Does it make me a bad mother??

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

hi OP - my HV was fantastic - i was breast feeding but it was etting too much so i started breast feeding during the day and bottles through the night so OH could do a night for me whilst i tried to get some sleep. HV said it was fine, however, she went away on hol and got this new HV (who was training and had a student with her) who told me i was totally wrong blah blah blah - she got told to vacat my house and never to return and as for future visits i would only see my origional HV. they arent always right. i have a motto"take all advice, say thatnks for advice, pick bits you think are useful, ignore the rest and try them yourself " always works for me :oD

Becles

Join us on the parent club thread in this forum. There's loads of mothers on there and I find their advice and experiences a lot more informative than what my HV says.

Money_maker

Bless you, glad you're feeling much better. Im sure the hv was only trying to help but at the end of the day, your mothering instincts kick in and you will know what is best for you and your son.

Take her advice as guidance, really, rather than 'law'. Feel free to come back anytime for further support - you still have teething, weaning and potty training to come...!

You're doing great - we all get self doubt sometime. Make sure you still get plenty of sleep

mountainofdebt

that mums are made to feel as if they are neglecting their children if they decide to bottle feed ?

I always remember there was a poor girl in my ward who was made to feel as if she was the worst mother ever for deciding that bottle was the way to go after trying to breast feed her little one....I could have quite happily have slapped the 'breast feeding sister' for the comments she made to her!)

Dizie

You are NOT a bad mother! And like has been said, even if you changed to formula completely, you would still not be a bad mother.

Its so hard when babies are ill, rest as much as you can and go with the flow. Please please don't beat yourself up over this, you're doing so well - hang in there.

Money_maker

mountainofdebt wrote: »

that mums are made to feel as if they are neglecting their children if they decide to bottle feed ?

I always remember there was a poor girl in my ward who was made to feel as if she was the worst mother ever for deciding that bottle was the way to go after trying to breast feed her little one....I could have quite happily have slapped the 'breast feeding sister' for the comments she made to her!)

When I was in hospital in march, I was the only bf mother in a ward of 6. Mind you, their babies were dead to the world all night - mine finally went to sleep at 6am!

moggylover

mountainofdebt wrote: »

that mums are made to feel as if they are neglecting their children if they decide to bottle feed ?

I always remember there was a poor girl in my ward who was made to feel as if she was the worst mother ever for deciding that bottle was the way to go after trying to breast feed her little one....I could have quite happily have slapped the 'breast feeding sister' for the comments she made to her!)

And I can remember one poor little lass when I had my second whose poor baby cried and cried and cried for almost 12 hours and they kept coming and latching him on but he didn't seem to get anything from it at all. The whole ward was exhausted listening to him, he kept every other baby fretting as well, and the flaming midwives still kept telling her not to give him a bottle even though her mum was saying that it would give her a much needed rest. Mum won in the end, and we all breathed a sigh of relief as he finally slept, but his mother was made to feel awful until several of us who had done it before told her it was fine, that once she had had some sleep there would be more hope of her milk coming and him being happy. We were right;) and the next day we helped her get him feeding with her laying down on her side and they were fine.

shirlgirl2004

You don't have to see your HV you know. As long as you know your baby is happy and healthy that is what matters.

If you feel as though you can't get out and about because of the need to constantly feed then maybe consider a sling where after a little practice you can feed whilst baby is still in the sling so you can keep shopping or whatever. I suggest it as you sound as if you may be taking an attachment parenting style of care and so it may fit in with what you want. To find out about comfortable slings try www.slingmeet.co.uk . If it's not for you just ignore me

tsstss7

Hi Op

My one yr old was in scbu for a few days when he was born and as a concequence it took me ages to establish breastfeeding properly and lo was mixed fed for around 3 months before I was able to return to fully breast fed with the help of a breast feeding councillor, so if he is anything to go by mixed feeding will do your lo no harm.

I will say though that breast feeding and formula feeding do not coexist well due to the differing nature of the feeds and I did find that my lo was starting to take most of his feed during the one ff of the day at one point.

Alot of my lo bf problems also came about because he got a cold around 6 weeks old just as we established full bf (the first time) and basically stopped feeding properly and became dehydrated. I then had to return to ff and "phase in " breast again....but it was VERY hard work!

My best advice to you is to try and be as chilled out as possible, eat and drink well (my breast milk suffers considerably if I am the slightest bit thirsty) and try to feed more frequently rather than for extended periods of time as it can really wear you out if you are at it all day! If you need to use a bottle and you have expressed milk that is great but bear in mind that you will pay for it in decreased stimulation of the nipples and so may produce slightly less milk the next day. Oh and feeding in the bath is great when lo is snuffly - it hel0ps with the sore throat and the warmth and relaxing feel of the bath helps no end with the let down reflex.

There is some good info out there about breatfeeding but unfortunaletly it is mixed in with the dross! Basic rule of thumb for me though is never take advice about breast feeding from a general babycare book - most are just too generic to cope with real problems - ask your GP to refer you to your area's breastfeeding councillor or go to a breastfeeding group for better practical advice and to be signposted to better books.

hth xx tss

scrimpingbadger

No no no no no. A bad mother is an overly knackered one. Your child needs you to be on top of things not a bedraggled milky mess unable to make decisions.
I couldn't do the breast feeding thing. I did 8 weeks, my boy would feed for 2 hours a time every 2 hours. I had really grim sciatica from the hormones and all that sitting about. So I gave him a bottle of formula. I'm please to say he's still alive and well and about a foot taller than his peers in nursery.
At the time I felt bad for a while but I really had to consider my health, his health and my sanity.

Please remember: 'good enough' really is good enough.