It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

Rummer

Kidcat I am sorry to hear your news, it must be a difficult time for all of you.

Today was tough for me although no where near as tough as it has been for many of you. Work is asking for money for a variety of staff funds and other bits and pieces and I just do not have the money spare to give them, especially on the run up to xmas. I find it humiliating having to admit it because to the rest they are such small amounts of money but to me it is a huge amount ou of my budget.

elizabunny

kidcat What a terrible situation for you. I think if it's possible you need some expert independent advice on this matter before you agree to anything. I cannot give you much advice but you are quite right to fight for your son's best interests -it's what any of us would do.

Rummer Try not to feel humiliated -easier said than done I know, but you are dealing with your situation in a way that suits you and you should try not to worry what others may think. It is your life after all and you have to make decisions that are best for you. I agree though, what seems like a small amount of money to some people, can be the difference between make or break for some of us. Many times over the years, I have found us turning down an invitation or similar simply because we cannot afford it. It's always difficult though.

missychrissy

It must be so hard for you kidcat.

I was fortunate to have healthy children though my middle boy died at 3 months (cot death).

I have no idea what you can do in your circumstances but we all have to just keep on batting on in there.

I'm on my 7th night shift in a row tonight. I have Friday and Saturday night off this week. I havn't had a full week off since beginning of July last year and I'm feeling 'knackered'. I work for an agency so if I don't work I don't get paid. I'm trying to keep my mortgage and legal bills paid. Just arranged a mortgage holiday for Dec and Jan but the down side is that it puts my mortgage up by £20 per month when I restart paying in Feb. My savings are all gone. I had to surrender a 10 year savings scheme 9 months early, set up to buy me a car next Mar, but needed it to make up the deficit in my maintenance and pay legal bills. My car is becoming more and more unreliable and MOT due next month.

Thanks for all the support. I was just feeling a bit low when I came in from work this morning and thought I'd just share that times are hard.

BigMummaF

Kidkat, I suggest you find a solicitor who specialises in Educational Law as soon as possible. I am assuming your son has a Statement of Educational Needs & as such, the Local Education Authority has a duty to uphold that Statement...or that was how it used to be when I had a similar situation with one of my offspring! I think it is fair to say the school has NOT given the new situation a proper deal so they are in 'contempt', for want of a better word.
I really feel for you & wish you well in your battles with the LEA.

Pitlanepiglet

Big hugs for Rummer, MissChrissy and Kidcat and everyone else who needs them :grouphug:

kidcat

Thank you all so much for your kind words, advice and support. I felt so alone today and the responsibility weighs heavy. I am now calmer and will spend the next few days taking advice and looking for information before making any further decisions.

I just feel so blessed that when I was so low you were all there to listen and that means so much, especially when so many of you have your own problems.

Missychrissy is there no way you can access legal costs from some sort of charity? I know of a friend who offers some pro bono hours via a local group, it may be worth investigating. Another thing to remember is that house insurance legal cover can be claimed to cover court costs too, so if you have that cover you may be able to claim there.

Times are indeed very tough at the moment but a problem shared does become a problem halved, it would seem.

Take care everyone and stay strong.

missychrissy

Unfortunately I work too hard to be eligible for public funding. Last year I worked 5 or 6 nights a week because I was saving to help 2 of my sons with their weddings. Apparently the average wedding these days costs £20,000. As I am a quarter of the parents I promised my sons I would contribute £5,000 to each of them for their weddings regardless of what kind of wedding they chose.

My ex husband is claiming that I should continue to work that which I did last year but 60 plus hours a week on a long term basis is not a happy situation. It seems the longer hours I work the more it counts against me.

Anyway, I am usually a very upbeat person. I have 4 lovely sons and I am looking forward to lots of grandchildren one of which is due in May. I am going to be looking after him for 2 days a week so that his mum can work as she has her own business. I cannot wait.

Rummer

Good evening everyone! It is so great that when things are tough we have each other to provide support! Thank you!

rosekitten

kidcat wrote: »

Its not a good week here either, our DS5 has special needs and behavioural difficulties and we have spent the last year fighting for appropriate provision for him, we finally got full time one to one for him this week, but at a meeting yesterday the head announced it wasnt working (after two days) and that she wanted us to move him into a special assessment unit for the rest of the school year.

He doesnt deal at all well with change and I am really concerned for him, when we said we didnt want to go that route she said ok. But today they called and said we had to collect him early as they were excluding him for half a day as his behaviour had been so bad.

I do not know where to turn or what to do for the best.

we have been in exactly the same position as you
with my youngest,fought like mad to keep him
in main stream school,because we thought it best for him

I look back now and think to my self,what was I thinking of ?
It was not caving in to the inevitable that made us
change our way of thinking,it was seeing our son
in a place where he fitted in,made proper friends
and became a much happier settled person
his school work improved,he was happier and the
knock on effect is home life was happier too.
He now a gone onto college and is doing catering.

Like you we were the same oh he does not like
change our son was given the oppertunity to
try out this school and we were assured that if it
did not suit he could go back to his old class.
Well he settled in well and no way would he consider
going back.My son has an air of confidence
and ability he could never have got if we had
left him in his old school,I dread to think where
he woooould be or what he would be doing now if
we had not let him go there.

kidcat

Rosekitten - thank you so much for your advice, I have slowly this week come to the conclusion that moving him is going to be the best option, if for no other reason than his distress when I collected him the other day, he was cowering under a chair and I cannot see him go through that again.

Whether the school have acted badly (and I am advised they have ) it is not fair that he has become a pawn in their plans, failing their OFSTED has made them ruthless and I will not have him fall casualty.
The only question I now have relates to whether he can ever go back, he is being offered an assessment place at a unit for two terms in order to return with formal plan in place at his current school in Sept, but I am not sure how I feel about his ever returning.
Its harder as his younger sister starts school in Sept and therefore is supposed to be attending his current school.

Having four kids I have always taken my responsibilty very seriously, but never have I felt the weight of the responsibilty so heavily till this week.

Once again I just want to thank you all, your support this week has kept me sane and all the advice helps me realise I am not alone.

On a positive note I have been teaching him myself for the last two days (and his younger sister too) we have had a really good time and they have learnt loads, we have done literacy, numeracy, cookery, science, PE and some geography and history too, not to mention a little Spanish and French thrown in. Its has been a good couple of days and proves he is not unteachable nor is he unmanageable, its just that his school do not have the skills or inclination.