is 14), I can pay her bus fare to school another so she doesn't have to be bullied at our local one and she can go on a week's camp with her friends. I made soooo many phone calls and wrote endless letters of complaint, but four years later it was worth it. Hang in there...

djdido2

Thanks for the encouragement Prudent but I really have lost my patience, my energy could be put to better use elsewhere!

I have the love of my son, that is something he is missing out on, so his loss!! I am going back to study so hopefully in the long term I will get a better more secure job.

kelloggs36

Don't do it! don't give up! I look at it this way when my mum tells me to give up: I can't miss what I 've not had. It isn't like I rely on the money (chance would be a fine thing!) but I won't allow HIM to forget that he has a daughter and he has responsibilities. Every letter he gets from the CSA or bailiffs, or a Court summons, or another liability order, or another charging order on the house, or another letter asking him for details of his mortgage as they are applying for an order for sale....the list goes on, oh, and for the day that the warrant of arrest gets executed all those things are a constant reminder to him of his daughter and he can't forget her, as much as he would love to just wipe the slate clean of her, he can't and I won't let him. Of course I want the money - it is owed to me for the last 7 years; well actually I would say that it is owed to my husband who has brought her up as his own and not complained once! He deserves a medal, but if prison is the outcome for my ex, then so be it. It will teach him that he can't just ignore her.

hobo28

djdido2 wrote:

It's not about money, it's about responsibility!!

I am reminded of the phrase "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

Its wrong, totally wrong. Every child deserves two loving parents. Unfortunately the world isn't like that. You can't MAKE someone take responsibility.

djdido2 wrote:

My friends keep saying that I am obsessed but I just want what is best for my wee man and feel so down when I know I am not coping financially for my kids sake!!

Sometimes the easiest thing is to just let it go. Thats pretty much what we've done. We don't get a bean from my partner's ex. Again, usual tricks. Not admitting who he is, giving up his job when CSA catch up etc. It annoys me that he's getting away with it of course and that our kids miss out on things because there's less money than their should be. But at the end of the day I didn't do this for the money. Its just easier to let go than let the anger eat you up. Thats the way I cope anyway.

Finally, can we stop the whole men bashing. For every man not paying story, we can find a man being forced to pay too much. Women also can be irresponsible parents too. Sorry but it just annoys me when ppl bash all men when there's many decent blokes out there who just want to do their best.

djdido2

Its nearly years in my case and I hate myself for having the defeatest. I think I will leave it to communication by letter only because when I ring them up they just say the same thing they were saying in the beginning and this just makes me really emotional. I hate to criticise the CSA and I think they need more staff like Kellogg36 who has been in this situation and therefore has a thorough understanding and sympathy towards all these desperate parents!!