Nursery Problems

alwaysonthego_2

At around the age of 13 months is a funny phase for attachment and children tend to be clingy, but it is a normal part of their social/emotional development. I am sure the EPPE report (longitudinal study) found that children benefited from having attended an early years provision; intellectually and emotionally.
In some cases nursery is probably the best place for a child if their parents do not interact with them and they are left in front of the tv 24/7 and to wander the streets. I personally think it is good for a child in moderation.

Janepig

To the OP - stick with it and it does get easier. Both DD and DS have gone to day nursery (DS is still there!) and loved it. They went part time and have really benefitted from it. Of the two, DS has been the clingier, so that might support the "boys are clingier" theory. He always has to be lifted out of the car and carried in (even though he's 3 on Friday and well capable of walking!), but as soon as his coat is off inside he races away to get his second breakfast of the morning without so much as a goodbye!!!

He started going to welsh playgroup in September for two mornings a week (9-11.30am) and was very upset the first twice that I left him, but by the second week he was chomping at the bit to get in and get playing and once again is running off without even saying goodbye!

I could say that I know an awful lot of stay at home mums who do nothing with their children day in day out, I could also say that I know grandparents who "look after" their grandchildren by plonking them in front of the tv all day, but that would do a dis-service to the vast majority of sahm's and grandparents who do a fantastic job of bringing up their children/grandchildren.

Skinty, all I'll say is "judge not, lest ye be judged" :rolleyes::D.

Jxx

ooobedoo

Oh I have just sat here laughing my head off! It makes me laugh the smug pregnant people ''who won’t do this, won’t do that…….'' hilarious! Comedy Gold. Somebody kick that soapbox from skinchick please

Lynn11

My daughter was in nursery when she was 10mths. She did not like to be left at the beginning but as soon as the staff took her to another room to visit the fish, she would stop crying - mummy out of sight so will stop crying now. 1 year on she is ok and allows me to drop her off and go to work for 3days. When I collect her she does not wish to leave and it is a job to try to get her jacket and shoes on. I like the idea that I can work to be me for 3 days and be mum the other 4 days where she also interacts with other kids at different groups etc. At age 1 they do tend to get clingy but the nursery will phone you if they are really concerned but most of the time they are able to cope. Drop off your child and go away for the morning, if you have not started work yet, and try to enjoy the free time you have and the nursery will let you know if there are any problems - this way you and your child are getting used it.

milliebear00001

There's actually rather a lot of evidence from psychological studies supporting both sides of the daycare/home argument! The upshot of all of it seems to suggest that those children who benefit most from QUALITY daycare, are those who would otherwise not receive the large amounts of 'input' from a parent at home. It IS possible to raise happy children who are in daycare, and it's perfectly possible to achieve this as a SAHM also - depends what you/the nursery are doing with the kids all day!

As with so much in parenting, there would appear to be no 'one size fits all, right way' to do things. Children are different and families have different needs - we all muddle through in the end and most kids (miraculously) come through it all pretty unscathed! We've chosen to have a parent at home full time (and made various financial sacrifices to do so). We think that was the best we could do for our family and our kids, but I don't think that's the case for all children and families. My daughter (no daycare) was always an extremely confident and independent child, and still is. My son is much shyer and we will send him to nursery in order to help him 'practice' his social skills, and develop confidence. Horses for courses.

The OP's child is 1ish which is the age at which separation anxiety peaks. It's unlucky that age has coincided with nursery starting, but the behaviour the baby is displaying is completely normal for a one year old (my son was incredibly clingy at the same age despite being cared for 24/7 by me and me alone - this is NOT a daycare issue!) I would stick with it. In a few months your LO will naturally have less separation anxiety anyway, and things will become easier for all of you. What I would add though, is that you should be absolutely sure that you have total confidence in your nursery.

barnaby-bear

traveller wrote: »

Well my son will be shoved off to nursery next month at 8 months old.I'm quite used of the comments against this,lol:D The nursery he'll be going to, said that once he's dropped off in the morning there's to be no hanging about and when I come to collect him later in the day, they'll show me the cctv footage , so I can see how quickly he'll probably settle once I'm gone and at work.I find this suggestion quite helpful.

Thanks to those that have posted ideas, as it is really stressful for the parents as they feel guilty for leaving them as well as worrying and then on top of that dealing withwork politics as well.You can tell I can't wait for my maternity leave to come to an end after christmas:D

My cousin's lad is being 'treated' by the local family unit for 'behavioural difficulties' - mom is a SAHM because they are loaded and was quite smug only it turns out since no-one else was she got very few play-dates, all the socialising was through nursery and now he's started prep-school turns out he's not as well adapted/socialised and a 'we need to talk about...' case

Savvy_Sue

GOING OFF-TOPIC


Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: While it’s easy to wander off-topic that often prevents newbies finding the information they want quickly and easily (please see this rule). Please keep this thread on topic. If you’d like to discuss non-MoneySaving related topics please continue your discussion in The MoneySavers Arms or Discussion Time. If you have any questions about this policy please email [EMAIL="%20abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]!!!!!![/EMAIL].

So, a reminder: this thread is about a child settling at nursery, NOT about whether the child should be there at this age. Thank you.

liney

Explain to him exaxctly what's happening each time you leave him exactly the same wording to form a routine, and he knows exactly what is comming ie " You are going to stay here while mommy goes to work to earn pennies, then i'll come and fetch you then we'll go and meet daddy" or similar. Big kiss then leave. No faffing at the door way, or 19 kisses because that will become part of the routine too!

Does he have a blankie, or a teddie he's fond of he could take with him? My son didn't start nursery, well it was pre-school actually until he was 3 and abit, so bribery worked at that age.

Disturbed sleep is common during a change of routine, but he'll probably be back to normal as long as you don't encourage the wakings with too much fuss. Just Shush him, tuck him back in.

I'm sure it's Skinkchicks hormones making her so spitefull, so just ignore her comments. You know you aren't "shoving" your son anywhere.

webbie

I think liney has the best advice - actually talk to your child about it!! It's amazing what difference it can make when a child can being to picture/know what is going to happen - a one year old is fully old enough to have their day explained to them - and then "talk" through each stage as it happens - it becomes a routine!

I have worked as a childminder - and can assure you the best way to drop off children is to explain what is happening - drop off - say goodbye firmly, confirm you ARE coming back for them and - go! The child always calms down quickly - the longer the goodbye - the more upset a child gets, and the longer he/she takes to calm down. The child sees you have gone - and true to your word - you come back!

Anxiety steps in when the child is unsure if you are coming back. Keep a firm routine - and come back. This is why a "build up" routine is usually in place - the parents go/come back irrespective of time - it's the message of going/coming back that is initally important. It's often as much for the parents too as it is for the child!

Best of luck - and as for the "shoving" into daycare - hey - who wouldn't want to be in a room full of exciting toys, games, activities and interaction - rather than sitting in a trolley in Asda or waiting for mum to hoover the lounge!!

onlyroz

Yes, definitely don't hang around at the nursery - far better to leave them at the door with a kiss and a hug, and a promise of return, and then walk away. In most cases the child will cry for a short while after you've left and then be absolutely fine.

As for the nursery vs. stay-at-home debate - you do what's best in your individual circumstances. For me it was a choice between staying at home with my boy but living in a tiny flat, or moving to a bigger house with garden and going out to work. No contest in my mind, but I'm not going to criticise anyone else for either staying at home or using daycare. Both methods can turn out well-rounded kids or little monsters.