Think my flat mate has violent tendencies

moggylover

PasturesNew wrote: »

That isn't known as a violent thing. He must have something else wrong that gives him violent tendencies.


There might be perfectly logical and good, in his eyes, reasons for this.

e.g. heating, maybe he's hot enough and turns it off... assuming you'd be hot enough too (and minding the bill/pennies). He would assume that as you're an adult you could turn it on again if you're cold, or open up a discussion/debate about heating. As an Aspie he wouldn't be able to open up that debate.



I think you're making a huge leap there, based on nothing.


I'm an Aspie, you'd creep me right out!
One of the basic traits of an Aspie is honesty. An Aspie is more likely to be a grass than a threat. But, he might have something else wrong with him.


I have it. I wouldn't be that weird and none of what you have described would be normal Aspie behaviour. So he must have either something else entirely, or another thing.

Aspies are super-aware of things, small things. I suspect he's aware of heating/being too hot/bills and turning it down, not giving it a thought to have to tell you, it's obvious, if the heating's off it goes colder .. nothing to tell.

Where is he hiding the hoover? Maybe he has decided that there's a better place for it than where it was originally. I'd do that.

Again, for the keys to the rubbish area. He's more likely to have found a more logical place for them if he's an Aspie.

Re the cutlery. Does he know it's "yours" and not "the house's"? Aspies don't steal, although he might have an obsession with lovely smooth shiny things, I know I have some lovely shiny cutlery (it's not yours, honest).

Lol at the last one Pastures! :rotfl:

I thought that was a really helpful post into understanding a bit about Apergers, thank you because it is not a well understood/known problem.

PasturesNew

moggylover wrote: »

Lol at the last one Pastures! :rotfl:

I thought that was a really helpful post into understanding a bit about Apergers, thank you because it is not a well understood/known problem.

It's not well known, but I know exactly how I behave and why, so I do explain how I'd be thinking/acting in explanations.

It then starts making sense to people.

CFC

Just move asap. You don't need the hassle. Do you really enjoy sharing with strangers? If not, then rearrange your finances and get your own flat.

LittleMissAspie

Does cutting material count as violence? I thought violence was hitting or kicking etc.

I think you should confront him actually, so he knows you suspect him and personally I think that will make him less likely to do anything like that again. If you really do think he'll hit you, have your other flatmate present.

adouglasmhor

PasturesNew wrote: »

That isn't known as a violent thing. He must have something else wrong that gives him violent tendencies.


There might be perfectly logical and good, in his eyes, reasons for this.

e.g. heating, maybe he's hot enough and turns it off... assuming you'd be hot enough too (and minding the bill/pennies). He would assume that as you're an adult you could turn it on again if you're cold, or open up a discussion/debate about heating. As an Aspie he wouldn't be able to open up that debate.



I think you're making a huge leap there, based on nothing.


I'm an Aspie, you'd creep me right out!
One of the basic traits of an Aspie is honesty. An Aspie is more likely to be a grass than a threat. But, he might have something else wrong with him.


I have it. I wouldn't be that weird and none of what you have described would be normal Aspie behaviour. So he must have either something else entirely, or another thing.

Aspies are super-aware of things, small things. I suspect he's aware of heating/being too hot/bills and turning it down, not giving it a thought to have to tell you, it's obvious, if the heating's off it goes colder .. nothing to tell.

Where is he hiding the hoover? Maybe he has decided that there's a better place for it than where it was originally. I'd do that.

Again, for the keys to the rubbish area. He's more likely to have found a more logical place for them if he's an Aspie.

Re the cutlery. Does he know it's "yours" and not "the house's"? Aspies don't steal, although he might have an obsession with lovely smooth shiny things, I know I have some lovely shiny cutlery (it's not yours, honest).

Your post is full of generalities, All aspies are different as they are all human, My GF works with an Aspie who was a violent sex offender and who can't bear the heating on as he sweats even at room temprature. He is also a deceitfull, manipulative liar, but still a human being and still an aspie. Just because you are that way does not mean everyone who has Asperger's will be as lucky with how they turn out.

edited to add not just how you described yourself above, but how you are with people on here you are miles more social and helpful than him and come over as one of the good people on here.

PasturesNew

adouglasmhor wrote: »

Your post is full of generalities, All aspies are different as they are all human, My GF works with an Aspie who was a violent sex offender and who can't bear the heating on as he sweats even at room temprature. He is also a deceitfull, manipulative liar, but still a human being and still an aspie. Just because you are that way does not mean everyone who has Asperger's will be as lucky with how they turn out.

edited to add not just how you described yourself above, but how you are with people on here you are miles more social and helpful than him and come over as one of the good people on here.

It was late and I was tired. I was trying to break the connection between ASD and violence. There is no connection between the two. If the flatmate is violent, then it won't be BECAUSE of the ASD. And actually, I couldn't see anything violent in the statement, so I think the OP could be paranoid.

hethmar

I think there are just too many conditions in the autistic spectrum for you to work this one out without professional knowledge.

It may well be he has some sort of autism, but Im surprised about Dougies aspie lying as most Ive come across think totally literally and will say the truth, even if detrimental to their own case.

But back to your problems - so very sorry to hear the crappy year you have had - it seems to happen like that, once on a roll you seem to draw trouble to you. I think you should make a break away from this flat. Find out how cheaply you can get out the deal. Dont mention your suspicions, find a decent reason, like you find it difficult to share the facilities - dont know where you live but there is bound to be a place you can afford. Possibly not on your own, but perhaps with a larger group of like minded people. Put an ad up at work or at any places you go to for activities/hobbies. And the very best of luck.

blue_monkey_2

Does he have family or a support worker? Is there someone who visits him that you can speak to. Aspies like rules, things have to be in certain places, my son has it (he is rising 5) but we know the score already, things moving on a day to day basis is confusing for an Aspie, things have to be in a certina place and in a certain order. Likewise they like order to their day to day life. I know it probably sounds daft but do you have house rules, places that each of you keep your things for example, write them down, Aspies like to have rules they can follow. He might think the cutlery is his because it is kept in an area that he mainly uses/cooks/keeps something.

In regard to the violence, cutting the jacket does not constitue violence, my son would be freaked out by someone giving him evils - it would be far easier to confront this and speak to him - not shout at him - ask him outright. He will probably be honest and you have your answer not your suspicions. But that does not sound like violence in all honesty, I would be worried if he started threatening you and this needs to be dealt with.

You say you have been there just 2 months, maybe your arrival has totally changed his ways, his routine and how he does things. You might not do things in the way you want him to and so he will move them (the keys). Talk to him, do things such as getting a little pot that your keys go into, have a peg each, your jacket might have been on the peg that he thinks is his but more than anything have some understanding into how his mind is working and it will help far more than speculating. Aspies can be the most wonderful people to be around as they are honest and will tell you things straight but they have to trust you as well, they do not like people who decieive them or confuse their day to day.

You have intruded into his world and what is give and take for all of us 'normal' people has probably tipped his world upside down and these are his ways of telling you. Especially if you are giving him the evil eye from your door, he is probably more scared of you now than you are of him.

adouglasmhor

PasturesNew wrote: »

It was late and I was tired. I was trying to break the connection between ASD and violence. There is no connection between the two. If the flatmate is violent, then it won't be BECAUSE of the ASD. And actually, I couldn't see anything violent in the statement, so I think the OP could be paranoid.

The one I wast alking about has ASD but he is also not very bright (most aspies are high end). He is a liar but not a good one he has too many "tells" and everyone can spot it. his violence is related to frustration and the way he was brought up (both parents and siblings are undiagnosed but a bit "different" he was only diagnosed when he entered the criminal justice system because of the way he acted when under arrest).

blue_monkey_2

I just wanted to add really, there is no need to flee straightaway, just get some understanding and realise that his mind works in a different way to yours. So he does not like the door slammed, so close it quietly. Tell him as it is, I think that you and your other flatmate need to sit down and look at some sites that tell you more about Aspergers as you'll both get a far greater understanding on him and can help him rather than exclude him by whispering in a small group about him - if he sees/hears you talking about him then he is going to be even more worried and this will lead to even more erractic behaviour. The cutlery taking is probably a form of security for him (as daft as it sounds) it is familiar to him so he wants to have it with him. Also, Aspies are more senstive to sounds and this is probably why he does not like the door being slammed.

Also, he is not hiding things, he has a more logical place for keeping them - ask him where something goes, do not move it as it will wind him up and make him feel more insecure, just keep it there if it is in a secure place, if it is not then tell him why it cannot go there, don't just keep on moving it as he will not understand that.

I'll leave it there for now but please ask anything else if you need to. I am sure you feel worried but please do not be - just bring routine and normality to the house and you'll all get along fine.

Oh, and if you have friend coming over give him warning, even if by a phone call, Aspies hate being caught out or unaware of strange social situations with people they do not know so if you can tell him that morning it would be better. As I say, it is all about understanding how this guys mind is working and all living together. If you are not comfortable doing that or do not want to help him then maybe you have to leave. How long has he lived there BTW?