A year in the life of my BR.

ANewEra

I have been wandering about this site for about a week now, and have read lots of posts from various people and have seen all the help and emotional support you all give.
I have seen a few of you write diarys on here, and I don't want to pinch anyones ideas, but I would like to write my own diary on here as a way to release my thoughts and ask questions that I am always coming across.

I'm 31, since my early 20's I've had credit cards, always kept them under control - or so I thought by paying at least the minimum, had a small bank loan for a car and repayments were fine. I guess I got used to having the cc there, and if I wanted/needed something the funds were instantly there. I had good job so it never bothered me that the debt was mounting up as I saw a bill once a month and paid what I could, it never really occured to me that even though they were being paid, they were never going down.
When I met G, we were both in the same situation, after a year I fell pregnant, and we decided to consolidate all the cc onto one loan to keep things easy to manage. This was in my name. We vowed to leave the cc alone and deal with the loan. However, with new baby, maternity leave, postnatal depression - which led to me demoting myself at work as I couldn't cope, and a huge wage cut the cc came back out just to cover living costs. That was about 4 years ago. By 3 years ago it was obvious we were in a bad situation, we were juggling the min payments, missing some, I had even taken 6 months off work - I knew we couldn't afford it but I was in deep PND and just could not cope at all, the strain of the debt was also taking it's toll, and ironically by leaving work I was making it worse, but I felt that I was going to do something stupid if I didnt just take a break for a while. Eventually we contacted the cccs and started a dmp. After about 6 months the strain of it all split us up. I moved out with our child and spoke to the cccs about my own dmp ( I now work full time again) I also get CTC and WTC, the cccs calculation was that with my own dmp it would take 15 years to clear what was in my name. I agonised about what to do, as my son would be 18 by then, I just felt like such a failure as a mum that his whole childhood would be governed by my debt, would I be able to treat him, take him places, buy him clothes...all these questions in my head kept me awake and permantly stressed, I was so scared that depression would rear its head again, so after must thought and research I took the plunge and started to fill in my BR forms on line, phoned the local court and booked a date - 12th Dec - I was terrified, scared people would find out and see me as a failure, talk about how much of a mess I must have made of my life, scared that work would find out, scared that my landlord would throw me out - I've read my agreement and it doesn't mention it - scared my mum would know and think I was useless daughter and can't provide for my son, scared I would loose my car, scared of everything, but I knew that I had to do this, as I was more scared of 15 years of dmp.

I went to the court on the 12th, the lady at the desk was nice and explained what would happen, then I had to sit and wait to see if they wanted to speak to me. I was taken into what was like a small court room, the lady - was she a judge? I'm not sure, I was so terrified that I had trouble concentrating - I was expecting a huge telling off for getting into this situation but she was absolutley lovely, and said that she hoped I could put this behind me and have a enjoy my life without the strain of debt. I wish I had thanked her, but I thought I was going to cry so just nodded and said goodbye and left.
All that day I kept thinking 'I ought to feel so relieved but I don't'. That evening I lay in bed and worried, not about debt this time, but about why I didn't feel any better. Gradually over the course of the next few days it sunk in that I didn't have the debt hanging over me, and the fact that I had made these desicions, filled in these forms, been to court - I suddenly felt that I had achieved something.
17th - spoke to the OR on the phone. She was lovely too, I had expected everyone that I dealt with to be angry with me, (maybe I am angry with myself, and this is why I expect it?) she said I could keep the car as I need it for travelling to work, and she won't need to tell my landlord - two huge sighs of relief.
Now I am scared of another thing - my in/out goings have a difference of £109, and she says that only up to £99 is 'safe'. Also, I had calculated for emergencies and entertainment, which without this takes it to £150, but after reading on here it seems that child benefit isnt counted, so that might take it back under the magic £99. But then what if they dont agree with my out goings?
I know I ought to take responsibility and pay off some of this money I owe through an IPA, but then I am also scared of what if...the car needs replacing, what if I get an enormous electricty bill ....all these 'what if's' that I'm sure in the big scheme of things don't really matter.

Ooops, this is quite long, but I am glad that I have managed to get out what is in my head. Hopefully writing it and reading it will put some perspective on it for me, and also let me see how by tackling each thing that comes along I am actually stronger and more organised that I think. I will look back on this on Dec 12th 2009 and see what a journey I have been on.

DON79

Hi ANewEra, thanks for posting this up here.

[the cccs calculation was that with my own dmp it would take 15 years to clear what was in my name. I agonised about what to do, as my son would be 18 by then, I just felt like such a failure as a mum that his whole childhood would be governed by my debt, would I be able to treat him, take him places, buy him clothes...all these questions in my head kept me awake and permantly stressed]


I really really understand where you are coming from about this bit above in particular. I have a two and a half year old and a 15 month old. And my cccs dmp meant I would not be debt free until 2061, long long after they had grown up and left home. And I would spend their whole childhood struggling to even let them have little treats and things to enjoy. It was getting me so depressed and also under great stress. I am going BR on the 7th January and I already feel so much better and I know that my life and their life is going to be better for my going BR. I have such big feelings of guilt every time I can't do something for them or every time that I can't cope with them or get upset. I was feeling like such a failure as a mum and it is getting better, I do not feel so bad as I did before.

since my early 20's I've had credit cards, always kept them under control - or so I thought by paying at least the minimum, had a small bank loan for a car and repayments were fine. I guess I got used to having the cc there, and if I wanted/needed something the funds were instantly there

I had this as well, I had a credit card, a car loan, a well paid job. It was after I got married and had children that things got out of hand with the debts. Up until then, I had even paid off my credit card bill in full most months. I swapped my car every three or four years, thinking nothing of getting it on finance again.

Thank you again ANewEra.

choccycat

hi

I found it useful reading this.Im just starting the journey with filling in forms and waiting for appointment with debt advisor at cab.
Well done for getting this far and dont be too hard on yourself our feelings are similar with regards to our babies and of failure etc.Im petrified.But if you could keep writing i will follow your story and most likely take comfort from it.
That im not alone that is, and may not be the only one to have difficulties throughout the process.And be reassured that its ok and you get there in the end if you know what i mean?!(I dont mean that to sound like its in a negative way, im finding it difficult to write exactly what i mean) well done for being brave and sorting it

Cat x

deedee_3

Hi and welcome to the board.

Well done on having the courage on making your first post. We will try to help and support you through your journey.

Would you like to put up the SOA you submitted to the OR.

startagain_2

Hello ANewEra and welcome to the board .....

Firstly, thank you so much for being brave enough to post your first thread. What an outpouring! I confess it made me weep ...... so many of the things you have written hit home and Well Done You for doing it all on your own .....
Like you, all the "officials" I have spoken to already have been lovely and really helpful. I thought they would be really horrid and judgemental, but they're not.
I am scared about everything too and it is really good to read that other people feel/felt the same way. It sort of makes you feel one of a number, instead of all on your lonesome.
Finally, please do write a diary on here. I for one will read it religously.
I am not an experienced poster like some on here but please don't fret about the small surplus on you SOA. Like deedee says post it on here and they will have a look. deedee was one of the first to check mine over and gave some great advice.
Have a good Christmas - and look forward to the future and not backwards to the past...
SA

yellowmonkey

Wow great post

Totally relate to giving your children what you can. Went to Florida this year all on credit and part of the reason I am going BR.This was credit that I got after I had started my DMP( a big no no )

Could not afford it but it was the catalist for me facing facts and getting myself sorted. The children will probably have a better Father though as I realise it is not what you do but who you are with that makes the time magical.

Keep posting and Happy Xmas

ym

denise123

this was a lovely post thanks for sharing it.

what got me was after BR, how scared I was of money, it took me a year to get used to budgets, this was such a headache, now I feel like I am obsessed with it, always checking the bank, always got my budget list handy, it is now starting to really make my OH fed up, he has almost had enough of it all.

living within our means was difficult, having to save up to buy even something simple like a kettle is a pain in the backside, [we dont have much money at all]

the other thing that has stopped my life so to speak is the fact that I would love to go to college to get some qualifacations, but am to scared of student loans, so have said no. anything that says to me you will owe so and so, so much for so many years, scares me no end

we live ok you know, pay the bills sort out the direct debits and see whats free for shopping, after that anything else is just put into a savings account for birthdays and xmas, holidays are out of the question totaly, it has also messed up my thoughts of driving lessons, as I cannot comprehend spending that much per week on them, nor can I see how I can afford to save up for the two tests.

its a relief to get the debts away, its also a struggle now to make sure we have enough cash to pay for things, it has taught me a huge big lesson.

But when I look around and think we bought that with cash, that feeling makes up for it all.

people sometimes think its easy go BR get rid of debts and start again, they do not see fully, the picture on the other side of BR

thanks for posting this, and well done, enjoy your future now

xx

Merry_Gentry

ANewEra wrote: »

I am also scared of what if...the car needs replacing, what if I get an enormous electricty bill ....all these 'what if's' that I'm sure in the big scheme of things don't really matter.

Hi ANewEra,

It is scary. Since going BR and moving out on my own with my girls, my car has cost me over £1,000 in repairs, new bills all over the place - it has been quietly terrifying. But each time I have juggled and found a way, and the thought that I owe no money, that I am using no credit - it's something I am quietly proud of.

You have done so so well, and I must admit I found my initial BR diary, and my ramblings diary really handy to look back on. Remind me how I felt/dealt with things.

And I look at my girls and I know that I am teaching them the important things in life - that it's not money that's important, it's family and health.

Stay strong :grouphug:

ANewEra

Thank you everyone for your kind words of support. I'm glad that you can relate to what I say, it's true, it makes you realise that you are not the only one and if others before have got through all this then you can too.

Well, today I posted off the expenditure thing, (when I spoke to the OR on the phone, she said there was a guide to what is accpetable on the internet, but I couldn't find anything and I googled just about everything thing I could think of)

I find it strange that a 'holiday fund' is allowed, yet an 'emergeny fund' is not.

This is what I wrote down:
rent 750 income:
housekeeping 250
electricity dd 62
water dd 23
petrol 250
clothing 30
council tax 132
childcare fees 548
car insurance 38.05
tv licence 11.61
contents ins 10
car breakdown 5
car tax 17
car repairs 30
hair cuts 13
holiday fund 40
1/4 electric 40

---

total 2279.66

income
net wage 1147
child benefit 75.20
child tax credit 604.24
work tax credits 237.16
housing benefit 172.32
child maintanence 200

---

total 2435.32
Although, one thing that I did not say was, I pay the first £243 of childcare from my gross wages, so my net is now £990, then I pay the difference from my wages, so I still have the same childcare costs, but as I am saving paying tax on the first £243 pounds, I probably save about £40 as untaxable. Will the OR know this - will they say this is fraud? OMG, why didn't I just say this to start I would have less stress worrying even if I had less money.

And then when I get home tonight there is a bill from E-on not content with £62 dd for the electricity, there is another £48.75 they want from somewhere! Thank goodness I have a 1/4 electric fund, although whether this is allowed I have yet to find out.
There are some costs that you cannot do anything about, the rent, council tax, petrol etc are all static, but I figure I can try and keep costs down with electric and food, I don't have my water on constantly, I turn it on when I come in from work so I can wash my son, do the washing up and have a shower, and I don't often have the heating on - I have one flat above and two below, so am insulated to a point - if it gets cold I turn them on for a while but I am so obsessed by how much they will cost I am scared to, but I don't want my little boy getting cold, I make him wear big jumpers most of the time!

I forgot to say yesterday, but the day after I went to court, I made an appointment with Barclays in town (and the first person I see behind the counter is my son's friends mum - so glad she was not the person I opened the acc with!!) But the chap I saw was nice and we sorted out a basic cash card acc, and also a instant access savings account, which I have set up a dd for £50pm to go into) I have not declared this on my outgoings, as I figure I can cut some costs on my housekeeping and save it from there if necessary. I was disappointed that they didn't offer internet banking with the acc, as I like to keep a very close eye on it, but then on Monday he rang me to tell me that I could have it - which is only a small thing but it made me feel so much happier!

I'm feeling a bit more positive today - maybe it has something to do with only having 1.5 days left in work this year, I'm so looking forward to the New Year - not the evening, I will be sat here on my own with the little one snoring in bed no doubt - but looking forward to the New Year, new start, and by the end of the year I will be discharged!

JCS1

ANewEra wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your kind words of support. I'm glad that you can relate to what I say, it's true, it makes you realise that you are not the only one and if others before have got through all this then you can too.

Well, today I posted off the expenditure thing, (when I spoke to the OR on the phone, she said there was a guide to what is accpetable on the internet, but I couldn't find anything and I googled just about everything thing I could think of)

I find it strange that a 'holiday fund' is allowed, yet an 'emergeny fund' is not.

This is what I wrote down:
rent 750 income:
housekeeping 250
electricity dd 62
water dd 23
petrol 250 seems high, you might need to start keeping receipts to prove this
clothing 30 Increase, £50 is ok for one person, so for one person and child say £70
council tax 132
childcare fees 548
car insurance 38.05
tv licence 11.61 Round up to £12
contents ins 10
car breakdown 5
car tax 17
car repairs 30
hair cuts 13 £10 adult, £5 child
holiday fund 40 Increase to £60?
1/4 electric 40

---

total 2279.66
Prescription charges? Dental? Opticians? Dry Cleaning? Professional Fees? Allowed one activity per child too
income
net wage 1147 Fine to leave net wage and show childcare as above, don't worry about the childcare voucher scheme
child benefit 75.20 needs to be shown on form but won't be included as income for IPA
child tax credit 604.24
work tax credits 237.16
housing benefit 172.32
child maintanence 200

---

total 2435.32
Although, one thing that I did not say was, I pay the first £243 of childcare from my gross wages, so my net is now £990, then I pay the difference from my wages, so I still have the same childcare costs, but as I am saving paying tax on the first £243 pounds, I probably save about £40 as untaxable. Will the OR know this - will they say this is fraud? OMG, why didn't I just say this to start I would have less stress worrying even if I had less money.

And then when I get home tonight there is a bill from E-on not content with £62 Can you include this in your BR? dd for the electricity, there is another £48.75 they want from somewhere! Thank goodness I have a 1/4 electric fund, although whether this is allowed I have yet to find out.

Hope this helps, I'm sure I might have missed something so no doubt someone else will be along soon.

Edit: Just checked your origional figures, taking out child benefit, your surplus is £80, so with a few tweaks (just to make sure they don't reduce petrol etc, should be ok)

ANewEra

Why did I not ask some advice on here before I posted that stupid thing!

I do go through quite a lot of petrol, but then I do almost 50 miles a day in a car that does not do great mpg.
Can I really put down more for clothing? That would be a big help, as son seems to grow everyday, all his trousers seem to be too short now.
E-on say they are going to amend my DD to take into acc the extra. Bit peeved with them, as initially when I moved into this flat they set it at £24pm, then it shot to £62 now goodness knows......

How would I go about changing it now that it is in the post? Would it be acceptable to email the OR with amendments? Oh ****, so much for being little miss organised, I have just looked and realised that I also posted the front page back to her with all her contact details on....grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!