Depression Support Thread

whitevanwoman

Feeling a bit gloomy again - have just been effectively rubbished in another thread by a diehard devotee for trying to offer advice to someone. I don't understand why some people see the need to put other people down. I don't think I'll bother venturing onto other topics and threads anymore - I'm just going to stay here and keep hiding away from the real world. It's not a very nice place out there.

absolutebounder

whitevanwoman wrote: »

Feeling a bit gloomy again - have just been effectively rubbished in another thread by a diehard devotee for trying to offer advice to someone. I don't understand why some people see the need to put other people down. I don't think I'll bother venturing onto other topics and threads anymore - I'm just going to stay here and keep hiding away from the real world. It's not a very nice place out there.

They feel threatened by you.

whitevanwoman

Thanks for the reply. Being in a very negative frame of mind at the moment means that I find it difficult to see that anyone could feel threatened by me. I mean - I've not exactly made a success of my life and if I wasn't here, there wouldn't be much if anything to show for my life. I know I've made some almighty f*** ups in my life and also that circumstances have sometimes made me a victim and I just didn't want anyone else to go through the same things if they could be avoided.

A threat?! Lol. Now that has made me smile. If only they could see me now. Work some hypnomagic on me AB.

x

absolutebounder

Sssssss wrote: »

In part of his letter he said doesn't matter if there is an accident because of the way he handles the kids because we have insurance!

I have insurance but it doesnt mean I dont do all in my power to avoid a claim. I wonder what insurance he really has or whether it is the building that has the insurance. i would photocopy that part of his letter and copy it to all the parents.

absolutebounder

whitevanwoman wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. Being in a very negative frame of mind at the moment means that I find it difficult to see that anyone could feel threatened by me. I mean - I've not exactly made a success of my life and if I wasn't here, there wouldn't be much if anything to show for my life. I know I've made some almighty f*** ups in my life and also that circumstances have sometimes made me a victim and I just didn't want anyone else to go through the same things if they could be avoided.

A threat?! Lol. Now that has made me smile. If only they could see me now. Work some hypnomagic on me AB.

x

Anyone can be a threat to someone else especially if ego is involved. it may be that person has a weak ego but wants to be top dog and you just posted something that they wish they had thought of first or they may think it boosts their ego by putting you down. it doesnt matter who you are you always know something that someone else doesnt and so should not feel bad because someone gives you a hard time especially on a forum. the person who rubbished you could easily be the biggest !!!!!! of all time hiding behind a computer.
Now you know Im not allowed to work hypnomagic here :rotfl:

whitevanwoman

absolutebounder wrote: »

Anyone can be a threat to someone else especially if ego is involved. it may be that person has a weak ego but wants to be top dog and you just posted something that they wish they had thought of first or they may think it boosts their ego by putting you down. it doesnt matter who you are you always know something that someone else doesnt and so should not feel bad because someone gives you a hard time especially on a forum. the person who rubbished you could easily be the biggest !!!!!! of all time hiding behind a computer.
Now you know Im not allowed to work hypnomagic here :rotfl:

Thank you for that little gem. It's given me a mental picture (excuse the pun) which has made me smile (again! twice in one day!).

x

whitevanwoman

absolutebounder wrote: »

Anyone can be a threat to someone else especially if ego is involved. it may be that person has a weak ego but wants to be top dog and you just posted something that they wish they had thought of first or they may think it boosts their ego by putting you down. it doesnt matter who you are you always know something that someone else doesnt and so should not feel bad because someone gives you a hard time especially on a forum. the person who rubbished you could easily be the biggest !!!!!! of all time hiding behind a computer.
Now you know Im not allowed to work hypnomagic here :rotfl:

In all seriousness though, I think you said something quite important here - its making me think a bit about some relationships with other people which have (and still are) causing me problems, making me look at those people in a different way.

So next question : when that does happen to us, how do we stop ourselves from not feeling bad?

In my case, I withdraw - I sever all connections so that I don't find myself in the position whereby that person can do that to me again. As a result I know I am very isolated but I feel that I can only really be myself in isolation - when in the company of people, I try so hard to be what they want me to be (ie not depressed, not selfish, good company, fun to be with, a good listener etc ). As a result, I don't really know who I am any more - I've spent my life trying to be what other people want me to be and lost my own identity in the process. Actually, in fact, I don't think I lost my own identity, I don't think I ever developed it. In the words of the remarkable Stephen Fry, "one of my greatest faults is the insane desire to please people".

x

absolutebounder

whitevanwoman wrote: »

In all seriousness though, I think you said something quite important here - its making me think a bit about some relationships with other people which have (and still are) causing me problems, making me look at those people in a different way.

So next question : when that does happen to us, how do we stop ourselves from not feeling bad?

In my case, I withdraw - I sever all connections so that I don't find myself in the position whereby that person can do that to me again. As a result I know I am very isolated but I feel that I can only really be myself in isolation - when in the company of people, I try so hard to be what they want me to be (ie not depressed, not selfish, good company, fun to be with, a good listener etc ). As a result, I don't really know who I am any more - I've spent my life trying to be what other people want me to be and lost my own identity in the process. Actually, in fact, I don't think I lost my own identity, I don't think I ever developed it. In the words of the remarkable Stephen Fry, "one of my greatest faults is the insane desire to please people".

x

You had your identity alright. a baby is never born with low self esteem that comes later when you feel the pressure to be "cool". I have often written about how we put on a mask to be the person that we think others want us to be, however that is where it goes wrong. That mask demands the attention of others to vallidate it and when vallidation doesnt come we feel shot to pieces. (i have a large audio file on this that I could send you)
One of the best things you can do to these people that put you down is to refuse to accept their view or become non responsive. Practice waiting 6 seconds before you answer someone and see the effect it has on them. Those with a weak story of life absolutely hate it as you will soon assume the more powerful stance in the conversation.
In short dont try to be what others want. Instead be yourself and I guarantee you will find a nicer person

LadyMorticia

I'm baaaaaaaaaack!
Did you miss me? Really? Did you really? Really? Lol!

Best four days ever!
Sam's family are so lovely and his cats adore me.
We watched films and went on photography expeditions. I have fallen in love with Somerset!
I am now missing Sam and his family like crazy but I'm still on a high.
I'll give a detailed description of my New Year soon. Haven't long been home and I'm tired.lol.

xx

whitevanwoman

absolutebounder wrote: »

You had your identity alright. a baby is never born with low self esteem that comes later when you feel the pressure to be "cool". I have often written about how we put on a mask to be the person that we think others want us to be, however that is where it goes wrong. That mask demands the attention of others to vallidate it and when vallidation doesnt come we feel shot to pieces. (i have a large audio file on this that I could send you)
One of the best things you can do to these people that put you down is to refuse to accept their view or become non responsive. Practice waiting 6 seconds before you answer someone and see the effect it has on them. Those with a weak story of life absolutely hate it as you will soon assume the more powerful stance in the conversation.
In short dont try to be what others want. Instead be yourself and I guarantee you will find a nicer person

What you say about a mask is spot on - I absolutely identify with that, in believing that I wear a mask constantly. My depressions occur when I run out of energy to keep that mask in place, either due to prolonged stress and anxiety or an emotional shock of some sort. I can't face the world without my mask in place, in case people see the badness, and anger, and frustration, and selfishness and jealousy etc etc etc inside me. By isolating myself, I know that I'm safe, and that by allowing myself some time to recharge my batteries, I will eventually be strong enough again to put the mask on and face the world again.

I would be grateful if you could send me the mask audio doc - I'll PM you my email address. Thanks. x