Think my flat mate has violent tendencies

PasturesNew

Blue monkey's spot on and said what I would have, but better.

And I tried to add more here but couldn't get the words right. Having any strange/unknown person about really puts me in a spin, for months. When I got new upstairs neighbours, with noisy floors, it caused me such stress/anxiety that I could no longer sleep and was pacing about all night. This was a major reason I originally gave up a job I was doing back then. I was going into a horrid work environment having had limited sleep. The change in routine literally makes my heart race, it's like being on high alert, heart races, everything's heightened.

The banging of a door is a major issue for me. Many Aspies have noise issues. The unexpected AND the noise. Two issues there. The fact he shouted was just failure to communicate appropriately. He'd have been stressing about it to breaking point, before having the courage to say something. Then his response would have been considered disproportionate. Some f3ckers here slam the door. I cry inside when they do it.

He probably ran off and sobbed quietly after the event. Feeling more distanced from the people around him. After this, it's then harder next time to make a connection. It's a really distancing disability.

PasturesNew

adouglasmhor wrote: »

... most aspies are high end...

Yes, most aspies are highly intelligent. My IQ is in the genius levels. This makes it even harder as you grow up and you know you're intelligent as you're told and tested, but for some reason the world just doesn't seem to work right for you....

blue_monkey_2

adouglasmhor wrote: »

The one I wast alking about has ASD but he is also not very bright (most aspies are high end). He is a liar but not a good one he has too many "tells" and everyone can spot it. his violence is related to frustration and the way he was brought up (both parents and siblings are undiagnosed but a bit "different" he was only diagnosed when he entered the criminal justice system because of the way he acted when under arrest).

ASD/Aspergers are different disorders on the Spectrum. My son both, the ASD in him makes him violent though. The Aspie in him makes him obsessive and meticulous so things have to be just so. Although they are both classed as Autism they are 'different conditions'. Aspies do not lie. If I ask my daughter is she hit her brother she will say no, if I ask my son he will say yes!! Hope that makes sense.

kessik

My son is 16 and severely autistic but from my experience of him and other children at his school I would agree with Pastures and Blue Monkey. Re the heating, if your flatmate was hot it won't occur to him that you may not be and so he will turn the heat off without giving it a second thought - one of the problems people on the ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) have is an inability to empathise with others. They also have problems interacting socially. Because of this they are very honest - they don't understand subterfuge or making others think well of them. Also they are not usually deceitful. So I would go along with just showing your flatmate your damaged jacket and ask if he saw what happened to it. He will probably just tell you! You could also look on the National Autistic Society's website for a really good overview of Asperger's Syndrome. Hope this helps. BTW, any flatmate can have violent tendencies, I wouldn't say it was a known feature of Asperger's.

adouglasmhor

blue_monkey wrote: »

ASD/Aspergers are different disorders on the Spectrum. My son both, the ASD in him makes him violent though. The Aspie in him makes him obsessive and meticulous so things have to be just so. Although they are both classed as Autism they are 'different conditions'. Aspies do not lie. If I ask my daughter is she hit her brother she will say no, if I ask my son he will say yes!! Hope that makes sense.

I thought ASD meant Autistic/Autism Specrum Disorders and covered both Classic Autism and Asperger's and a couple of other conditions likes Rett syndrome, apologies if I was wrong or caused offence, not my intent at all.

blue_monkey_2

adouglasmhor wrote: »

I thought ASD meant Autistic/Autism Specrum Disorders and covered both Classic Autism and Asperger's and a couple of other conditions likes Rett syndrome, apologies if I was wrong or caused offence, not my intent at all.

No offence caused at all, we was both trying to do the same thing I think but it can get very confusing for those of us in the know - let alone trying to explain to people not in the know about the condition.

I think the term ASD is confusing. You are right though, the term covers the entire spectrum but, for example, my son is being investigated for ASD - this is that he has no 'official' condition as such but they see he has traits so they have to find out if it is one specific condition or if he is just ASD. This is why I did not want to confuse ASD with Aspergers - as this is what this lad has been diagnosed with. I think if he had something else to make him violent - such as ADHD - it would have been oticed as it is not just about the violence but by being loud and unpredictable too.

From my experience with the docs, ASD usually means that person has a variety of traits from the spectrum and not one specific condition has been diagosed. If diagnosed the ASD then gets given a name and is no longer ASD but 'has Aspergers' 'has ADHD'.....

See, it's way too confusing to explain....

Hope everyone else is confused.... LOL. Hence there being so little understanding on Autism in general. If I am having problems with my son when I am out and I get comments I will say 'he has autism he does not understand' as people then understand, or are too embarrassed to look at us anymore!!

If I have not explained that too well then please ask me to clarify and I'll do so. I find it hard to explain things myself sometimes.

kessik

blue_monkey wrote: »

I will say 'he has autism he does not understand' as people then understand, or are too embarrassed to look at us anymore!!

Exactly what I say too when my son is kicking off or being particularly 'autistic'!

blue_monkey_2

About the heating. Yes, this is also true, as would turning off lights when you are in the room, they have no understanding of peoples feelings - Aspergers is a Social and Communication Disorder. They have no idea how to be soial and no idea how to communicate.

I see my son's behaviour in me all the time, I have the heating to suit me, dinner gets done when I want it done, everything is how I want it. It is just the way it is, I get irritated if my husband adjusts the heat or turns the lights on when I do not want them on. I do have to think very hard about what I am saying to people as I realise that people get offended and unless I trust someone I find it very hard to look at them when I speka to them. I never realised this was a problem and that I did it until I got feedback from an interview that said 'I was hiding something as I would not make eye contact'. I never realised I never made eye contact and so now I have to think about it all the time.

That being said I did get bullied at school because of the things I said, my mother was probably too drunk to care because off of us were the same and I have trouble with one ASD child (possibly 2 but we will not go there!!) let alone 4!! I am seeking diagnosis for my son so he gets the best through school and life and so he gets understanding of how and why. He spent his days being excluded from other children until I sent him to another school that really makes a difference. They told me today that he has a mat to sit on, his own mat, the other kids are not allowed on the mat and he feels safe there so he sits and is good. Just small things make the whole world of difference - just that it is still a new condition and some people have much to learn about it.

adouglasmhor

As well as the guy my GF works with (he can't cope on hs own unfortunaltely), My mates son, Another mates nephew and my GF's (and mine by proxy he's a lovely kid too) nephew are on the spectrum. Every one different and all vallued and loved by thier families, unlike the one i mentioned first. I have learned a lot from knowing them and I wish I had a magic wand to find a way to make it easier for all of them, but I just have to go on being me and hope for the best.

PasturesNew

With the heating thing, I'd be a nightmare for anybody who travelled in my car. First the heater's on, full. Then I open the window full for a minute, then the window will be closed and I'll have the heater on a bit, then later I'll turn it up/off again and open/close the window. Sometimes (especially in a vehicle) I just can't regulate my body temperature.

Meanwhile, back at home, anybody coming into my space says "it's freeeeezing!!" yet I'm warm/fine.

I can suddenly become overpoweringly hot/stifled and I have to "escape" right then and there. Immediately. Non negotiable. I have to go outside for 1-2 minutes. This isn't a hot flush, it's an overpowering basic need to get out because I feel completely trapped by the heat and as it consumes every thought I have. The same with noise, bright lights and a lot of people. The minute it hits, I have to just find a quiet/dark/cool corner to run to. No fuss, don't ask me how I am. That's best. Draw no attention to me, it's what I do, there's nothing wrong, but I HAVE to do it.

And don't look at me... really, don't peek or stare, especially secret creepy viewing. That's one of my earliest memories, thinking I don't want to get married because "everybody looks at you".

Every one is different, but maybe every one can list specifically every situation that is challenging and why. And you can't change it. It happens, there's no "cure". There's no "pulling yourself together". It's a pure action/reaction thing.

Earlier, just having typed on this thread made me have to go away from here, my alertness went off the scale and my brain was racing. So I had to go do other things for a couple of hours until it settled down. Certain things trigger a "super alertness mode" that once triggered can take up to 2 hours to return to normal. If there's any pressure during that time to face whatever the trigger was, it would just cause pain/frustration and confusion to be forced into doing whatever it was. I don't think I explained that well.