I fell off the wagon

justruth

I really respect that you are paying your friend off first. One of my issues has been lending to friends who have then failed to repay, and I unlike a bank can't really afford to have that money owed to me so for you to be prioritising the friend in that way make me think you're a good person and a good friend.

I understand the going out issue, I was fortunate in having my exam meant I had a ready made and perfectly acceptable excuse to avoid expensive social occassions. I also really do get the whole not wanting people to know, hence the anonymity of the internet being so useful in getting things straight, asking for help and venting about financial issues.

From what you say your first big bit of mesurable progress will be in about 3 months, I better get cracking sharpish then lol. Actually need to update amount following student loan etc. Then the challenge will be to see how low I can keep it.

psychopathbabble

I'm not going to get competitive as it won't help! So you can guarantee you are ahead of me....

I'll be £50 a month 'better off' (I have owed him since Feb 2008!) but it'll be a big weight off my mind. I've also told him when he comes back to the UK I just can't afford to do some of the things we usually do and he seems to have finally understood what situation I am in. I considered leaving it and paying back at a later date, but just felt too guilty. So I guess my first 'small' target should be getting that last £150 paid, and my barclaycard at the same time... 3months time. Should be do-able. I know what you mean about the friends issue though, even if it's only £20 or whatever, it's still a pain!

My next step is to not feel guilty when I can't afford to do things for peoples birthdays... I have just had to book a hotel for my friends 30th next month, now the weekend after it's a hen night and someone elses birthday. Trouble is, I just feel terrible for not making an effort.

I'm letting it slide again, but I know in 6 months time I'm going to go through a really stressful time worrying about it all again. I've only just managed to start recovering from the last stress-out I had and that was 2 or 3 months ago.

Hmmmm... sorry again for going on.... maybe I should start my own diary and bore everyone else too!!

justruth

This diary is more of a co-operative in my mind, just a few of us supporting each other, it just so happened that I wrote the first post.

I find when it comes to things like the whole friends issue, I basically lie, or tell truths that help me out without giving away too much. This excludes my really good friends who are aware of my situation, and when I say I cant really afford to do something won't try to push me. I am lucky in that I work most weekends and now have a girlfriend who is great so I avoid expensive trips out, and as a group we tend to socialise by having dinner parties etc.

My favorite white lie at the moment is that I am paying to get all my cracked teeth fixed. I am actually doing that but the reason I can't afford to go out is a lot more to do with the debt rather than that. After that I have things I want to buy for my flat. etc. It gives the illusion of being financially responsible, rather than playing catch up.

Other people don't need to know the in's and out's of my financial situation. For a friends birthday we will meet up and I will get her a present that I either make myself or is thoughtful rather than expensive, she won't expect me to go along with everyone as she is aware that I am getting all my teeth properly done once and for all so I don't have any more dental emergencies! There's no guilt when you make an effort, you just have to remember that it doesn't have to be an expensive effort.

Why are you going to have a stressful time in 6 months? Is there something happening that is going to make life difficult, or is it just a feeling?

psychopathbabble

I bury my head in the sand, do whatever I want, when I want moreorless. Then have a big panicky moment about my debts and how they are never going to go away. This happens approximately twice a year. This time it just hit me really hard and I just found myself lower than ever before, for a lot longer.

I was doing well and would have paid off one of my cards, but my brother got in contact with me after 20 years of no contact (I was 4 and he fell out with our mum) so I have booked flights to go and see him, which is obviously setting me back. I just don't seem to have a control switch to resist things I don't actually need.

I have told my good friends about my situation, if not all of it, but one of them is terrible with money although she has been through it before, and I have had to tell her to stop laughing at me when I'm being all MSE because if she has been through it she knows what I'm going through. I guess maybe I shouldn't consider her such a good friend actually after writing that.

I do shift work so avoid the saturday night temptations and I don't have much interest in just getting completely wasted, I'm just embarking on a new relationship and am hoping to encourage more nights in than nights out and at some point I will tell him about my situation, just not yet. Unfortunately my wages change on a monthly basis depending on what I have worked, so I can't budget properly until 2 days before payday. I am starting a new study course soon so I should concentrate some of my energy and free time on that.

I don't really have much I could use to use as a money excuse... although I'm sure I could think of something if i try hard enough. I have to think long-term, about all the things I want to do and could do if I am just sensible for now. I just can't see past the short-term glory. I can see that I do all this and yet I can't quite make the adjustments to change this. For the month or so before Christmas, I was doing really well but have just completely lost it. I'm just looking at my budget for February and trying to work it out so it's doable.

Ok, thats good... I feel a tad better now!

justruth

Oh and I think we'll find I am currently winning the race. I anticipate my lead lasting about a week as I have building regs to pay for (for things they told me I have to do!) and my door license is up for renewal at around £250 each. It's beginning to snow outside so I can potentially see me being cancelled at work (although they may deam it more important to have a medic due to increased risk) which not so good for money but be really nice to have a break! On the plus side if I do go in I get paid, I brought dsishwasher salt to grit so I won't be as busy, it's a quiet month in clubland and I can get some study done for uni! Win - win for me!

Going to have a quick bath (no shower as yet) and tidy up as gf might be coming round later. Life is pretty awesome at the minute!

justruth

Officially managed a NSD today! Would have yesterday but had to get petrol. Still not great on the NSD front as shoudl really have managed a few more before today, but let's not get too worried about that just now and enjoy the fact that I got one!

The main electricity gets switched over tomorrow so going to be spending most of the day with no electric. On the positive side it means I won't be paying out on electric meter lol, however may struggle with the lack of tea brewing facilities. Hmm note to self find flask and fill before the power goes off.

So 2 NSD's down, minimum 3 more to go. Think I can manage that!

psychopathbabble

Congrats on the NSDs! and winning the race for the time being!

justruth

there seemed very little point in putting myself as winning when I am aware that it is going to be a very short lived lead on this occassion. Dentist tomorrow!

justruth

Well dentist was fun, but I'm feeling good about it. Just as he was about to give me the injection to take and impression for my new crown, he asked if I ever planned on getting my teeth whitened as it wouldn't really work after. Now this is something that I had planned on doing some time in the future. I've wanted costmetic dentistry since I first broke my teeth when I was 13, I'm now 28! So instead I am having trays made and teeth whitened first. It is an additional £500 on top of what I had originally been quoted for the standard restorative work, but if I don't get it done now I never will. Spoke to my mum about it and she immediately offered to help towards this extra as my birthday present so it's not all bad. Can't help but feel I'm pushing myself back MSEwise, but for nice new teeth I think I can go a couple of months on really short rations again!

I was contacted by my ex sister in law again the other day asking if I could help her out again, I wanted to but I really cannot afford it (and that was before the extra £500 on my dental bill) and I explained that and directed her to this very thread! She has promised to repay me the money she already owes, she didn't realise I was struggling too.

Been a spend day but thinking I might get away with a NSD tomorrow.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

justruth wrote: »

Well dentist was fun, but I'm feeling good about it. Just as he was about to give me the injection to take and impression for my new crown, he asked if I ever planned on getting my teeth whitened as it wouldn't really work after. Now this is something that I had planned on doing some time in the future. I've wanted costmetic dentistry since I first broke my teeth when I was 13, I'm now 28! So instead I am having trays made and teeth whitened first. It is an additional £500 on top of what I had originally been quoted for the standard restorative work, but if I don't get it done now I never will. Spoke to my mum about it and she immediately offered to help towards this extra as my birthday present so it's not all bad. Can't help but feel I'm pushing myself back MSEwise, but for nice new teeth I think I can go a couple of months on really short rations again!

I was contacted by my ex sister in law again the other day asking if I could help her out again, I wanted to but I really cannot afford it (and that was before the extra £500 on my dental bill) and I explained that and directed her to this very thread! She has promised to repay me the money she already owes, she didn't realise I was struggling too.

Been a spend day but thinking I might get away with a NSD tomorrow.

hi Justruth

Just come accross your diary. Well done on what you have paid off since your first post. Re your dental work, I say good for you. Ive broken my front teeth before from falling, and I had to wait 6 months for the gum to heal before I could have the proper false teeth glued in. I wore a denture in the meantime. My new teeth are lovely and so that was silver lining for losing my original teeth due to falling in the first place!! Take care