Is it too late?

skintchick

YOu need to separate the two issues.

first think about your partner and if you want to be with him or not.

The baby issue is something else - I know a woman who had a child in her early 40s, naturally, so it is possible, but as you say you do need to find a man first!

That is also possible - I got together with my husband two years ago, married him five months ago (today!), and we have already had one pregnancy which sadly miscarried, and I am pregnant again now. So it can be done on a short timescale!

But your first issue to sort out is your relationship. If you werne;t broody would you be happy with him? Is this a seven-year itch?

I always say communication is key - talk toy our partner about what is making you unhappy and maybe you can resolve it together.

And remember - you should be with the one you cannot live without, so if you can imagine not being with him and that doesn;t mkae you hyperventilate with fear, then maybe it is over.

galvanizersbaby

skintchick wrote: »

YOu need to separate the two issues.

first think about your partner and if you want to be with him or not.

The baby issue is something else - I know a woman who had a child in her early 40s, naturally, so it is possible, but as you say you do need to find a man first!

That is also possible - I got together with my husband two years ago, married him five months ago (today!), and we have already had one pregnancy which sadly miscarried, and I am pregnant again now. So it can be done on a short timescale!

But your first issue to sort out is your relationship. If you werne;t broody would you be happy with him? Is this a seven-year itch?

I always say communication is key - talk toy our partner about what is making you unhappy and maybe you can resolve it together.

And remember - you should be with the one you cannot live without, so if you can imagine not being with him and that doesn;t mkae you hyperventilate with fear, then maybe it is over.

This is exactly what I wanted to say - I too think there are 2 separate issues OP though I realise that time isn't on your side with the children issue.
I would wholeheartedly agree with Skintchick's statement above - I think this is good advice x

Errata

Pragmatically - if you left your OH now it would take perhaps a couple of years to find someone who wanted to have a baby with you (and vice versa), you would then have to set up home together - another year - then perhaps it would take a couple of years for you to become pregnant. That takes you up to around the age of 46 before you gave birth.
Have you thought what your life would be like at 46 with a new baby, remembering all the babies your friends currently have will be school children.
The other thing that needs to be factored in is your debt which to give a baby the best start in life you would have made sure you'd paid off before becoming pregnant and would also have saved money to fund the expense of a new born baby.

skintchick

Errata wrote: »

Pragmatically - if you left your OH now it would take perhaps a couple of years to find someone who wanted to have a baby with you (and vice versa), you would then have to set up home together - another year - then perhaps it would take a couple of years for you to become pregnant. That takes you up to around the age of 46 before you gave birth.
Have you thought what your life would be like at 46 with a new baby, remembering all the babies your friends currently have will be school children.
The other thing that needs to be factored in is your debt which to give a baby the best start in life you would have made sure you'd paid off before becoming pregnant and would also have saved money to fund the expense of a new born baby.

Oh come on! I got together with my OH in November 2006, he proposed in March 2007, we wed in June 2008 and we will have a baby in July 2009! That's only two and a half years from start to finish.

Babies also don;t have to be expensive - they need food (which comes free in the breast), a place to sleep which you can get cheaply, and nappies which if you use cloth ones won;t be too expensive.

But I think the OP's first step should be to talk to her OH and decide what she wants in terms of the relationship.

Nicki

Relationships go through many phases. Whilst its true to say that when you first date someone, and in the early months of marriage, you feel you couldn't breathe without them, that doesn't usually last to year 7! I've been with my husband for 21 years, and am still very much in love with him, but in that 21 year period we have certainly both had periods where we've been a bit bored, or frustrated with the behaviour of the other. Like you though, the affection for each other has always been there, so each stage like this has been weathered, and looking back on the 21 years I can say that the vast majority of the time has been very happy.

Would it be possible to spend a bit of time on the relationship you're in to see whether it really is over or just going through a dip? Maybe have some in depth discussions with your partner about how he feels about things?

As for age and childbirth, it does get more difficult as you get older. Your fertility falls off rapidly from about the age of 35, and whilst it is still possible to conceive after this point, it may take longer or not happen at all. It is possible as someone said to have an ovarian reserve test to give an estimate of how much longer you've got. It isn't hideously expensive though. I had one done last month which cost £155 privately. It's a series of blood tests done on day 2 of your period. I'm not sure whether your GP would do one for you free of charge but its worth asking the question.

UKTigerlily

My thoughts for what it's worth! Do you want your relationship to work? If so could Relate or marriage/relationship counselling help? If not, i'd say end it. Can you imagine not being with him? Does that hurt? As for the baby thing, once you know whether you want to remain in the relationship would that help? If you do, then go for the baby if you both want that! If not, or if he doesn't want a baby, could you try AI? My Stepdad's Sis had a healthy 8Ibs something baby girl @ 45 so it's possible! I wish you luck, follow your heart, you need to try asap if you really want a baby & also to decide about the relationship x

galvanizersbaby

skintchick wrote: »

Oh come on! I got together with my OH in November 2006, he proposed in March 2007, we wed in June 2008 and we will have a baby in July 2009! That's only two and a half years from start to finish.

Babies also don;t have to be expensive - they need food (which comes free in the breast), a place to sleep which you can get cheaply, and nappies which if you use cloth ones won;t be too expensive.

But I think the OP's first step should be to talk to her OH and decide what she wants in terms of the relationship.

I agree on this too only realistically the op may take longer to actually get pg at past the age of 40 maybe

On the cost/debt front it may be worth pointing out that although breastmilk is free this is not always the way things work out unfortunately - however I think the main cost of having a child is the going back to work and childcare cost or the not going back to work and loss of wage bit but I'm not sure this is even relevant here as the OP should be considering her relationship first in my opinion.

As for being a lone parent through choice or AI, I feel this is opening up all sorts of other issues - I'll probably get flamed for this but I feel that every child has the right to have both a mother and a father in their life - I appreciate others will feel differently.

mrcow

OP - you seriously need to tell him how you feel........about everything.

If your relationship needs work, then it needs to come from both sides.
If you want children then it has to be a joint decision.
If he doesn't want children then you need to leave him if it's not a compromise you're willing to make.

As far as leaving it too late......no one can tell you that as it's a medical matter that will apply to you as an individual. Lots of women have healthy pregnancies and children well into their 40s.

The question is not whether you've left it too late.......but rather are you prepared to spend the rest of your life regretting all the stuff you never did, the decent relationship that you never had and the children that you didn't have?

Persoanlly it's not a compromise I'd ever be willing to make.

Glen0000

Have you thought about why it has taken you to be almost 40 to think about having kids? Why did you not discuss this 7 years ago? You were in your 30's then, not a teenager so I would imagine for most couples in their late 20's, 30;s kids would be high on the agenda,

Personally I would not want to start all that at 40, despite it being all the rage, as I am sure it is not an easy road.

Medically it may be possible, but if my wife told me she was pregnant at 40 I would be distraught, as would she.

Are you sure you are not just a little bored with life and need something new to do? Have you ever tried looking after an 18 month old for a few days to give you a taste of reality?

Errata

Another factor to be taken into account is that male fertility decreases with age, and that coupled with a 50% reduction in fertility for women at 40 means the chance of becoming pregant is not good. Many women of that age do become pregnant, and many of those have miscarriages/problems during pregnancy/difficult birth/Downs syndrome baby.