ripped off by a friend

chickpea

I don't know why I'm so emotional about this, but I can't help it. Bit of a quandary really..

Basically, my friend was really pleased when I told her back in June I was pregnant, especially because it took 3 years. She's a bit older (not a lot though) and her kids are almost school age. So she offered me some baby stuff - 'you can have it' - great, I though. At the time, I knew nothing about baby stuff, what I'd need or anything, but knew it'd all add up to a lot, so worth saving where I can.

Later she told me about the stuff she'd give me: a pram, glider chair, changing table, carrier and other bits and bobs. 'Wow, I said, that sounds like a lot - you must let me give you something for it'. 'OK she said, we'll sort something out'.

So this weekend, they came round and brought a load of stuff, then stayed for takeout. They dumped it in the kitchen, and because we were busy talking etc, I didn't study the stuff too closely. I asked her how much she wants for the stuff - £100. My face probably betrayed the fact that I thought this was a lot. But I wrote a cheque because I hate owing anyone anything. Then we get talking. 'I've decided to keep the glider chair'. OK. 'And the car seat base and the changing unit.'

So really, in essence, I've paid £100 for a second-hand pram - and it's awful! It's filthy, for one thing, so I've spent all morning scrubbing it outside. The dust and dirt and spiders webs are one thing, but it's got stains and other stuff on that I can't get off.

Even once I've cleaned it up as best I can, I really don't want it for my baby, and I doubt I could sell it for more than about £30 at best. The best thing I can do is probably give it away to a charity or something.

Now, I've been friends with this lady for 10 years now, our husbands have known each other longer. I like her a lot, she's good fun and although she's moved out of town now, we still see them a lot.

I really don't want to fall out with her (or anyone for that matter).

So what do I do? Explain that in retrospect I think £100 is actually a bit much for a pile of second hand stuff (there were some little baby toys there too - those cleaned up mostly OK, and some dirty bibs (that are going in the bin) - but these are the sort of things I'd just give to a friend, not charge them for).

Either way - I think I'm going to have to just bite the bullet and buy a new pram, and then I'll somehow have to explain why I'm not using the one she gave me.

She probably doesn't think she did charge a lot - if she bought the stuff new, it maybe cost her a lot, so she thinks £100 is a bargain.She probably doesn't realise that stuff like this doesn't actually fetch much second-hand. And I was too trusting/stupid to really examine what I was getting etc beforehand - I never expected to feel ripped off by a friend, and I can't see to clean the stuff through my tears.

Am I just being stupid? Should I just shut up, chalk it up to experience and get over it? I don't want to endanger a friendship over £100, but I feel really upset at the same time.

mr218

she is obviously taking the !!!!. tell her you dont want this stuff as you feel that you want a different pram design and will buy something new. return the stuff to her and tell her that you are cancelling the cheque. if she does not agree, it is obvious she is doing it to fleece you. if she says no problem, then there you are

whatever you do dont accept this 'gift' if it is as substandard as you say it is.

good luck

Hippychick

If you only gave her the cheque this weekend, I would hot foot it to your bank and cancel it immediately. It does seem like she has taken the mick. I would then explain to her that you're sorry but in retrospect you can't afford to pay that much for a second hand pram and offer it back to her.

If she is a true friend she will understand if you can't afford the £100.00

angelfairy

oh i really feel for you. that is a horrible position you have been put in. i wouldn't know what to do either as like you i wouldn't want to upset anyone.

on a happy note ... congratulations on your pregnancy !!!!

OrangeProse

I'm afraid it sounds like she's done you good and proper.

What I think is particularly naughty is the retroactive deal-mangling. She can't announce that she's keeping more than half the items after you've agreed on a price - that's outrageous! Particularly when initially she'd offered it to you for nothing.

You wouldn't go into a Gordon Ramsay restaurant, order the £79 per head (or whatever it is) Tasting Menu, only for Gordon to come out and say "oh by the way, I won't be serving any meat, fish or vegetables, so all you'll be getting is a couple of potatoes and some jus. Still £79 though!"

Having said that, I think you might have to swallow this one and chalk it up to experience, like you say. Your friend might not have realised that she's been naughty here, and she might get defensive if she's pushed.

What does your other half think?

**EDIT**
Actually I've just read this again and I think I'm being a bit wet. It might be worth fronting up and telling her, gently, that you think £100 is a bit unfair bearing in mind that other items were initially included in that agreed price. Try a compromise? If she won't budge then you've got bigger problems, admittedly.

lowis

if she is a true friend then you can be honest with her, just be staright and say that you gave her £100 for all of the goods she mentioned, not for a dirty pram....tell her that you are going to cancel the cheque today and that she can have the pram back as it isn't what you expected.

skintchick

And try asking on Freecycle for items - I got a gorgeous Mothercare baby changing unit in beech wood today for nothing.

clairehi

I would go round to her house, take all the stuff back and say you have changed your mind, can you have your £100 back.

If pushed tell her you have been given a brand new pram as a surprise gift.

galvanizersbaby

Oh no! :eek: what an awful situation.

I agree that you should cancel the cheque and then call her to explain that having taken a closer look at the pram it's really not the sort you would have chosen and you can't afford to pay out and then have to buy another so you will be returning the items to her but thank her very much anyway!

I know I would hate having to do this but tbh she's put you in a rather embarrassing situation hasn't she

Good luck

foreign_correspondent

clairehi wrote: »

I would go round to her house, take all the stuff back and say you have changed your mind, can you have your £100 back.

If pushed tell her you have been given a brand new pram as a surprise gift.

Yep, I was going to suggest that you do this to avoid a fall-out - a diplomatic approach to save a friendship - I would probably tell her your mum or someone has just told you they have bought you some new baby stuff (pram etc) and perhaps she would be good enough to give you your money back so she can have her stuff back and maybe she could sell hers in the free ads.

Good luck

KittKatt

Hi chickpea, this is an awful situation! I must agree with galvanizersbaby and the others who advised you to stop the cheque - she will then be forced to approach you to find out why the cheque did not clear instead of you having to confront her (slight psychological advantage for you!) which will then give you the opportunity to thank her for her "assistance" and "generosity" and return the pram to her.

Also, skintchick is 100% correct - I'm almost seven months pregnant with my first baby (after having tried for six years) and I've managed to collect some wonderful things from Freecycle (which I will again pass on after baby's outgrown them!).

Don't let this get you down - this is a time when you should be enjoying the "bump expansion" and there are lots of people who will help you and baby without wanting anything in return.

Be strong, be calm, stop the cheque & give back the horrible pram as soon as you can.