Does it make me a bad mother??

choccycat

hi maximumimpact
please dont feel bad your doing your very best for him.I am bfeeding my baby still at 5 months old but felt like you do at first as i had it drummed into me soooo much by the proffessionals that breast is best and they made out that to give a bottle is like giving your baby poison but after 3 weeks and feeling like i was gonna have a breakdown i gave in and gave one bottle.i mix fed untill she was 7 weeks old then suddenly refused bottle.Have just got her to take the occasional bottle again now but realise al those feelings of guilt over the first bottles were pointless.Baby is thriving and mix fed and just starting solids too.
You just have to do whatever you feel comfortable with and right doing.
Its your family.
Good luck and you have done brilliantly what with baby having been in scbu too.
Try to get as much rest as poss and put yourself infront of any chores too.
C x

moggylover

MaximumImpact wrote: »

Just felt like I needed to tell someone...since DS was born i have been breastfeeding him, expressing when he was in SCBU for over a month after he was born. I have been fighting to stay breastfeeding but tonight it all got on top of me, DS hasn't stopped crying for 2 days and I feel like a zombie!!

He has been poorly with a cold, as have I and we're both run down. He seems to be feeding more and more. On top of this I have been trying to express milk to get a supply together for days that I am out.

In desperation tonight, to get him settled, I gave him 2ozs of formula. It's against everything I have been doing but I didnt know what else to so?? I am now worried that i've committed the cardinal sin. I keep reading on the net and in all the health books that you cant do breastfeeding and formula!!!

Is it wrong to give him formula now and again????

No it's not! If it got you both some peace and rest then it was very much the right thing to do. I used both with both of my boys and they are huge and healthy lads now (13 and nearly 11) so it will not do them any great harm.

Get some rest, and stop feeling guilty: there is no right and wrong way, and no one perfect way;)

mrs_moneyspinner

more reassurance coming your way ... hope you are asleep by now and baby too - mixing breast/formula won't do any harm - you will have a content baby whose poos will vary! you have already given him a good start so no need to feel guilty - I had one breast fed exclusively for 9 months and the other only formula (no milk after blood transfusion) = neither was better off than the other alathough there was plenty of guilt feelings - 2nd time around it was so lovely to share baby as dad/brother enjoyed feeding him and we all benefitted.

alwaysonthego_2

I think they advise you not to mix the both so the baby does not get confused and refuse to latch on to mum. I really wouldn't worry and you need to rest so you can continue to supply your own milk. You must be exhausted, but you sound like you're a good mummy.

Lalaladybird

I have been there, done exactly the same as you, felt terribly guilty, and my dd is fine. If I could turn back the clock with what I know now I'd have breastfed my dd for say 1/2 an hour, then swaddled her (really works to settle babies), then put her in her moses basket/cot/pram etc with a dummy to get a good sleep.

I tried not to give her a dummy....don't know why now I wish I had as she was sucking for comfort not a feed and I was getting exhausted.

I didn't work out to swaddle her for about a month and she kept waking up because of the startle reflex that newborns have and I would think she was hungry again and feed her....she was just tired:rolleyes:

HTH xxx pm me if I can help with anything else xx

Barneysmom

Don't you see you've done brilliantly already, you are a great mom, wanting the best for your little baby.
If you have to use a bottle, don't worry. It's better that you get yourself fit and strong and happy than worrying about what other people think about it, you are great.

My son was 9lb 13oz when he was born, I couldn't sustain him by myself after 3 weeks, he was constantly hungry. By the time he was 6 weeks old I was having to put a quarter of a Rusk in with his formula milk.
He's 6ft 2inches now, a great big tall bloke, not a bit of fat on him and he's very intelligent.

Do what you feel is best for you and your little one, your mother's intuition will tell you it's right.
all the best, you should give yourself a big pat on the back xxxx

Kimitatsu

MI

Dont beat yourself up! You are both unwell - you are stressed out because baby has a cold (first babies are the worst, you worry about every sniffle and tickle!!). Baby is finding it hard to feed becuase he has a cold, so my guess is that he wants to graze all of the time, as much for the comfort as anything else.

Feed him on the bottle if it is easier for now, ensure that you both get enough fluids and as much sleep as you need. I remember when DS1 was born that with his first cold he wouldnt settle unless he was in the car sleeping in his baby seat. So we went for a drive, he went to sleep and I pulled into a layby, locked the doors and caught some shut eye for an hour!!! I felt better afterwards and so did he.

There is no "perfect formula" for parenting, and it is hard enough with a new baby anyway, let alone one who has been through SCBU . You are doing brilliantly and if baby will take a bottle now and then there is no harm in that - wish my two would have it would have made my life so much easier at times.

If you are still worried why not try giving your health visitor or local NCT group a ring. They are all there to support you.

Take care of yourself xx

SarahNeedle1872

Hi MI, just wanted to add more support....

DS was 9lb 3 1/2oz when born, and I bf until he was 5 months and I returned to work/he started weaning.... But I had to supplement with one bottle a day from about 3 months, as I was finding that I couldn't keep up with his needs... I felt awful the first few times he had a bottle, like I'd failed him etc etc, but it meant that he could have a decent bf before bed, and that OH could help out more with feeds in the afternoon, giving me a break. When I went back to work ft, his evening bottles became fomula bottles until he was old enough to switch to cows milk.

Do not worry about giving your kiddie formula, it does them no harm.... and don't get caught up in the books either, they are good as a guide, but only you know what is best for your little one!

Sarah x

blackcoffee

we do not go though life with
'I was exclusively breastfed tattooed on our forehead'

as a mum you sound as if you are doing a wonderful job, and seriously i'd put the books away on a very high shelf !

Becles

Don't beat yourself up about it, even though I know you will as I did

I was very poorly in my last pregnancy and it took a year before I was fully recovered and my daughter arrived a month premature after a very long labour. I managed to breastfeed her exclusively for about three months, but then she had a big growing spurt and my knackered body just couldn't keep up with her.

I used to replace her lunchtime feed and last thing at night feed with a bottle, but still did all the other feeds by breast. She was happier with that and getting better quality milk as my breasts were getting a rest, and it was less of a strain on my body.

These things happen and it doesn't make you a bad mother if you find your baby settles better with some bottle feeds or even if you decide to switch to all formula feeds. Being a good mother is recognising there is a problem and realising that sometimes baby needs a little more than your breasts can provide.