It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

rosekitten

I dont know if they have the same by you
but we have an educational welfare officer
We went to see him and he acted as a liason
between the schools.He acted for us and arranged
for our son to try out a local special school.

He fitted in straight away and loved it,educationaly
it was exactly the same as mainstream but with the
addition of teaching social skills,.behavoural development
as well as various other things.

I can well remember him saying to me after he had tried it
out for a couple of days ,mummy I
dont want to go back there,I want to go back to that
nice school.He was a different child once he was in
the right place.I can honestly say he never had a
problem with his behaviour in school again.

When I think back to the stress we were under at the
time, after you sort things,its such a lovely feeling
when all they are concerned with is having
pumps for gym,pottering about singing a song
they learned,full of chatter about what he has
done that day.Then you think back and realise
things had been wrong for a lot longer than you
realised.

I hope you can find the right solooution to this
like us,I am sure you can,got everything crossed
hoping you do

missychrissy

Oh kidcat and rosekitten how you made me cry. I was feeling down a couple of days ago, but you two are dealing with an ongoing difficulty all of the time.

rosekitten

kidcat one thing I do remember from that time
we were told us to push for a statement,
full title is a statement of educational need.
We got this and it turned out to be a real god send.

Armed with that the local authority have to honour
your childs educational needs and provide the best
care for him.If you have not got this try and get one
for him.One thing you may come up against is the
reluctance,why ? Because they have to make proper
educational provisions for him,by law.You have to be
consulted and be in agreement with every suggestion
or idea that is put forward,it puts you in control.
Believe me it will work very much in your favour.
this was good advice we got from other parents
and it proved to be right.

I thought of your son cowering under that chair
and remembered my own son I had turned up
unexpectadly to see the headmistress and watched
from afar stood on his own in the playground
watching everyone play and close to tears,
because he wanted to be just like them and
feel part of them.awful,awful time and you think
at the time there can be no solution.I just wanted
to scoop him up and run off.

we were the same as you made home life as good
and posative as we could,dont forget your not alone
just come on here and do let us know how you get on
I thiink your in everyones thoughts here.

kidcat

Rosekitten I suggested a statement last week but his Headteacher said she wouldnt recommend it, as it meant that we would have no say in his education and that we would be forced to movehis schools then.
It seems that statementing a child is not somethind that officials want to commit to and will do anything in their power to prevent.
Thank you again, you advice has been invaluable this week.

rosekitten

what a load of rubbish and that is from the words
of a project worker for a mental Health charity sat
here with me.

If your child is statemented they will assess him
properly and ensure he gets everything he needs
educationaly to thrive,at no time are your wishes
and opinions ingored their aim is to do the very best
for that child,regardless.

they do not like statements because what ever
reccomendations are put forward they have to be
followed by law regardless of cost.

With my son we had a lot of options,he could have stayed
in his present school with support,or another school localy
or in various different units,we visited them all,the one we
picked in the end was one with smaller classes between 8
and 15 pupils to a class.We felt as he had had a serious
knock to his confidence he needed to be somewhere where
he could learn to mix,socialise feel part of things,the first
six months he spent in a language and learning unit.The
School attached to this was a regular scool where they worked
to the national ciriculam so educatioanly it was going to be
the same as mainstream.In this place they
tought him how to express himself in a calm way how to
interect with others,feel part of a group,sharing and best of
all they gave him the confidence to feel good about himself.
My son was fine at home and had an awful time out of it once
he stepped into the school gates.Of couse they dont want
him to have a statement because they will be the ones
without control not you.I know here there is a reluctance to
statement because of the costs involved.They dont have
your best interests at heart only their own.

Dont forget with a statement your child can go back at any time
to his old school if he wants to,he is not committed to special
schools forever,its just with mine he choose to stay where he was
because he was happy there.

charlies-aunt

Rummer wrote: »

Today was tough for me although no where near as tough as it has been for many of you. Work is asking for money for a variety of staff funds and other bits and pieces and I just do not have the money spare to give them, especially on the run up to xmas. I find it humiliating having to admit it because to the rest they are such small amounts of money but to me it is a huge amount out of my budget.

I am in a similar situaton - and it makes feel mean when I can't join in with things... this week I have given £2 for Children in Need and contributed a £5 towards a collecton for a colleague leaving present (everyone else gave £10) .... our finances are very tight so £7 means further economies at home...Everyone else went on a nightout for a meal to say 'goodbye' to the staff member and were amazed when I said that I couldn't afford to go...'Its only £30'..but I explained that by the time I had paid £30 for the meal, bought a couple of drinks, paid the extra petrol money that it would probably add up to £40.... I didn't add that since my wardrobe is a fashion free zone - I don't possess any 'going out' clothes/shoes - I would have felt very much like the poor relaton turning up in jeans or one of my work outfits

Don't begrdge the charity the money or that my colleagues are better off than I am - its just that these sort of things make me feel mean and stingy

jamanda

People should have more sensitivity than to expect you to pay out for things like that. OK it is nice to be asked but, especially this time of year coming up to Christmas, you can just say all your money is spoken for. If their money isn't spoken for they are either managing better than us or they are spending what they haven't got. I bet they say they are destitute come January.

Your friends won't mind. Those that do mind aren't your friends and should be nicely disregarded.

Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing if that is any good.

Well done you.

kidcat

Charlies-aunt - sending you big hugs, I have been in similar circumstances and know how you feel, it doesnt last forever though, and things do get easier, strange thing is when you have more money, having lived frugally for a while, you find it difficult to justify spending money on nights out etc. As times are hard we have adjusted (along with a few of our friends) to have a social life by having OS home cooked meals (nothing fancy - big pan of Chilli etc)at each others houses - minimal cost but still time to relax and spend with friends.

pagangirl

Rummer & Charlies-aunt - thanks for sharing - I was begining to feel it was just me - because my contract ends 31st Dec, am trying to hang on to every penny (there's not much to spare to start with), and when a Christmas night out was mentioned in work - I said can't do it, too expensive (£35 for meal plus drinks, plus new outfit, plus taxis both ways) same as you - people looked at me like I was from another planet - not a nice situation to be in, but don't feel so bad knowing I'm not the only one! Gonna be a wonderful start to the New Year - skint AND jobless - woohoo !!!!

Peartree

I find the situation Rummer, Charlies-aunt and pagangirl have been put in in their workplaces absolutely outrageous. It is actually getting up there with workplace bullying! It's hard enough if you can find the confidence to say 'no' (because you'll still end up feeling awkward) but for newer or younger members of staff it intolerable. Far from feeling bad, I think you should be proud of yourselves for making a stand.

I'm lucky these days. In my workplace collections for leavers, etc, are entirely voluntary, no-one else knows what you've put in and often you actually have to go and 'seek out' the envelope to contribute. Our lunchtime 'dos' are at the local (very, good) pizza place where its a £4.95 lunchtime offer for a pizza/pasta plus drinks. We vote on where we want to go for Xmas lunch with a range of prices and its certainly not expected that everyone will sign up to go. Most of us are on good salaries but the choice is always based on the cost not putting junior staff or student interns in a difficult situation. This year is the first time I will have been for several years as I usually book a long Xmas break. I get on fine with my workmates but if I'm going to shell out £35 for a meal I'd want to be sharing it with my friends or family! I'm way too old to sit in a room, having a rubbish overpriced meal (as these group things usually are) with people I see enough of during the working day thank you very much, whilst thinking of the really nice things I could have spent the cash on!

So guys, be very proud of yourselves. If more people made a stand, we wouldn't have to endure these stupid workplace practices. And for anyone not feeling so brave, there's always the 'prior family commitment' to fall back on.