Toddler not talking

jellyhead

Neither of my children babbled or talked before age 2, but only one of them had special needs.

At the 2 year check my health visitor referred my eldest to the child development centre for in-depth assessment. Some children are referred for a hearing test or speech therapy but if something like autism is suspected then a more intense assessment is required.

My youngest was sent for a hearing test but they said he was just ignorant :eek::rotfl: His best friend was there for his 2 year check at the same time, but best friend was referred to speech therapy. Neither of the boys were talking, but when the health visitor got a book out my boy could point to things and say the words or make animal noises, and my friend's boy didn't (he wasn't very interested in books at that point but my boy was book-mad, all children are different). Both boys were 3 in the summer so they are at nursery now and although you can tell they are summer children and they seem babyish in comparison to the others they have both started to talk and can make themselves understood most of the time. Neither of them have any special needs, they were just late talkers and that combined with being summer children makes them seem miles behind everyone else, but the health visitors and doctors can tell which children will have moderate or severe problems, and which just don't see any reason to talk yet.

Unlike you I was always out with my boy, different toddler groups, sign language, trips to the farm etc. every morning and then the park in the afternoon. My boy socialised with lots of children and had every opportunity to learn to talk but for some reason he just didn't.

Your little bear (that's so cute!) might be like mine, just doesn't feel any need to talk yet, so please don't feel that you are letting him down by not group-hopping like I did. I know lots of children who hardly ever leave the house or only go to one group per week, and I know lots of children who spend every minute with their mummy.

It sounds like what you need is some help with leaving the house, but from somebody who understands what you need - like I had from my mother when I was struggling when my eldest was a baby. Homestart might help there, they match you up with a volunteer, and if you tell the volunteer that you want them to go with you to a shopping centre etc. instead of actually taking the child away while you have a rest, then that's what the volunteer will do.

At age 2 my son started a playgroup where I left him for 2 hours. It took a long time for him to settle in, and I hung around for the first couple of months, either with him or washing up in the kitchen, helping with snacks etc. so I was still on hand to cuddle him if he wanted me. The first term was difficult because he was used to me being there every second of his life, and nobody at the playgroup understood sign language, but once he got used to things he was happy for me to leave him and he even got excited about going there.

I understand your husband's view that he should be with mummy, but I really think going to playgroup helped my son a great deal and without it he would have struggled at nursery. Playgroup is only 2 hours, so it's not as scary as leaving them for a session at the surestart centre which could be 5 or even 10 hours long.

Good luck, the 2 year check will be a good time to talk about your worries, and hopefully the health visitor will be able to put your mind at rest and possibly suggest groups of other mums you might enjoy.

*Maya*

Sybil, I hope you are okay. I was thinking about your posts last night and I have to say that you have me a little bit worried. Something doesn't sound right so please come back and talk to us if you need to.

onetomany

kids are brill at reading bodylanguage i used baby sign with my second son take care im sure he will come on all kids are differant and achive things at differant times

wannabe_sybil

Thank you for all your responses.

Mely - I am fine, just worried about my little bear not speaking and what the Health Visitor will say. Thank you for thinking of me.

I am hopeful that dear heart will be here when the Health Visitor comes, and I will make a list of questions to ask and take notes.

Little bear definitely understands things. Tonight is his third night in a bed instead of a cot. He also went to his room for a nap. He is put in the bed after the bed time routine. He gets up then plays quietly, then climbs back into bed and goes to sleep with his head on the pillow. I think the best thing I can do is let him get on with it and to let him get to sleep when he is tired, as he plays very quietly, like winding down. I am hoping the interval between me leaving the room and him climbing back into bed will get shorter and shorter, but he seems fine.

Thank you again for all your responses and advice. I really appreciate it.

Paparika

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

I have a little boy who has just turned two, little bear. Both my mother and my mother in law have passed away and I have no close relatives at all that live nearby. I have occasional contact with some in laws. I have had issues with getting out of the house with little bear and a health worker has started taking me and little bear to a playgroup. Little bear enjoys playgroup, seems fine about other children and is generally a calm child (though starting with intermittent tantrums of the 'terrible twos')

Little bear is not talking. He will give a very indignant momomomom if the world is not as it should be but otherwise doesn't speak. There is a very specific shriek he uses when he sees our cat and for the last few days when I have been counting with him he has made sounds that sound a little like the numbers, if you listen, and they are quite distinct. Otherwise he doesn't speak.

I have always chatted to him, played with him, clearly used words to describe what is going on - toast, porridge, out, etc. He never tells me that his nappy needs changing, his behaviour doesn't change at all, and he doesn't tell me if he is hungry. Partly that may be because I change his nappy very regularly and give him plenty of snacks throughout the day (raisins, banana etc which I clearly name).

He can hear the television, so if he is in a different room and he hears a programme come on he will run in to watch and he has different dances for different theme tunes. He understands what is going on, and is good about putting rubbish in the bin etc. If I ask him to fetch me something like his juice then he may or may not but I am under no illusion - it is whether he decides to do it or not. He learns about things very quickly, and I suspect that he understands a great deal of what is being said. Not only do I talk to him, but dear heart also talks to him and we talk to each other a lot.

He is so clear when he does want something - like a book reading, he will take your hand, turn it palm up, put the book in the hand and wait for you to read it. He makes himself so clear, but if I try to pretend I don't understand to try and get him to talk I get 'The Look' which says, 'Mother, sort yourself out, you know exactly what I mean.' He will 'ask' for things nicely - with a sort of gentle murmur and a very delicate touch. He did that with some Christmas cards just before Christmas. Dear heart asked if we needed any Christmas cards, I said 'no' but little bear just nodded very vigorously - we bought the cards. They were not particularly expensive.

In a few days time the Health Visitor will visit to assess him for his two year old assessment. What can I expect? I don't want him pigeonholed as 'backward' because other evidence shows he can work out a great deal and even makes jokes. He 'asks' for cuddles, anticipates nursery rhymes, fits things together and he is even starting to copy some of the signing on Ceebeebies and he has only been watching that a few weeks. I don't know if I can cope getting him to speech therapy, as I have trouble getting out of the house with him. Will it be very intensive and will there be things I can do at home?

Any guidance about what I can expect will be extremely gratefully received. I do not want him put in a pigeon hole if he does not need to be. If he does need a specific help of course I will do all I can and I will be grateful for the 'label' as a way of understanding things. I am worried to my bones about his speech, however, and don't know what will happen.

Sorry for the long post.

Don't worry too much about Little Bear atm, children talk when they want to, there is no race. My friend's little boy didn't start talking until he went to nursery, she wasn't worried but her hubby was as she always knew what he wanted.

If he's recently started nursery then give it a little time.

ladysparklexx

It is very true that children all develop in different areas at different speeds. But I just wanted to say to make sure that you tell your helth visitor everything, they are there to help.
I have a severe medical conditon, twins and a husband who works every hour to pay the bills, we have no family within a few hundred miles of us and I put on this whole front that I was always coping. This was because I felt that everyone would think I was a failure if I said otherwise. We always had home visits from the health visitor as one of my children has special needs and when they were two after not being aloud to mix with many other children because of imune problems and my general ability to be out and about, I had a proper chat with the health visitor. The twins were given a nursery place paid for, at the age of 2 they went for two morning a week till 12 then home in time for lunch. This then got built upto every morning before they started school. This ment that they got mixing with other children which is how children learn the quickest. This also gave me some rest time and it was through the nursery managers support and my brilliant health visitor that our life really got easier.

There were lots of other things on offer, like home help, free bus travel and other things along that line but none of these were appropriate for me as I wasnt well enough to go far and found it harder having someone come in at set times but these might help you. Your helath visitor will be able to put your mind at rest or have your little one refered to the right specialists, and also let you know what help is out there.

ladysparklexx

Forgot to add only one of mine was toilet trained at the age of 2 and this wasnt a problem at all with nursery. I think there is a difference between nurserys and preschools.

beautifulgorgeous_2

My nephew who was two in October did not speak at all. Yesterday he told me had taken his socks off and they were on the floor behind the chair! He has always communicated with his eyes. His sister talked at a year and a bit and has never shut up but even now her words are not always clear. She was 5 in Oct.

pickle

Maybe all the worry about his speech (or attention on it) is part of the problem. I have a similar problem with getting my toddler to eat. The more I pay attention to it the more she resists. Maybe you could focus on singing songs so that he is learning in a fun way, it's hard for them to resist singing once they learn the melody and some of the words.

jellyhead

I don't think a nursery would expect a 2 year old to be toilet trained at all. My son's local nursery is in the surestart centre so he started there when he was 3 and ten children (all boys) out of around 50 were still wearing nappies when they started at age 3.

At 2 they might start to find out if a child is ready for toilet training but they would certainly not expect it, the staff will know that some children aren't ready until closer to 3 or even after age 3.

Before the christmas break 3 of the children were still in nappies, and that's after being in 'big' nursery for a term. Nursery would help a child with toilet training but they wouldn't push it, especially not without the consent of the parents.