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silvercar

Mely wrote: »

I wish there was another way to find out if someone is living with her, apart from the electoral roll. Perhaps get a neighbour of hers to verify it? But i expect that would be difficult and may cause problems.

Private detective?

You would only need to drive past and see his car parked there a few times.

Once you know he is living there it becomes easier. You just inform her that spousal maintenance is stopping. If she threatens court, you just say that his employer will be asked to testify and that you will get a warrent for him to show his credit card address. Those are good evidence and people usually update these records.

You could also inform the local council that you suspect someone might be wrongfully claiming single person council tax discount and let them pursue it.

loulou_lemon

Blacksheep – just to clarify, you are disgruntled that your husband's ex wifewho suffers from a debilitating illness, is rebuilding her life and consequently may be finding herself in a better financial position than you or your husband may wish for her.

Presumably, their financial settlement was agreed between both parties and was deemed fair and equitable at that time and you knew what you were taking on when you married him and had his child.

Unless it was in the agreement that the arrangement was only in place until the ex wife re-married or her financial situation changed you will have to accept it. The older children's loyalty speaks volumes – we only have only your biased view of the situation.

cheepskate_2

blacksheep101 wrote: »

We both work and have my school age son at home, and are struggling somewhat. ?

Got to agree withy loulou, and it does seem from your other posts about your isa's new big telly and holidays that money does not seem to be such a big issue as you are making out.

silvercar

Spousal maintenance generally stops if the ex starts to co-habit with a new partner.

blacksheep101

loulou_lemon wrote: »

Blacksheep – just to clarify, you are disgruntled that your husband's ex wifewho suffers from a debilitating illness, is rebuilding her life and consequently may be finding herself in a better financial position than you or your husband may wish for her.

Presumably, their financial settlement was agreed between both parties and was deemed fair and equitable at that time and you knew what you were taking on when you married him and had his child.

Unless it was in the agreement that the arrangement was only in place until the ex wife re-married or her financial situation changed you will have to accept it. The older children's loyalty speaks volumes – we only have only your biased view of the situation.

Hang on - I don't begrudge her having a new life or the fact that he pays her maintenance but as you say, the financial settlement was agreed at the time of their divorce but only applied until she cohabited or remarried, and I do resent her continuing to take money from us if she is concealing a cohabitee.

Their "children" are in their late twenties with families of their own and obviously are loyal to both their parents - I know they wouldn't be disloyal to their father either with whom they have a very good relationship; incidentally the child who lives with us is my own - his stepson.

blacksheep101

[quote=floss2;16568437]Financial settlements & maintenance arrangements such as this can depend upon the circumstances & employability of the person involved. If she has RA, then she very likely cannot work, so that would be taken into account when the finances are agreed.

Has your husband heard anything about a new partner? Would he ask her, and would she tell him if he did ask? Perhaps your husband could ask for a review?[/quote]

Thank you, yes, we are thinking about doing this.

blacksheep101

cheepskate wrote: »

Got to agree withy loulou, and it does seem from your other posts about your isa's new big telly and holidays that money does not seem to be such a big issue as you are making out.

Wow, are you a detective? I might be able to use you! Just joking...

Seriously though, as I said we both work and what we choose or don't choose to spend money on is not the issue and is irrelevant here.

Emmzi

blacksheep101 wrote: »

I basically feel that my husband walked out of that marriage with just a suitcase leaving her everything else he had worked for all his life, and still has to pay her a large sum of money for support every month.

That's what you feel - what does your husband feel?

As hard as it is, and as much as it affects you, essentially it is between them. If he does not want to sort it out, there is nothing you can do?

blacksheep101

[quote=Emmzi;16588901]That's what you feel - what does your husband feel?

As hard as it is, and as much as it affects you, essentially it is between them. If he does not want to sort it out, there is nothing you can do?[/quote]

Yes indeed - it all has nothing to do with me really apart from affecting our joint finances. I guess I just have to grin and bear it - if she does remarry we will of course get to hear about that and then obviously she has a new partner who can provide for her so all well and good. Fingers crossed!

pinkshoes

Why is everyone being mean and judgemental??

The OP wants to know if her husband can stop paying his ex wife IF she now has someone else living with her. That's a fair enough question, as why should he now have to miss out on that money when she now has someone else to provide for her. She can't have it both ways, and she's already got mortgage free accomodation, which is more than most people get!

Blacksheep, I would check the electoral roles, and perhaps do a few drive bys to see if there's signs of someone else living there!