Toddler not talking

wannabe_sybil

I have a little boy who has just turned two, little bear. Both my mother and my mother in law have passed away and I have no close relatives at all that live nearby. I have occasional contact with some in laws. I have had issues with getting out of the house with little bear and a health worker has started taking me and little bear to a playgroup. Little bear enjoys playgroup, seems fine about other children and is generally a calm child (though starting with intermittent tantrums of the 'terrible twos')

Little bear is not talking. He will give a very indignant momomomom if the world is not as it should be but otherwise doesn't speak. There is a very specific shriek he uses when he sees our cat and for the last few days when I have been counting with him he has made sounds that sound a little like the numbers, if you listen, and they are quite distinct. Otherwise he doesn't speak.

I have always chatted to him, played with him, clearly used words to describe what is going on - toast, porridge, out, etc. He never tells me that his nappy needs changing, his behaviour doesn't change at all, and he doesn't tell me if he is hungry. Partly that may be because I change his nappy very regularly and give him plenty of snacks throughout the day (raisins, banana etc which I clearly name).

He can hear the television, so if he is in a different room and he hears a programme come on he will run in to watch and he has different dances for different theme tunes. He understands what is going on, and is good about putting rubbish in the bin etc. If I ask him to fetch me something like his juice then he may or may not but I am under no illusion - it is whether he decides to do it or not. He learns about things very quickly, and I suspect that he understands a great deal of what is being said. Not only do I talk to him, but dear heart also talks to him and we talk to each other a lot.

He is so clear when he does want something - like a book reading, he will take your hand, turn it palm up, put the book in the hand and wait for you to read it. He makes himself so clear, but if I try to pretend I don't understand to try and get him to talk I get 'The Look' which says, 'Mother, sort yourself out, you know exactly what I mean.' He will 'ask' for things nicely - with a sort of gentle murmur and a very delicate touch. He did that with some Christmas cards just before Christmas. Dear heart asked if we needed any Christmas cards, I said 'no' but little bear just nodded very vigorously - we bought the cards. They were not particularly expensive.

In a few days time the Health Visitor will visit to assess him for his two year old assessment. What can I expect? I don't want him pigeonholed as 'backward' because other evidence shows he can work out a great deal and even makes jokes. He 'asks' for cuddles, anticipates nursery rhymes, fits things together and he is even starting to copy some of the signing on Ceebeebies and he has only been watching that a few weeks. I don't know if I can cope getting him to speech therapy, as I have trouble getting out of the house with him. Will it be very intensive and will there be things I can do at home?

Any guidance about what I can expect will be extremely gratefully received. I do not want him put in a pigeon hole if he does not need to be. If he does need a specific help of course I will do all I can and I will be grateful for the 'label' as a way of understanding things. I am worried to my bones about his speech, however, and don't know what will happen.

Sorry for the long post.

alwaysonthego_2

Does he mix with other children apart from the play group? He does not sound 'backwards' from what you have said, he is clearly communicating his needs to you in other ways than speech. TBH he is still young and only mothers of children that age can only really understand what they are saying. My daughter is 3 and her speech is starting to become clear, but when she was your son's age she didn't talk because her older sister did it for her. I would keep talking to him and encouraging him to ask for things through games.

Zara33

alwaysonthego wrote: »

Does he mix with other children apart from the play group? He does not sound 'backwards' from what you have said, he is clearly communicating his needs to you in other ways than speech. TBH he is still young and only mothers of children that age can only really understand what they are saying. My daughter is 3 and her speech is starting to become clear, but when she was your son's age she didn't talk because her older sister did it for her. I would keep talking to him and encouraging him to ask for things through games.

Agree with most of your post especially the part i have put in bold, if children think other's will do it for them then they really see no point in doing it for themself.

OP if you were to ignore "the look" REGARDING THE READING WHAT WOULD LITTLE BEAR DO? sorry caps hit the wrong button

wannabe_sybil

Thank you - he is not really mixing with other children apart from once a week - I am ashamed to say I have had a lot of problems but the current lot of medication seems to be working.:o

I am going to try and get him to a local playgroup but that will be a test for me. Also I want to try and get him to Church (I believe, but I want him to go there for the social side which is extremely good for little ones). I am hoping that this will help.

He is such a calm child, seems to take everything in his stride, doesn't flap about anything except the hoover. I am fine taking him out with dear heart and when he has taken us to places where there are strange animals, odd sights, unusual things then little bear is just interested or intrigued. He has not inherited this from me:rolleyes: Dear heart has not been able to take us out much due to various problems... It has been a bit difficult.

wannabe_sybil

Zara33 wrote: »

Agree with most of your post especially the part i have put in bold, if children think other's will do it for them then they really see no point in doing it for themself.

OP if you were to ignore "the look" REGARDING THE READING WHAT WOULD LITTLE BEAR DO? sorry caps hit the wrong button

Thank you. I really appreciate all help on this.

Well, he would pick the book up again then would place it very firmly in your hand, then repeat with further firmness and emphasis, then throw it on the floor. If he felt very upset he would pick it up and throw it again. Then give up. He is a very calm child. He gets over things like not getting what he wants very quickly. I can say no to him. When dear heart has taken us somewhere and little bear has asked for something and been refused, he has just accepted it. It is nothing to do with my parenting, just with him being very calm.

Ms_Chocaholic

Just a thought, when you talk to him can you do it in such a way as to make him have to talk, ie give him a choice at snack time, what book he wants to read or what programme he wants to watch on the TV (sorry re-reading your post it looks like you try to do this but just a thought).

Supermom

It sounds as if your talking about my little boy when he was two, he's now eight and is doing really well at school.

I felt exactly the same as you and really started to panic that there was something wrong, he was my first and I had nothing but the baby books to refer too and all the milestones they mention. I also had my mother-in-law constantly telling me that there was something wrong as all her children could recite the bible at 3 months (only joking about the bible part!).

My little boy didn't even say mama, I was at my wits end and felt a complete failure. But then one day about one month before he was 3 years old he started to talk it was almost as if he had been saving it all up, no baby babble but proper words, though not all at once but gradually over the space of about 6 weeks he was chating as much, if not more than most 3 year olds.

I have 3 children, two boys and one girl, my girl has been talking from about a year old, my youngest is two in a few weeks and still can't be bothered, why talk when you can point!
But this time round I'm not worried, I know it will come he's just taking his time, either that or he can't get a word in edge ways as my eldest does not stop talking from the moment he gets up till he goes to bed, he even talks in his sleep!!!!

So please don't panic, he's probably just taking his time, if anything enjoy the peace while it lasts.

McKneff

I am a nana to a 19 year old boy, a 16 year old boy, and my precious 23 month old grand dauthter, she is only maksing sounds, the only clear thing she says is daddy and nana, (hey, that's me) your baby is as normal as the sun going down and then up next morning, just keep talking to him, dont talk to other people for him and he will be fine. They are all different, first grandson
walked at 10 months, the other at 15 months and Emma at 16 months, emotionally and mentally the measurements are immesurably because with talking you cant see as well as the walking, keep doing what you are doing,
enjoy your baby and stop worrying

Babies and children know far more than us parents and children give them credit for.

alwaysonthego_2

Op have you tried to contact Home start http://www.home-start.org.uk/
a voluntary organisation to support people in your situation. Perhaps they could take your child out whilst you rest. Children learn from observing their peers and you will find that he will develop further when he starts to interact with other children. Don't feel guilty, you want the best for your son and the best start in life for him is a good attachment with his mummy.

wannabe_sybil

I try and encourage him to make choices. This is what makes me so convinced he understands what is going on. He wanted some of dear heart's grapes but he had a bowl of pear chunks in front of him. Dear heart ate a chunk of pear with obvious enjoyment (and theatricality!) and then handed a piece to little bear. Little bear took it, looked at it, put it into dear heart's mouth and then pointed at the grapes. It was very clear he meant - you like pear, you have it, I want the grapes. He has only really used crayons for about a fortnight to three weeks, but understands the rule that he has to be in his chair to use the crayons, and will get the paper, the crayons and sit in the chair by himself. I cannot, however, get him to say 'crayon' or any of the colours.

He can be so clear, it is hard to explain. He just isn't talking. I may start signing, just to get some more communication.

Zara33

I really would advise against signing tbh at the moment.