MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Insult by paying or let them struggle?

LittleMissAspie

I wouldn't go out to dinner with a bunch of strangers in a foreign country to begin with.

But if I did, I'd let them pay. I'd offer but if they insisted then fine. They chose to go somewhere expensive and order a ton of dishes, if they would really struggle to pay the bill then they should have gone somewhere they can afford.

Paddington

PrinceGaz wrote: »

Far from whether I'd pay the restaurant bill, my main worry would be what was in the parcel, and why your friend had asked you to transport it there in the first place. Before accepting it, I'd require that it is opened by them and that I am allowed to inspect it, before I agree to take it with me.

Anyone carrying any sort of package on a flight, no matter how much you trust the person who gave it to you, must always have seen the contents and be satisfied that it is okay to be taken onto the plane.

My first thought too. I hope no-one on this board would carry an unidentified package internationally for someone else.

As for the moral dilemma I'd keep insisting on paying for the meal up until the point where it gets embarrassing. Then I'd buy them something that they needed as a gift instead. I don't like being in debt to anyone and would rather balance things out.

Paddington

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

I wouldn't go out to dinner with a bunch of strangers in a foreign country to begin with.

It's a good way to get an insight into another culture though.

PrinceGaz

Okay, my first reply (taking an unknown parcel onto a plane, that is utter madness) has been satisfactorily responded to, but I still feel it is a much more important point than the question directly addressed here (as it could land you in jail, and in some countries, facing the death penalty, and as the adverts show, the British Consulate can't wave a magic wand to get you a 'Get out of jail free' card even if you are a British citizen).

Assuming I have been allowed to thoroughly inspect the parcel very carefully (including unpacking everything in it until I am down to inherently unopenable items like digital cameras- see below*), I would accept the meal and allow them to pay for it, but upon return to my home country send an amount by Western Union (or other good currency transfer services) to them for the amount they had over-spent on me. I would then let them know I did not want to embarass them by declining their evening in a restaurant or paying the bill, but that I have a personal code of conduct which requires that I must return the money you quite clearly specifically spent because I was there.

* if carrying items in the parcel I couldn't be sure whether they contain unlawful substances, I would declare that explicitly at customs as well as explaining exactly how I came to be carrying the parcel

Hayesaver

If he wanted to pay then I would not insult him by trying to myself. Anyways, Ive earnt this sumptuious meal by taking a dodgy package through customs! I think its the least they could do!!

Tojo_Ralph

MSE_Wendy wrote: »

P.S. There's nothing dodgy in the parcel.

No doubt because the person who dreamed up this absurd MMD has necked it all.

david89999

If I told someone to call me a big nosed toffee faced swine and they did exactly that, I could hardly say they have insulted me.
Therefore how can it be an insult if the host is insisting on paying for the meal.
Let him pay but minimise the bill buy not taking the p by drinking too much.
Besides he'll make a profit on the kilo of cocaine you just delivered, and this will be your last meal before spending the rest of your life playing mummy for some big bloke in jail.

englishmac

At no point does the hypothetical situation suggest you have not seen the contents of the parcel. Even if it is someone you trust you should always be party to the packing of any item(s) you are carrying so that you can answer questions honestly and with confidence at check in. A good friend would also accept that as part of your agreement to deliver the item(s).

Yes, I would allow them to pay. Although it is expensive for them, they would not have taken you to that restaurant or ordered the food if they were not able to pay at the end of the meal. The foreign culture issue is a little bit of a red herring - although it is a more serious issue in some cultures, most of us have probably done our best to provide hospitality, incurring the accompanying cost at some point; I know I would be mortified if I had taken someone to a special place and they intended to pay. I would definitely reciprocate the hospitality in some way, as a matter of courtesy.

grooley2

They obviously would be insulted if I insisted on paying; I would let them pay.

But repay the gesture by inviting them to a 'leaving' lunch or buying gifts for them being so hospitable...etc.

worbikeman

Given that the parcel is not in any way dodgy (for the purposes of this conundrum), I would allow the father to pay the food bill in the restaurant but insist that I pay for the drinks with the meal. I would then proceed to be generous in ordering for everyone the more expensive of the wines, saying that this was the custom in my country. I doubt there would be any complaints about it!