Nursery Problems

skintchick

I used that phrase as the child in the OP doesn;t want to go. And I know most people have to work, thanks to this Government, and I did acknowledge that, but I still think it is not the best thing for children and if that offends, then i'm sorry but it's what I think.

mrcow

skintchick wrote: »

THis is why I plan to be a SAHM. I really think one-year-old children shoudl be with their mums, not shoved into nursery.

I know not everyone can afford to do that, but just because they get used to be shoved into nursery doesn;t mean it's the right thing for them.

mmm....I thought you said on that other thread that you weren't being a Babyzilla?

Hate to break the news to you, but this type of problem will occur at any age, be it aged 1, aged 3 or aged 5 when they start school. Most parents go through it. It has nothing to do with being a SAHM.

If you don't get your children used to a nursery environment before they start school, then you could actually doing them a diservice for when they start school as they could be going through all the separation anxiety issues when all their school friends got over it long before.

And no-one "shoves" their child anywhere. To suggest so is quite insulting to the millions of parents who children go to nursery/preschool up and down the country.

skintchick

MrCow, is having an opinion that differs from yours being a Babyzilla??

If I agreed with you, would you still call me that?

If a child doesn;t want to go somewhere, but is made to, then shoved may be emotive but it is still accurate, in the same way that I shove my cat to the vet - she hates going; it isn;t really that bad once she's there, but there's no way she is ever a willing participant in the travelling part, hnece she is shoved/forced/made to go.

And while it can happen at any age, I still think one year old is too young to go to nursery, especially full-time.

mrcow

skintchick wrote: »

MrCow, is having an opinion that differs from yours being a Babyzilla??

Not at all.

I think the definition of that term was agreed in the thread in question

Nicki

skintchick wrote: »

THis is why I plan to be a SAHM. I really think one-year-old children shoudl be with their mums, not shoved into nursery.

I know not everyone can afford to do that, but just because they get used to be shoved into nursery doesn;t mean it's the right thing for them.

Hmm. This is what skintchick posted on the babyzilla thread

skintchick wrote: »

In which case I am nothing like your mate! Please ignore my previous post and see my reply to Mrcow also. I don;t want to be better than anyone else and I don;t talk about it all the time, I meant about what she hopes to do (no nappies, etc.).

Didn't last long, did it! Whether you agree with mothers going back to work or not, Skintchick, very few of them "shove" their children into nursery. Some very reluctantly put their children in carefully chosen daycare provision,doing their best to ensure the children are settled, and keeping an eye on how good the provision is. The OP in this thread is clearly one of these caring parents. When your baby is born, you'd better brace yourself for the kind of nasty thoughtless comments you are handing out from everyone who disagrees with your parenting choices, and believe me there will always be someone. There are as many ways to parent as there are to live your life, and however perfect you believe yourself to be, you will soon find someone to tell you that you aren't.

skintchick

Nicki
I don;t think I'm perfect, I am expressing an opinion. Just because you dont; agree with it doesn;t make me some kind of freak, nor does it necessarily make me wrong.

My mum also holds this opinion, as does my husband, my mother-in-law, my brother, my father, and my father-in-law, are we ALL 'babyzillas'?

I know many women have to go back to work, but I still hold that it is best for children if their mum is at home with them in the early years, and research backs this up.

It may not be your opinion, but that doesn't mean you should throw names at me just because you disagree with me.

beckseven

My little boy absolutely loves his nursery-he is three now and has due to financial necessity gone there since he was 6mths old. he has some really close friends there and is now a very social little boy. It's never easy at first to leave them-I spent days sobbing in my car and at my desk at first-and to be honest Skintchick your comments would have made me feel really down if I had read them at that time but fair enough you are not bothered about upsetting people by expessing your opinions. My DS now is still a bit reluctant to go in in the mornings but when I go to pick him up I have to almost bribe him to get out because he loves being with his friends. I agree with the posters above that it is best to leave quickly because they settle better when you dont drag out your exit. My DS for the first few weeks of starting nursery was really overtired and this really stressed me out but he soon settled into a routine on nursery days and enjoyed mixing with other children as he is my first (2nd one due in January). My nursery take pictures of the children which are stuck in a year book so I have a record of him at nursery having lots of fun. The time I spend with my DS is real quality time and we have 'our special days' on my days off during the week. I hope all goes well for you and your wife and son and that he settles in nicely soon. Have a lovely Christmas.

MrsTinks

I definitely don't agree with the "babyzilla" phrase flying round - I think skintchick knows I don't agree with her views on nurseries etc but people starting on about "babyzilla" I think it a little bit strong don't you?
I think all the research that claims it's best for mums to be at home with their young children is as reliable as any research... like don't drink when, pregnant, don't drink more than x units a week, DO drink but 1 unit every couple of days especially red wine/stout etc... There are always as many points of view as there are people and that doesn't mean any are right or wrong - one persons right might not be right for another child where there is a different energy in the home or even depending on the child! I was a VERY independant child and I think it was a good thing to be honest. This was because I had to go to a childminder from very early on as dad had to work and my parents had split up.
I think what I and the other posters object to is being potentially accused of "shoving" our children like they were an unloved item against their will instead of doing so after consideration and planning into a nursery where they will be looked after and learn to socialise and importantly SHARE
Would I like to be a SAHM? Yeah but not full time... part time maybe Why? because I want my child to learn to cope without me so if anything should happen then it wouldn't be as traumatic if I had to be away for a while through say illness or accident. Mummy would just be "away a little longer" instead of ripped out of my childs life with no preparation for several days or weeks... I know which I'd see as more traumatic...

mrs_miser

Please dont worry too much.....
I work in a nursery, admit my children are 2 upwards, very few are happy when left for the first few times, some even longer... he/she will settle.
The staff will find stratergies to help your child settle, thats their job.
Funny thing, just had a child leave to go to school, happy, confident 4 year old who has made many friends whilst with us, mum and me laughed about the first month or so when he first started and was absolutely beside himself even used to make him self sick..... the difference over time was un true... stick with it, i know you have to x feel free to ask any thing

Becles

skintchick wrote: »

If a child doesn;t want to go somewhere, but is made to, then shoved may be emotive but it is still accurate, in the same way that I shove my cat to the vet - she hates going; it isn;t really that bad once she's there, but there's no way she is ever a willing participant in the travelling part, hnece she is shoved/forced/made to go.

You can't run your life around what your children want to do. The parent has to take control and tell the child what they are doing otherwise it just creates bigger problems later on.

Mine whinged because they didn't want to go to Tesco at 8am this morning, but they got "shoved" round anyway, as I wanted to go when it was quiet rather than go during the day when it's manic.

On days I'm at home, sometimes they decide they don't want to go to school as they fancy staying home with me, but they get "shoved" into school.

And so on.

OP - I agree with the others who say just say bye and leave. It's heartbreaking but it really is the best way. My eldest was a right primadonna when I left him at a playgroup when he was 3 - hanging on my leg and saying "pleeeeese don't leeeeeeave me" and going big theatrical sobs. However once I was out the building, he just got on a played. They said it was like a control thing as he wanted me to go away with his baby brother feeling guilty, so I wouldn't enjoy the time with his brother as much. I know he's only 1, but they do learn manipulation techniques from a very young age.

The youngest settled better if I left him next to his favourite lady at the playgroup and she distracted him by saying "we're going to have so much fun doing ...... today" and I'd say that it sounded much better than the boring ironing or hoovering I was going home to do. Your son is a little younger, so maybe they could distract him with his favourite toys or books as you leave, so he forgets he is upset about you going.

I know it's awful now but it's just a phase and once he gets used to it, you should be fine when he has to move onto school etc. Once we got to school, mine just wandered off on the first day and said "bye Mam" while others were still going through the clingy don't leave me phase.