It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

charlies-aunt

Thank you everyone - I really have appreciated your messages of support - I was feeling quite sad and lonely when I did my last post - you have really made a big difference and I don't feel alone now
xx

Rummer

Thank you all for your support, it makes life much easier to know that there are people out there who understand!

BitterAndTwisted

In my last job as a long-term temp, the envelopes used to come round with frightening frequency but I made a modest contribution to every single one for two and a half years. When I left I didn't even get a card. A shame really as I enjoyed working with those people but it's left a bad taste. I know I might be being a bit petty but I could use that money now I'm unemployed. Ah well....

kidcat

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

In my last job as a long-term temp, the envelopes used to come round with frightening frequency but I made a modest contribution to every single one for two and a half years. When I left I didn't even get a card. A shame really as I enjoyed working with those people but it's left a bad taste. I know I might be being a bit petty but I could use that money now I'm unemployed. Ah well....

My DH used to contribute to all the collections, new baby, new home, off work ill etc, but the year we had our youngest son he had 5 months off work due to an accident in work, receiving no pay for three months of it, we received no card or collection, and then shortly afterwards I gave birth, nothing so much as a card. At that point he stopped giving anything to any of the collections, which was a relief to our finances.

charlies-aunt

Collectons can get out of hand - in my last job, opting out of collections was not an option unless you wished to totally alienate yourself. If you were in with the in-crowd there, they would collect for every 'significant' event - in the space of 18 months one girl received 30th birthday, engagement, wedding and birth of 1st baby gifts....over the same space of time, other people left but they didn't collect for them as they had only worked for the Company for a couple of years (and weren't in with the in-crowd). Any collection would be heralded by an email urging us all to "dig deep" and contribute generously :mad:

The job that I'm in now is different - the people that I work with are lovely and I am sure that they aren't trying to criticise me - but it is very obvious to me that we are poles apart socially and economically. Discussions about food tend to centre on whats new in at Waitrose or M&S and since I am a 'basics' / aldi / market shopper, I tend to avoid getting involved in these conversations. They aren't being snob-by - they have shopped at these stores for years as they are all pretty well heeled in secure jobs and since the recession has had no impact on their worlds, they have no reason to change.

I'm not ashamed of being hard up, I'm thankful for my blessings and things could be a lot worse - and I would genuinely pull out the stops to help someone who was really in need. I am so grateful to know that there are others that feel the same way regarding these work issues and its not only me that has to say 'sorry - no'.

ceridwen

charlies-aunt wrote: »

Collectons can get out of hand - in my last job, opting out of collections was not an option unless you wished to totally alienate yourself. If you were in with the in-crowd there, they would collect for every 'significant' event - in the space of 18 months one girl received 30th birthday, engagement, wedding and birth of 1st baby gifts....over the same space of time, other people left but they didn't collect for them as they had only worked for the Company for a couple of years (and weren't in with the in-crowd). Any collection would be heralded by an email urging us all to "dig deep" and contribute generously :mad:

The job that I'm in now is different - the people that I work with are lovely and I am sure that they aren't trying to criticise me - but it is very obvious to me that we are poles apart socially and economically. Discussions about food tend to centre on whats new in at Waitrose or M&S and since I am a 'basics' / aldi / market shopper, I tend to avoid getting involved in these conversations. They aren't being snob-by - they have shopped at these stores for years as they are all pretty well heeled in secure jobs and since the recession has had no impact on their worlds, they have no reason to change.

I'm not ashamed of being hard up, I'm thankful for my blessings and things could be a lot worse - and I would genuinely pull out the stops to help someone who was really in need. I am so grateful to know that there are others that feel the same way regarding these work issues and its not only saying 'sorry - no'.

I do know exactly what you mean about the "in crowd" - and the couple of times in current job where there could have been a collection (and would have been for "in crowd" members) there wasnt one for me:mad:. It took me some while to realise that a particularly !!!!!y person who cant stand me is at the heart of the "in crowd" and that therefore I dont actually stand a chance in that respect....so I now sign any cards for anyone - but pass on the collections - as I can see clearly that things are never going to be any different and I wouldnt want to try "ingratiating myself" with said "in crowd" anyway - as they are nothing like me and my friends.

I think work collections have a tendency to work out unevenly anyway - as some people go through every "reason in the book" that collections are possible, ie: promotion/babies/getting engaged/getting married/etc and others are rarely in the position where a collection is possible anyway (as they dont do any of these things) - so, even if everyone equally got a collection each time there was a "reason" for one - there would still be people who would "dip out" - despite having put in to ones for other people.
As regards you feeling different financially with the crowd that you currently work with - I dont suppose its honestly occurred to them that you have a different "budget" to them - so 'tis wise to just think (as you obviously are) "oh well - they're lovely people" - and that is actually quite a blessing compared to some work colleagues one could get...so 'tis worth being glad of...:D

Yategirl

Yep.. been in the same position with the "in-crowd" three times.... worst was baby 1.. colleague had her baby within days of mine and she got gifts,cards, flowers etc... I got nothing... I stopped adding to collections after that and yes.. saved money!!!

pagangirl

Thank you all for your support - just to add that another e-mail came round today for the £10 Sectret Santa - I e-mailed back and just said thanks for the invite but I am going to decline (didn't give a reason).
Have not heard anything else, but there will be talk ..............

I have finally seen red and said to myself - "no more". In the past 3 weeks alone there have been collections for Breast Cancer charity, Children in Need, local Mayor's charity, 3 birthdays at £2.00 each, 2 leaving presents at £2.00 each, the Christmas night out I mentioned in previous post (which would have cost over £100), and now the Sectret Santa - the people organising these things forget that not everyone is on their rate of pay, and as I am only fixed-term, am on the lowest rate of 'em all! :mad:

Soz folks, rant over !:o

Yategirl

with regards to charity - as much as we would all like to give to all charities, we cannot give to them all.... I have found the best way to explain to people who challenge why i don't always give to a collection is that "I have 1-2-3 charities close to my heart and I give to those and i support those but i am unable to give to others" It does seem to work and i do support the ones i choose to support.

hope that is helpful?

Hardup_Hester

As our Christmas 'do' draws nearer, people who agreed to go a few months ago are now starting to change their minds & even those who feel they 'must' go are starting to complain. TBH, this is partly because they were told it was £30 a couple & actually it's £30 a head.
This time I am not in a majority of one.
I have also had a few people thank me for being open about why I don't/can't join in as it has made it easier for them to refuse on similar grounds.
Hester