Boyfriend moving in how do I protect my home?

catmiaow

melancholly wrote: »

well i like having the option to live with someone first, before marriage is an issue! you learn so many different things about someone when you share a flat/house and it can be a deal maker or breaker. i certainly have no intention of buying a house with my OH until we're lived together somewhere rented first and tested the water. luckily, we both have a similar outlook (which does, in fact bode well for the future!).

in the OP's situation, renting together isn't an easy option since she owns somewhere already.... i think some conversation about what him moving in really means financially is essential. i would encourage any friend of mine in that situation to just be careful about letting someone pay the mortgage and to take advice. (and my OH owns and if we were ever to move in together in his place, which is pretty unlikely, i would actually bring up the topic myself to make sure we knew where we were - i would want to make it clear i have no interest in paying towards the mortgage as it would complicate things).

Completely agree with you. This is the kind of advice I wanted :j

dipsy

and if you live with someone that contibutes nothing but lives with you then what, but they dont contribute cos they have other costs. ,,,,

Mrs_Ryan

Im in a similar sort of situation but the shoes on the other foot with me. My OH owns his own house and refuses to allow me to contribute (presumably for the reason of the mortgage thing) We have been living together 2 years in January and I keep saying to him I feel uneasy about the fact if he gets fed up with me he could just kick me out knowing I have no money and nowhere else to go, (he did that once before, told me I had to get out knowing fine well I had nowhere else to go and was just about to lose my job - lovely eh???)

Just be careful here - I realise you want to protect your home cat, but dont take it to extremes! Im in the situation now where OH is taking the mickey big style but I cant afford to move out, so make doubly sure there's some sort of fall-back for your BF if you decide you've had enough of him. He might have plenty of friends but could they all take him at short notice? Maybe try to find one who could make you a firm promise.
My OH swore blind he would never just throw me out when I moved in with him but he tried - he said exactly the same thing when I moved in, that if the worst happened that I could stay till I found somewhere else, but one morning he decided he had enough and told me he wanted me out within a month knowing fine well there was no way I could find anywhere else in that time.
We looked into getting some sort of living together agreement drawn up - apparantly they are a really good idea. But I do agree - be a bit careful about letting him pay the mortgage.

Susan_Frost

It is a fact of life that many relationships dont survive - sad but true.
It is also a fact of life that many relationships do survive and are very happy.

It is only sensible that either side protects their financial position.

Dont know what the individual ages/wages/job opps have been like for the two of you, but if you have managed to get your act together and have had a mortgage for 3 or 4 years, what has he been doing with his money? Is he responsible and built some sort of security up, even if not a mortgage, or has he got nothing to show for his time in the adult world.

Money is one of the key areas in a relationshlip where you both need to have roughly the same attitudes and pull together.

I would suggest taking note of much of the above regarding proving you paid your own mortgage, etc.

In the meantime, he could invest his money in a buy to let, prices are dropping at the moment, or whatever other place he wants to put his money. If all goes well with your relationshlip, maybe ultimately buy something together or he BUYS into your house and he goes on the mortgage. 50/50.

As someone has already said, remember Paul McCartney. When asked by a reporter if they had a pre-nup he quite scathingly said it is love and not necessary. But, there you go.

Hope it does work well for you both and you have a happy future together.

January20

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I said it CAN be, just that it isn't necessarily.

I think I must be a fair bit older than you and I think of all the time and energy I've wasted having "a shot at happiness" with a lot of guys who were nothing but a waste of space. Financial security and personal independence become increasingly important and not to be given up lightly, particularly for someone who you don't care enough about to marry.

I totally agree with what you have said on this thread. And to the people who say the OP is not ready to move in with her boyfriend/ doesn't trust him, etc., I just want to say this:

I watched my now ex-husband turn from my best friend into my worst enemy once he found another woman. At the beginning of our relationship he would have done anything for me, at the end he would have rather seen me dead.

The fact is that you never know how a relationship is going to develop. The OP is very sensible to want to protect her home. It's bad enough having to cope with a broken heart without having fears of losing part of your home too.

I don't believe you ever truly know a person 100%, however much you love them or however much they say they love you and are committed to you.

Errata

catmiaow wrote: »

Completely agree with you. This is the kind of advice I wanted :j

Here's a bit more - make sure you understand the implications of Beneficial Interest. Good luck

Susan_Frost

To Mrs. Ryan I would say. Put what money you would be paying towards the mortgage into something else. A property if you can, but if not, then ISAs and get some financial advice. At least if you do split, you would have something of your own to fall back on. It sounds as though you are not really happy and are staying for other reasons, which must be really difficult for you. Start yourself a "leaving fund", he does not need to know about it.

This was a few years ago. I have a friend who met a guy and they had their own homes, paid for. They agreed that, as he is retired she started working part time so they have more time together. She moved in and was going to rent out her house as income towards her part time wage. He then persuaded her to sell her house, saying she could then buy into his house and he would put her name on the deeds. She sold, he delayed things and made excuses and he then changed his mind. So she is now very vulnerable as she has dipped into her money to pay her way, so now has not the money to buy anything else. Would be too old to get a mortgage, retires soon and is on part time wages. Where he was coming from in all this I dont know, he may have felt vulnerable if she had her own place and felt she could easily leave him. Maybe it's about control, etc. that is the relationship side of things.

But financially, she is now vulnerable. He is a bit older than her, and if he dies first just where will she live? They both have kids of their own, so his property will go to his kids unless he puts her in his will.

Money is important. It is your time, your effort, your security. It does not mean no give and take by any means, but the basics need to be clear.

Hope you are happy enough with your guy. But get some financial security behind you in case you are not. Good luck.

Curly_Chick

I am in the same situation I own my own flat and my BF moved in. It has taken a while for us to get comfortable with the situation as we are not married or engaged and are happy with where we are but we both feel vaunrable at the same time.

The best advice I can give is: TALK TALK TALK! make sure you are both 100% clear on your position clear on the big picture and clear on the details.

Have a disscussion and agremment in place for bills and other joint expenditure - bills, food, washing powder and loo rool etc. - We have a kitty (jar in the kitchen) we both pay the same amount into each month and all food, common hosuehold products and expenditure comes out of it - this means that my BF isn't always handing me the money and feels he has a say/some control. We also use any extra oney left over for a nice meal or a fun couple thing at the end of each month.

Even if you don't want it too this will chnage the balance of your relationship - sometimes you need to be flat mates and other times you need to be a couple and leave the flat out of it!

If you have any doubts have things written down.

needaspirin

En

ding A Relationship

Cohabitation

The ownership of possessions can be quite complicated, but there are some general rules which apply:-
• property owned by one partner before s/he started cohabiting remains her/his property
• ownership of gifts given to one or both of the couple by someone else depends on the intention of the person who gave them
• the person who bought an item generally owns it; it will be owned jointly if bought from a joint account
• property given by one partner to the other belongs to the receiver of the gift. However, this can be difficult to prove. To show that it was a gift, it is necessary to prove that the goods were actually handed over into the recipient's possession. When goods are in joint use, this can be impossible to demonstrate.
If one partner gives the other housekeeping money, any property brought with savings from it will probably belong to the person giving the money. This is different from the position in marriage where savings from the housekeeping money would in a court dispute usually be divided equally between the husband and wife.

catmiaow

needaspirin wrote: »

Ending A Relationship

Cohabitation

The ownership of possessions can be quite complicated, but there are some general rules which apply:-
• property owned by one partner before s/he started cohabiting remains her/his property
• ownership of gifts given to one or both of the couple by someone else depends on the intention of the person who gave them
• the person who bought an item generally owns it; it will be owned jointly if bought from a joint account
• property given by one partner to the other belongs to the receiver of the gift. However, this can be difficult to prove. To show that it was a gift, it is necessary to prove that the goods were actually handed over into the recipient's possession. When goods are in joint use, this can be impossible to demonstrate.
If one partner gives the other housekeeping money, any property brought with savings from it will probably belong to the person giving the money. This is different from the position in marriage where savings from the housekeeping money would in a court dispute usually be divided equally between the husband and wife.

So basically your saying if they do not pay towards my mortgage they can not claim anything. What he will pay is towards household bills, nothing towards my mortgage.