Think my flat mate has violent tendencies

mr_pharmacist

I'm sharing a flat with 2 guys, one of whom has Aspergers Syndrome. Sometimes he will do things like turn the heating off without telling us or hide the hoover and keys to the rubbish area. Plus he has stolen my cutlery and other stuf without asking before. I don't want to stigmatise as he seems an okay guy just very uneasy in social situations (an exageratted version of me in some ways!) but is prone to strange behaviour.

Anyway the main thing is I went to my parents for Christmas and told him I'd be gone for a couple of days and last week when I got back I tried on my leather jacket (which cost me a lot of money) and it was ripped at the arm like someone slashed it! It was in exactly the same place as where I left it undamaged before leaving, and had another small, new mark that also wasn't there so it couldn't be a tear, and a tear couldn't have done the damage anyway. Don't know if he'd maybe got inspiration from Crocodile Dundee being on over the holidays (famous scene where he slashes mugger's leather jacket).

I suspect my flatmate as we had a frostiness between us before I left and he tends to brood on things like that rather than talking to me. I sort of looked at him funnily from my door when I heard him telling off my other flatmate for slamming the front door. My door was locked but just with a small lock which is easy to unscrew, and he saw me do that myself when I locked myself out before a couple of months ago.

A long post I know but what do you think I should do? Tell the landlord? Flee somewhere else staright away? I want to confront him but it's really his word against mine. Does anyone know someone with aspergers who has acted like this? Again I stress I do not want to stigamtise, particularly as members of my family have had mentall illness and I know most Aspergers sufferers are not at all violent, but clearly I am worried. I have consulted my other flatmate who was shocked but also mentioned some of the strange behaviour I mention at the beginning (we'd never discussed it before).

poppysarah

Move. If you can. How long have you been there? What tenancy have you got?

Ladybird20

too complicated all that for me.. i would get a one bedroomed flat and be independent

mr_pharmacist

I'm two months into a new 6 month tenancy but my landlord said I could leave if I got someone else to take over it.

Used to live with a mate but he bought somewhere, stayed at a parents for a while before getting this place, Hate the journeying about looking at flats when you don't know about those that live in them, especially in dark winter evenings.

I'm quite shy myself so maybe should get a one bedroom, but my earnings aren't great at around 20 grand. This place is cheap (if not very nice) but maybe my priorities are wrong and I should pay more rent.

Should I tell my landlord about what happened?

llh189

I am not sure that your landlord will care that much and will probably just worry about bring paid.

Leaving and finding somewhere relies on you finding someone to move in in your place, which could take ages.

My advice would be to keep your head down with a view to moving out as soon as your tenancy ends, not much fun I grant you, I would also look to find a replacement to take over your tenancy but don't get your hopes up.

I would do this in quite a covert way, as doing it openly might upset the other people that you live with and whilst I very much doubt that you will remain in contact with either of them, you still might have to live there for another 4 months.

Try to grin and bare it, 4 months isn't that long!

Zelie

If you stay then put a better lock on the door that can't be unscrewed. And get copies of the keys that he hides. Other than that, just keep out of his way until you move.

anniecave

Get a better lock on your bedroom door. And don't lock yourself out! Keep everything you value inside your room.

dander

What an awkward situation, poor you. Do you have household insurance, you might be able to make a claim for the damaged jacket.

If I were you, I would start by getting a better lock for the door, something that can't be unscrewed - if you're worried about locking yourself out - keep a spare key at work, and/or with some trustworthy friends.

You don't say what kind of tenancy agreement you've got, but I would have thought it might be worth talking to the landlord about the situation - did you know the flatmate had Aspergers when you took the room? I'm afraid I don't really know anything about renting, but it must be very hard having to live with someone with any kind of mental disease when you have no-one to offer support and advice on what to expect and how best to behave.

I do think it would be worth raising the issue with the landlord - if everyone leaves after 6 months because one person's too hard to live with, he'll quickly get fed up with constantly trying to re-rent the rooms.

I don't think you should rush into finding somewhere else though. Use the next four months to look carefully - ask around with people you know and try and get somewhere next time, where the flatmates are a bit more tried and tested.

mr_pharmacist

Thanks Dander it's not been a good year for me as I had to take time off work due to stress caused by bullying colleagues, moved to this flat which I didn't enjoy at all anyway before this destruction of my jacket, and was assaulted in a city centre the week before Christmas in a busy street (my crime? Saying excuse me to the bloke's girlfriend who claimed I pushed her, he hit me as I walked away; in fact I thought that attack might have torn my jacket but I didn't notice anything afterwards and anyway he would have had to have knifed me right across the arm which definitely bever happened!).

I'm thinking of just getting out. It's an unhappy environment and the ad was misleading, the guy himself wrote it and said he was easy going and up fpr a laugh, not that he had behavioural problems. Sadly I was just desperate for a place at the time.

Prav

I think you've answered your own question. This flatmate is just one more hassle you don't need at present. Start the preparations to move, and don't look back. It really isn't worth the hassle - and no offence to the guy, you don't know what he may do next.

Good luck!

PasturesNew

mr_pharmacist wrote: »

I'm sharing a flat with 2 guys, one of whom has Aspergers Syndrome.

That isn't known as a violent thing. He must have something else wrong that gives him violent tendencies.

mr_pharmacist wrote: »

Sometimes he will do things like turn the heating off without telling us or hide the hoover and keys to the rubbish area. Plus he has stolen my cutlery and other stuf without asking before. I don't want to stigmatise as he seems an okay guy just very uneasy in social situations (an exageratted version of me in some ways!) but is prone to strange behaviour.

There might be perfectly logical and good, in his eyes, reasons for this.

e.g. heating, maybe he's hot enough and turns it off... assuming you'd be hot enough too (and minding the bill/pennies). He would assume that as you're an adult you could turn it on again if you're cold, or open up a discussion/debate about heating. As an Aspie he wouldn't be able to open up that debate.

mr_pharmacist wrote: »

Anyway the main thing is I went to my parents for Christmas and told him I'd be gone for a couple of days and last week when I got back I tried on my leather jacket (which cost me a lot of money) and it was ripped at the arm like someone slashed it! It was in exactly the same place as where I left it undamaged before leaving, and had another small, new mark that also wasn't there so it couldn't be a tear, and a tear couldn't have done the damage anyway. Don't know if he'd maybe got inspiration from Crocodile Dundee being on over the holidays (famous scene where he slashes mugger's leather jacket).

I think you're making a huge leap there, based on nothing.

mr_pharmacist wrote: »

I suspect my flatmate as we had a frostiness between us before I left and he tends to brood on things like that rather than talking to me. I sort of looked at him funnily from my door when I heard him telling off my other flatmate for slamming the front door. My door was locked but just with a small lock which is easy to unscrew, and he saw me do that myself when I locked myself out before a couple of months ago.

I'm an Aspie, you'd creep me right out!
One of the basic traits of an Aspie is honesty. An Aspie is more likely to be a grass than a threat. But, he might have something else wrong with him.

mr_pharmacist wrote: »

A long post I know but what do you think I should do? Tell the landlord? Flee somewhere else staright away? I want to confront him but it's really his word against mine. Does anyone know someone with aspergers who has acted like this? Again I stress I do not want to stigamtise, particularly as members of my family have had mentall illness and I know most Aspergers sufferers are not at all violent, but clearly I am worried. I have consulted my other flatmate who was shocked but also mentioned some of the strange behaviour I mention at the beginning (we'd never discussed it before).

I have it. I wouldn't be that weird and none of what you have described would be normal Aspie behaviour. So he must have either something else entirely, or another thing.

Aspies are super-aware of things, small things. I suspect he's aware of heating/being too hot/bills and turning it down, not giving it a thought to have to tell you, it's obvious, if the heating's off it goes colder .. nothing to tell.

Where is he hiding the hoover? Maybe he has decided that there's a better place for it than where it was originally. I'd do that.

Again, for the keys to the rubbish area. He's more likely to have found a more logical place for them if he's an Aspie.

Re the cutlery. Does he know it's "yours" and not "the house's"? Aspies don't steal, although he might have an obsession with lovely smooth shiny things, I know I have some lovely shiny cutlery (it's not yours, honest).