Son taking drugs - How would I know?

chocomonsta

skintas wrote: »

does he get really moody, bad skin, get hunger pangs, what about his friends he hangs around with what are they like, maybe he spent the money on drink or a girlfriend.. or he deposit for something or xmas pressies

at least hes working, my brother had a serious drug problem at this age, we where worried as he was doin this money and he had no job, .. dont think the worst.

No, he does not get really moody, he usually likes to chat to me when he comes in from work for a while and then he will have his tea. He goes through stages of having not great skin, but hten he is a teenager and it is not terrible skin. His girlfriend is lovely and decent, his friends are waste of space types, but most of them have jobs. I know one of them supposedly has a cocaine habit, but how would I know if he was taking cocaine?? Other than the huge amounts of money going out of his account.

markelock

ask him?

or take a few hairs and get them tested.

lisaloo1977

Have you thought about fruit machines in the pub? I know it seems silly but my younger brother went through a terrible stage and was easily putting that sort of money in on a night.
I think they can be up to a pound a spin now so it would easily go!!

Just a thought.

chocomonsta

milliebear00001 wrote: »

Sorry to have to ask, but why on earth were you looking at his bank statement!?

He left it out, so I looked at it..he said he is going to go paperless now

It's possible he's just like every other 18 year old I know and has a money 'evaporation' problem. Nights out, taxis, lunch out all week etc etc really does add up. His lifestyle isn't like yours (would you want it to be?) but that doesn't mean he has a problem with hard drugs! It may be that he's spending money on recreational drugs other than cannabis, but he's hardly likely to tell you so. Many 18 year olds experiment, and many don't. Unless he's addicted to a 'hard' drug, you are unlikely to see any obvious symptoms.

He's presumably paying you what you see as a fair rent, and if you're happy for him to carry on living at home, what he does with his money after that is, presumably, up to him?

Yes, he pays me a fair rent, but it does not stop me worrying about him! I have told him that I am worried and he thanked me for my concerned nagging, but said he was ok!

globalds

chocomonsta wrote: »

but how would I know if he was taking cocaine?? Other than the huge amounts of money going out of his account.

You probably wouldn't if it was recreational.And if he is holding down a job and you haven't found your TV set has been sold then he probably isn't an addict.
It sounds more like he just hasn't got a firm hold of his finances and has got used to dipping his hand in his pockets whenever he wants.
Maybe it's time he joined MSE.
at about his age I was no good with money and often ran up big credit card debts.I was lucky I had the kind of job where I could pay them off in 3 or 4 months of solid work but it is much easier to spend it than earn it.
Tell him to start saving for a house ...He may get a real bargain with the economic gloom.

chocomonsta

JoJoB wrote: »

Constant runny nose and sniffing would be a good indicator of a coke habit - which can eat into the money easily.

But I can spend 2-300 quid very easily very quickly and find it difficult to put my finger on where it's all gone, and like others say it is madly expensive just having an average night down the pub these days. You don't need to be doing drugs to get through cash that quick these days, just young and careless.

If he binges down the pub there might be a fair chance he's doing the fruit machines though - £50 can disappear into those in minutes.

No, no runny nose or sniffing. I have never seen him on a fruit machine so I don' think that is it either.

Perhaps, (and I hope) I have got it all wrong and like everyone is saying it justs costs a lot to go out these days.

I sincerely appreciate all your replies

Thank you

RAMBLER

i would have a look at the gambling angle, have a look on gamblersannonymous.co.uk

Amy83

I'd try not to worry too much, obviously easier said than done. He's probably just frittering it away - I used to be an expert in that, earning £250pw, having no bills or rent to pay but still managed to be skint by the middle of the week. Does he drive? I used to easily spend £5-10 on junk that I didn't need from the petrol station whenever I put fuel in. Just little things like that, they soon add up but you've got no idea where it's gone!

Oh, and the hair testing suggestion - that's about the quickest way to fall out with and alienate your son.

Stephb1986_2

I'm 22 and sometimes go wild and spend money on computer games, cds and chocolate (i dont drink) I dont smoke either but i can easily go to the shop and spend £5 a time. If it's his money he's spending then why should you have a problem with it, fair enough if he was lending money off you all the time but he's not. He might be lending money to friends but doesn't really want you to know that! My OH lends money to his mates all the time and doesn't tell me (we have separate accounts) its his money its his choice if he want's to be foolish with it.

TBH I'd be really cheesed off if my mum looked at my bank statements what if i had bought something online like i vibrator or such like things. I leave all my letters hanging around all the time my mum doesn't go and read them though, if i wanted her to know something i would just tell her, And then for her to accuse me of taking drugs that would just send me over the edge!

I'm sorry and I know your just concerned about him but its non of your business what he spends his own money on aslong as you get yours every month.

Steph xx

foreversomeday

I do think it sounds like he's just frittering. I lost a few friends to drugs (as in stopped talking to them, they are still fine thankfully) and there was an obvious change in them, if someone close to you starts taking drugs seriously you will notice a change in their behaviour that you won't be able to explain.

I'm not saying it's unlikely he wouldn't try something as a lot of teens do experiment but I really don't think you should be worried, he sounds fine.

Does this help:

Average 18 year old lad's weekly budget:
Lunch £6 per day (£30)
Bus pass £11 per week
Weekend:
Taxi for night out + back £10
Drinks/snacks in pub £25
Fruit machine £20
Club entry £7
Drinks in club £30
Kebab on way home £5
Night out during week:
Taxi home £5
Drinks £40
Recreational weed (Not sure... £10? £20?)
Cigarettes for week £20
PS3/Xbox game/new clothes/trainers £40
Morning coffee £2.50 per day (£12.50)

... Total about £275

My OH used to spend like this and he was 23 when I met him! In fact he would spend more on drinks because he likes to drink double vodka + mixer rather than pints.