It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

Rummer

I was starting to think I was the only one in that situation at work. The staff fund does benefit everyone who is ill or celebrating a special occasion and I do not normally mind it is just a tough time near xmas. Already declined to go the the night out and I was honest as to why. The next thing is the secret santa, not able to afford it so on teh day of gift exchange I will just have to sit there which will be awkward. I do know that I am doing the best for my family and no-one at work has been mean they just genuinley question because it doesn't cross their mind that things that seem inexpensive to them could be out of some peoples reach.

leed

Rummer wrote: »

I was starting to think I was the only one in that situation at work. The staff fund does benefit everyone who is ill or celebrating a special occasion and I do not normally mind it is just a tough time near xmas. Already declined to go the the night out and I was honest as to why. The next thing is the secret santa, not able to afford it so on teh day of gift exchange I will just have to sit there which will be awkward. I do know that I am doing the best for my family and no-one at work has been mean they just genuinley question because it doesn't cross their mind that things that seem inexpensive to them could be out of some peoples reach.

A couple of years ago in the office where I work (there were only 5 of us) we each spent £2 on a present for each of the others - socks and smellies were popular pressies, but I decided to buy some bulbs, planted them in compost in nicce pots and wrapped them nicely. They gave pleasure on the day and also when they bloomed! How about doing something like that for the secret santa - no one will actually know how much was spent especially if the pot is home painted and wrapped nicely!!!!

DdraigGoch

A very nice thought, leed, but if you can't do it without hurting your family budget then don't do it.

Remember, as my Grandad used to say, "them as matter won't mind and them as minds don't matter" !

NoahsPennilessMummy

Hi all
Not posted on this thread but do read it a lot.
Just wanted to add you are not alone in feeling awkward about the collections at work and work nights out. At my hospital people write their names on the outside of the collection envelope and how much they put in:rolleyes: this means it stands out when your name isnt there and looks bad if you only put a couple of quid in when others are putting in a tenner:o.
Having said that I am only there 2 days a week and try to rise above it, my family are the important ones. They have never asked me outright at work about not contributing but I am just aware of it myself and feel awkward.
it does get me down not having any money for treats etc but needs must at the mo. I had a txt yesterday from a friend inviting me to the cinema during the day next week with another friend and for lunch later ....I would like to go but it would be about £20 which I just dont have spare at the moment. We are trying to pay back OH business debts whilst saving for a small cheap wedding next xmas and trying to live at same time.
Kidcat I would def go down the route of a Statement. My ds is 6 and has autism and adhd. He is at mainstream with one to one support....15 hours per week(thats the max our LEA will give). Does he stop being autistic at 12 when his support stops?I suspect that in a year or two we may be looking at integrated resource for him as he just will not cope without fulltime one to one . I did want him at mainstream but have come to realise that he has to go wherever is best for him. In his world academic success is not important to me anymore.....it is far more important to me that he gains life skills to live as independant a life as he possibly can. Somehow having a disabled child makes you re assess all that you want in life. I hope you get everything sorted asap and your son finds a happier school to be in.

Hopefully we will all have a great OS

Hardup_Hester

Hi
Where I work we have a set system for birthdays that works out at £1 a month so I can budget for it, we do a Secret Santa with a £3 budget, but there is no pressure to join in. As for people leaving, the collections are kept at the reception desk & so you have to ask to give rather than be asked & I don't, lol.
The Christmas do has been more of a problem this year, but that is because of who is organising it, rather than the do it's self. Last year it was very expensive so a lot of people didn't go, this year it is £30 which is still too much for me. Unfortunately this years organiser is very pushy & has upset a lot of people. She has organised a few functions & none have been very well attended. She keeps asking me to join in, her arguement is that as work is very stressful we need to get together to enable us 'to bond'. I ended up telling her straight that after spending all day with people, some of whom p1ss me off, the last thing I want to do is socialise with said people! I can't say it went down very well, but it is the truth. If I can afford it I will always go to the quiz night as I enjoy them, but I'm bu66ered if I'm going to spend money going to events I won't enjoy, with people I have nothing in common with.
Hester

Primrose

I do agree with you that some of the workplace pressures to join in celebrations and "bond" come very close to passive bullying but I think you just have to stand by your principles, smile nicely and say "Sorry but I won't be going. That's a budget buster for me at the moment but I hope you all have a great time." What used to really get my goat were all the hen parties you got invited to without knowing what you were letting yourself in for. You just thought you were going for a meal and then found at the end it you were forking out for your share of other things like paying for a male stripper, expensive personalised cakes, etc. I once made myself rather unpopular by refusing to pay for part of the evening because it had been kept a secret and none of us knew what we were signing up for, so I just said "sorry, but you didn't tell me about that and I wouldn't have come if you had because I can't afford it." Everybody else was moaning too but didn't have the courage to say anything, so of course, this just perpetuates the problem next time they organise another one.

Lozza17

kidcat, I don't know your LEA but here in Lancs we have a Parent Partnership officer whose job it is to liaise with parents and the school/authority. She doesn't just work for children who are statemented but any family who need advice in the area of SEN. Schools MUST take account of your wishes, you can ask for an assessment of SEN straight to the LEA if the school won't do it. If your son is not statemented where have the school got the funding from? For the school to say a statement would mean you have no say is absolute rubbish.

If you are not getting the support you need from the school, there must be a contact at the LEA you can speak to for specific advice. Parent pressure is a powerful thing and you need to keep insisting on appropriate assessment. Has he been seen by the Educational Psychologist? I would also go through my GP to get medical assessments/reports, they cannot ignore this stuff!!!!

Lozza x

BigMummaF

kidcat wrote: »

Rosekitten I suggested a statement last week but his Headteacher said she wouldnt recommend it, as it meant that we would have no say in his education and that we would be forced to movehis schools then.
It seems that statementing a child is not somethind that officials want to commit to and will do anything in their power to prevent.
Thank you again, you advice has been invaluable this week.

At the time I was going through it all, a parent/guardian had the right to ask for the Statement so please ask at your LEA office if this is still true. As Rosekitten has said, a lot of heads are concerned about the cost it may involve & how it will look on their precious bluddin league tables, rather than any negative impact on a child :mad: Strangely enough, I read through an official copy of the Children Act in my local library & took a lot of valuable information into my 'war' by quoting excerpts at the suits behind the desks. They don't like it if you KNOW what you're talking about

Peartree wrote: »

I find the situation Rummer, Charlies-aunt and pagangirl have been put in in their workplaces absolutely outrageous. It is actually getting up there with workplace bullying! It's hard enough if you can find the confidence to say 'no' (because you'll still end up feeling awkward) but for newer or younger members of staff it intolerable. Far from feeling bad, I think you should be proud of yourselves for making a stand.
........
I get on fine with my workmates but if I'm going to shell out £35 for a meal I'd want to be sharing it with my friends or family! I'm way too old to sit in a room, having a rubbish overpriced meal (as these group things usually are) with people I see enough of during the working day thank you very much, whilst thinking of the really nice things I could have spent the cash on!

So guys, be very proud of yourselves. If more people made a stand, we wouldn't have to endure these stupid workplace practices. And for anyone not feeling so brave, there's always the 'prior family commitment' to fall back on.

:THearHear! Although I have to admit being more of a sheep than a lone wolf more often than not. It DOES take an awful lot of courage to go against the flow, but remember that you have a very good 'rescue boat' in your family & true friends as you swim against the tide. And there are always us fellow frugalistas to offer moral support of course to whom no explanation or excuse is necessary

DdraigGoch wrote: »

A very nice thought, leed, but if you can't do it without hurting your family budget then don't do it.

Remember, as my Grandad used to say, "them as matter won't mind and them as minds don't matter" !

Totally agree with you Ddraig; if truth be told many folk who are in a financial muddle now, have got there by paying out to impress others. I could mention a few from various relatives & friends of my own who think they need to buy 'labels' for everything in order to 'fit in'. I remember well when three of us all moved house in the space of about six months, all with very young families, but one had to have L@ura A$hley wallpaper in the two reception rooms only three weeks after the move :doh:My bedroom boasts the carpet from our old lounge & I moved 25+ years ago :rotfl:
And your Grandad is a wise gentleman as that saying is so very, very true. It took me a while to realise it for myself, but has become one of a good few mantras I hope to have passed on to my children. In a way it helped get me through the tough times of battling the Educational system too, when well meaning but ill-informed folk would question why I was causing such a storm. If they cared about what was happening to my child they wouldn't have to ask.

kidcat

Reading this mornings posts, it occurs that none of these problems with work and collections are new nor are they confined to employment, I used to attend a church, that regularly organised events that were costly and I was made to feel awful if I didnt attend, I was regularly harangued (sp) when I missed one. In my case it was not only financial it was home based too, to go meant me leaving my husband and kids behind and realistically that was not condusive to a peaceful home life.
Having left the pressure lifted is wonderful, but it makes me weep when I think of those who cannot simply walk away.
So maybe its time we thought up some simple strategies that can be suggested to replace the current systems for all these things for example an blind donation tin, which means you can put as much or as little in as you are able.
(Incidentally collections can cause trouble the other way too - if you give more to one than another it can cause its own issues).

Thanks for the education tips as well, I plan calling my LEA tomorrow to ask about liaison officers and statementing too,

mumoftwo

It is tough and the coming year is going to get worse. OH still on 4 days work, I have work on a supply basis, our endowment mortgage matures next year and it doesn't look like it will cover the mortgage so we need to save as much as possible.

When I worked in a school they also went out for big expensive Christmas meals but I always said I couldn't make it, my family needs me. It does feel awkward for a bit but like you said, the mass produced meals are never that good, you have to spend time with people you don't know well or not like that much. I rather spend that money on my family to have a good time at home to be honest.