feeling like a fraud

pipkin71

Guapa1 wrote: »

That's my overriding feeling too. I don't want it, I want my life back.

I know how you feel Guapa1. I've had a rotten night and can't sleep even though I'm so tired. The pain isn't responding to medication and I would honestly rather have my health than extra money

shazrobo

i'd rather have my health back than the extra money too

helen, dont feel guilty about claiming carer's for your son, you deserve it for the hard work you do.
i have friends and neighbours who think i am lazy not going out to get a proper job, but i have 2 sons, who both receive hrc and therefore need 24 hour care.
the effects of caring for them both single handedly since they were babies, they are now 14, has had a massive impact on my health, both physically and mentally

i try to do my bit to feel useful, by knitting for charity, and helping those worse off than myself

shaz x

Mrs_Boo_Boo

BIG BIG HUGS for anyone claiming disability benefits. You are entitled.Please don't do yourselves down you are all valid members of society and going to work is only one facet of life.
The problem is the media focus on and highlight the people who abuse the system. Most people want to work but are unable due to their disability. The problem is other people judge but don't know enough about disabilities. People say they've seen people parking in a disabled bay and walking away. Well that's ok but they could have a variable condition and may be in a wheelchair the next week. The fraudsters have made it worse for the others.
In my career I have met very few disabled people who don't want to work or do something. So hold your head up high and try to stay positive.Good on you all.

moneybuster

It's there to help us in times if need somtimes we don't feel as though we need it but in the long run we do my pain has deteriated over the last 6 months to the point where it rules my life i try to get on with it but most of the time it wins when i feel heakthy enough i just sit and ponder thankfull i get a rest bite for a coupl,e of hours

sheeps68

Gosh this thread says it all on how I often feel. I get High mobility & low care. At the bad times I've been told I should get middle care but thats not all the time so I havent asked for re-assessment as there are times too (rare I admit) when I really doubt my qualification on the mobility component. But for a set of lungs that behaved I'd give it all back, work full time & evenings too which I did previously before things got rough. I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling how I do.

phoxi

Helen819 wrote: »

I think it's because I claim the carers as well as income support,that it bothers me.
I was hoping to return to work when my youngest started school,but as my sons condition is the way it is,it doesnt look possible,as Im so knackered with his needs.
If I only claim IS then going bk to work,this would stop,but as I claim carers,and this will take me over when youngest starts school,Im worried that people will then think wot the hell does she do all day!!
I know I shouldnt worry about waht others say,normally I dont well I dont given any other situation,but this is driving me insane.I am a strong person,but this is tying me in knots.
Maybe it might be because it's all new to me..applied for award,then waited over 6 months for it.Cried for days when he got it.
Thing might get easier as time goes by,can I just ask what am I supposed to spend the money on,as we have so struggled whilst ive not been able to work,then having some money comming in is odd.I get the carers every 4 weeks,have bought everything we need with the bk pay ect.
sorry if this seem strange,as Im struggling to find what to do with it,dont say spend it on myself,I cannot do this yet,as I feel guilty enough already getting it..

thankyou so much though for the responses,and yes I hope in time maybe I can feel like you cheap-charlie.so glad ive been able to get this off my chest,and thankyou all again for the advise.x

Hi, my first post so please be gentle with me!! What to do with your carers allowence??? You can use it for anything that will make YOUR life easier. It might be to try and find someone to look after your son whilst you go out for a couple of hours or it could just be there so that if you do have a tricky time you haven't got the financial worries as well as the worry of someone who needs round the clock care.

TaBunny

Purple cat and everyone else here. I think some of you know me by now but for the sake of the OP here's my story:

I started getting sick at 3 years old, pain in knees etc couldn't walk, would fall over etc. Diagonosed with juvenille stills disease (RA) when I was 4, had total of 6 or 7 ops so far I've lost count. All my life I've been ill, all my life I've been in terrible terrible pain, but the point I'm trying to make here for the benefit of the OP is that no one could SEE my pain. You see people around you will look and maybe make comments, believe me when I was 18 and trying to get work but limited to what I could do people would say I was lazy for not working longer hours. I did manage to work part time on and off right up till 5 years ago. I started getting top up benefits when I was 23 after my first child was born but I still didn't look ill and my illness back then came and went just as yours does now. Mine was so bad some days I couldn't move out of bed and yet the next week I may be able to of walked to the shops or gone out for a drink and a little dance. Now I am 43 and unfortunately the dam disease isn't giving me any let up anymore and I'm now unable to work at all, but to outsiders I still seem to be OK unless I'm using my wheelchair which I hate to use through stubborn pride.

I have always felt guilty, guilty that my kids have had to do things for me even when they were little, guilty that I couldn't bring in more money, guilty that I now take state handouts, etc and so on and no doubt I always will and like other posters have said here, it's the honest people who feel the guilt. So purple cat even if you look like you could dance an Irish jig take no notice of other people, you are the only one who knows how this illness you've got makes you feel and there's no shame in asking for help monetary or physical if you need it. We are lucky to live in a country where help is at hand if sometimes a little hard to get past red tape, so believe me when I say you have lots and lots of people who understand how you feel and wish you only the best and take what comfort you can when you feel well enough and go out and have that jig for all of us.

cumbrianpip

Larmy is right, Most people are understanding and don't see DLA claimants as scroungers... Most people who work at DLA or AA don't think that either.

cumbrianpip

Sheeps: I often hear that phrase "I've been told" or "Someone told me" ... the trouble is The person doing the telling frequently isn't qualified to tell, or they don't know the whole story. Some people boast about the level of benefit they are on (but actually aren't on) etc. take it all with a pinch of salt.
If I want to know about about my garden , I'll ask a gardener...if I want to know about DLA I'll ask DLA...

Helen819

well,ive had a long hard think about all the advise given me,and Im glad to report bk,that the money I get to care for my son,will be used to go away for the half term.
we will have a good time,even if he does cause havoc..lol.
Have booked the train tickets today,so bring on the half term.

thankyou again..xx