Nursery Problems

Hawksmuir

Just looking for advice here.
My son has started his induction to the nursery, mum starts back to work p/t in January. The nursery is great, and some of his wee pals are already there, however he is bawlign the place down.
He is just turned 1 and has been with his mum almost 24/7.
Thats his 3rd day at nursery, we are stepping it up, day 1 was an hour (30 minutes on his own), day 2 was 2 hours, and yesterday was another 2 hours with mum there.
We are looking at doing mornings for the first week, then its 8 till 2 for a week then a full days.

Has anyone else had problems with their wee people settling at the nursery ? and how did they overcome it ?
And does our plan seem sensible ?

Js_Other_Half

Ds sobbed for the 3 days a week he first started at nursery for about a month...and he was a similar age. It's an awful feeling leaving your child screaming and being an octopus trying to leave...


If the introduction goes on too long then the child gets confused about how long s/he is going to be there as they've already had mixed messages about it? Ditto the mum being there - although I can completely understand her wanting to be there. Before he started at nursery I'd called in on spec occasionally with DS and played with him in the baby room so I could see what the staff were like with no warning of a visit.

You trust the nursery, so sometimes it's better to be short and sharp? eg 2 days mornings, 2 days 8-2 then the following week start full days? This is all dependent on how your child is reacting to the slowly slowly approach - it may be for him that if he's calm and coping then slowly will work for him and his personality.

galvanizersbaby

Has anyone else had problems with their wee people settling at the nursery ? and how did they overcome it ?


Hello Hawksmuir
I think yes most parents have similar issues with their children settling. My 2 children were both at nursery from an early age - though it's horrible leaving them screaming I agree with trying the short and sharp approach mentioned in the above post.
What do the nursery staff say about how he settles when mum has gone?

Hawksmuir

He seems to be OK for 20 minutes after his mum leaves.

The biggest issue (for me) is that he isn't sleeping through the night now, he used to do 7 to 7, now he is waking at 11.30, 2.30 and 4.30.
When he wakes he wont let me console him, he only wants his mum, which is really upsetting.

blackcoffee

1 is one of the clingiest ages to suddenly start nursery, they over come it tho, its heart breaking for us mums, but if you are happy with where you are leaving him, then give it time, and he will soon settle. just bare with it. x

WestonDave

There is a theory that boys are somehow worse at coping with separation than girls (I think I read that in the Toddler Taming book) so I'm not surprised if his nighttimes are a bit disrupted while he gets used to it - although at this time of year colds etc plus teething are equally likely to be the culprits.

Our eldest son took to it like a duck to water and although every morning now he says "I don't want to go to nursery" he says that about everything that involves making the effort to put his coat on so I take it with a fairly large shovel of salt! (We did have a laugh when we took him to the school he will be going to next year - the head was showing us round and explaining how the parents could stay with their kids for as long as necessary until they got settled etc - DS1 joined himself into the reception class and was most disgruntled when we told him he had to come home with us and wait for another year!)

I would say that DS2 has struggled more. He clings to me in the mornings when I drop him off and usually wails a bit, but the girls in the room are very good and usually whisk him off to look out the window at the rabbits in the garden etc. Unless he is a bit off colour he is then fine for the rest of the day and normally a bit reluctant to leave to come home. I've also noticed that he tends to be a bit more restless and maybe wakes crying in the night after a day at nursery, but it tends to be me that can finally settle him back - that may correlate with me leaving him, and your wife leaving your boy so its the comfort of knowing the "leaver" hasn't left that they want rather than it being a preference thing.

I tend not to drag out the leaving bit - I make it clear I'm leaving so its not a shock to find I've gone but I say bye cheerfully and make a bit of a game of it so it doesn't convey the message that I'm leaving them into something dreadful, and then just get out. If you need a cry do it in the carpark/street where they can't see you - yes it is hard leaving them when they appear upset but a lot of it is about getting a reaction from you - once you are gone they will very quickly turn their attention to whoever else they can find to get some attention from.

If its any consolation - as a benefit you will find them coming home from a day at nursery seeming to have moved on in their development whether its play or speech or whatever. With both of our two it was noticeable on the evenings of their two nursery days.

lynnexxxo

Both my ds's screamed blue murder when the started nursery. The staff told me the best thing to do was just to say bye and leave. Broke my heart, bad enough that you don't really want to go to work, without feeling guilty that they are having a terrible time without you. I used to phone ten minutes later and they were fine, happy as larry!

skintchick

THis is why I plan to be a SAHM. I really think one-year-old children shoudl be with their mums, not shoved into nursery.

I know not everyone can afford to do that, but just because they get used to be shoved into nursery doesn;t mean it's the right thing for them.

MrsTinks

Unfortunately being a SAHM isn't an option for the majority of women though... And I don't think it's a case of "shoving" them Looking at the kids that my friends have the ones with the most problems behaviourwise as they have got older are the ones that haven't gone to nursery at least part time to socialise on their own and learn not to always depend on their parents.

Not saying there is a wrong or a right, but I'd certainly take it the wrong way if my child ended up in nursery and someone accused me of "shoving" them in there like I was dumping them and not loving them...

'm still hoping/planning to have a nanny if we can at all afford one when I go back to work, but it may be that it's part time and a day or two a week is in nursery so that bean can play with lots of other babies and get used being seperated for a short while rather than traumatise them when they are older...

Each to their own I think

clairec79

She needs to go, drop him say goodbye and go - hang round outside (make sure he can't hear her), maybe peek through the window.

You either trust the nursery to take care of him or you don't (I know that sounds harsh but dragging it out makes it harder on him for the long run. It's a change in his routine and it'll take him a while to get used to it - but it shouldn't take more than a week or so - as long as you don't faff with it - if some days he's there and mummy stays he gets confused

lynnexxxo

skintchick wrote: »

THis is why I plan to be a SAHM. I really think one-year-old children shoudl be with their mums, not shoved into nursery.

I know not everyone can afford to do that, but just because they get used to be shoved into nursery doesn;t mean it's the right thing for them.

Well without wishing to start an arguement I disagree. My children love nursery, they used to cry whenever I left them, albeit with dad, gran or anyone else.

I think your use of 'shoved in a nursery' are a bit inflamatory. Mums feel guilty enough about a million things, without other mums judging them too.

Merry christmas