Does it make me a bad mother??

peachyprice

Hi Maxi, just to reiterate, you've done nothing wrong my love. I know breast is best and all that, but the pressure put on new mums is totally unjustified. Formula isn't going to cause your baby any harm, and despite what the BF bullies will have you beleive mixed feeding can work with no ill effect to your baby.

It's not only about doing what is right for your little one, you also have to look after yourself and your sanity. A BF baby with a stressed worn out, depressed mum is absolutely no better off than a mixed or bottle fed baby with a rested, contented mum.

You BF your baby at the most important time, when he was in SCBU and needed the goodness of your milk, and you deserve a huge pat on the back for that. I know how difficult that is having premmie twins to sustain.

Please, trust your own instincts, not what is said in books, and not what some group make you think you must do, to raise a happy healthy baby.

ooobedoo

Hiya, hopefully going to help as well.

DD was in the scbu, but with the added complication of being born at 11lb 1oz, 2 weeks early and I had a CS. I was able to feed her for 2 weeks as I just wasn't producing enough milk.

You are doing so well, it's such a hard situation and to have BF as much as you have, and your not well. Stop beating yourself up, your doing a truly fab job but if you don't take time out for yourself to recover, get some good sleep then this could impact on your milk, and stressing isn't good on the whole milk production either. Give your gorgeous baba a bottle, then it will give you a chance to regroup and feel tip top again.

There is so much propaganda about this whole BF, and the guilt is unbeliveable.

Good Luck xxx

fernliebee

More support here too! In fact as Becles points out, your baby will be getting a fuller feed from you as your milk will have built up. When they are ill, all's fair!! Looking after a new born is so tough but when they are poorly too you have to look after them but also yourself. Sometimes I have to remember my first aid training- you must always look after yourself as no. 1 as without you the patient would be done for too! This is the same with parenting, although I don't know many parents who put themselves first, you do need to look after yourself as a run down, tired mummy will have less milk anyway.

When my DD had a bad cold she wouldn't feed at all!! I was painfully engorged so had to express, I didn't have any bottles in the house so I had to spoon feed her my milk! You just do what you can at the time!

I agree, you should trust yourself. Easier said than done, but nobody else will have the experience you have with your own child. Hope baby gets better soon. Try and get some sleep and things will seem more manageable.

msb5262

Hello OP,
hope you are starting to feel a bit better and less stressed. Just to reiterate what everyone has said, don't feel guilty, do rest. Your baby is very lucky to have such a loving and devoted mum. This is a hard time of year with lots going on as well, so well done - you're doing a brilliant job.
If you decide you want to continue mainly breastfeeding, just bear in mind that your breasts will only make milk in response to the baby feeding so do put him to the breast even if you feel as if there isn't much milk there.
I think maybe your baby has been feeding a lot in the last couple of days a) for comfort and b) to boost your milk supply.
Prolactin, the milk-producing hormone, is at its most active at night and in the early hours...hence babies sometimes want to feed at anti-social hours, basically to create more milk for tomorrow.
If you are feeling stressed about all this, get in touch with a breastfeeding counsellor via the National Childbirth Trust website - they are incredibly kind and supportive of what mums want to do.
Best wishes and hope you're feeling lots better already,
MsB

bumblebee87_2

no way!!! of course you can combination feed! DD had a bottle of formula before bed from 2 weeks, and it really did help her sleep better!

the fact that you are thinking about things like this means you ARE a good mum, if you do what is right for you and your son, then who can say you are doing things wrong?

I think everyone gets stressed about whether they are doing the right thing or not at some point, we are human after all, dont beat yourself up hunni, just go with the flow (so to speak) and you will both be more confident because of it x

shirlgirl2004

MaximumImpact wrote: »

Just felt like I needed to tell someone...since DS was born i have been breastfeeding him, expressing when he was in SCBU for over a month after he was born. I have been fighting to stay breastfeeding but tonight it all got on top of me, DS hasn't stopped crying for 2 days and I feel like a zombie!!

He has been poorly with a cold, as have I and we're both run down. He seems to be feeding more and more. On top of this I have been trying to express milk to get a supply together for days that I am out.

In desperation tonight, to get him settled, I gave him 2ozs of formula. It's against everything I have been doing but I didnt know what else to so?? I am now worried that i've committed the cardinal sin. I keep reading on the net and in all the health books that you cant do breastfeeding and formula!!!

Is it wrong to give him formula now and again????

You don't say how old he is now but babies do have growth spurts and during these times it can feel as if all you do is feed. It's natural. There is nothing wrong and it doesn't mean you don't have milk. Please try not to worry about the expressing whilst you are both ill. You have enough pressure on you. Giving a bottle of formula is not the end of the world despite what some books tell you. Put the books away, decide what you want to do and then try to relax. Contact the Le Leche League if you decide that you want to continue to breastfeed and not feel guilty.

http://www.laleche.org.uk/pages/about/leader_requires.htm

Milford_Cubicle

I must be the worst mother in the world then because my DD refused to latch on and wouldn't suckle until I gave her a bottle of formula in the hospital when she was aged around 18 hours old. She was formula fed from that point on, despite the midwives trying to make me feel bad about it.

He's your son, you know best. Trust your instinct and DO NOT let anyone else, especially not a book, tell you otherwise

Regarding the snuffles, try adding some Vicks, Karvol or Olbas Oil to a bowl of boiling water on the floor below his cot/crib. It should fill the room with lovely mentholly vapours and help the pair of you breathe better. Just be careful with the placing of the bowl.

natalie1974

Just to reiterate what everyone else has said , NO YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUM !
Giving baby a bottle of formula will do him no harm at all , if anything it may fill him up a bit more and give you more of a chance to rest and recover . I mixed fed DD2 with no problems whatsoever , no nipple confusion or refusing to latch on etc and it has done her no harm at all . DD1 was solely formula fed and she is perfectly fine as well .

We all know breast is best but what good are you to your son when you are a washed up wreck who can't focus on anything ( I mean this in the nicest way as well ) .

Sarahsaver

OP - every time he cries offer the breast, if hes not crying then you will be more rested, you can even bf lying down;)
you ARE doing a good job and it WILL get easier, bf is v hard to start with even WITHOUT the difficulties you have had
WELL DONE

MaximumImpact

Hi everyone

Thankyou all so much for your kind words and yes, I have thrown the books where they belong. I am also going to tell HV where to stick it if she tries to make me feel bad at next weigh in. DS is 1 month old corrected age but just over 3 in real terms. After I read a few of your replies last night, I put DS in his cot, shut the door and had a hot bath. Me and DS then settled down in bed for a good nights sleep. (we co-sleep which is another thing that the HV keeps bullying me about saying that I will harm the baby, but I don't feel it is natural to have DS in a cot away from me when he is so small.)

Today I have done nothing but sleep, rest and feed with the help of DH who was more than happy to give a bottle ( which I managed to express as I wasnt so stressed).

I have made a decision to stand up to my HV who has done nothing but criticise everything I have done and made me feel awful!!! As it's my first I really did believe everything I was told....what an idiot!!!

Thankyou once again to everyone

xxxxxx:T