feeling like a fraud

purplecatlover

anyone else feel like they shouldnt be claiming dla/benefits? how do you deal with it?

i get dla and am really greatful for it, but i suffer from a variable condition and have been lucky enough each time to not have had to appeal etc unlike so many other people.

but i still feel like a fraud for claiming it. when im ill because logic goes out the window and i dont feel i deserve it, and when i am more well because i need less input from carers in some areas therefore shouldnt be receiving it (even though i still do need help with a lot of stuff). likewise with my income support.

until fairly recently i had an appointee, so it wasnt such an issue, i had no control overwhat benefits were claimed for me as i wasnt able to make those decisions.

so how do you override the guilt and accept that you are entitled to benefits?

somebody_else

The age old question, plc. I came to the conclusion a long time ago, that those who are working the system don't give a stuff about how they're seen, whereas those of us who genuinely need the help available either can't get it 'cos they don't shout loud enough or permanently feel a sense of guilt if they do get it.

Sorry, can't help with your question really.

mouseymousey99

Sorry no answer here either! (I do know how you feel though). I try to fill the time by doing something 'useful' in my case OU. Its a very hard situation, I feel I would love to be 'out there'; common sense dictates otherwise. I know we have worked and 'paid in' but oh the guilt when you are on the other side....Looking forward to the replies on this one - good question...

Zziggi

somebody_else wrote: »

The age old question, plc. I came to the conclusion a long time ago, that those who are working the system don't give a stuff about how they're seen, whereas those of us who genuinely need the help available either can't get it 'cos they don't shout loud enough or permanently feel a sense of guilt if they do get it.

I second that!.. and mouseymouseys comments too. Trying to do something "useful" can help but you may feel limited to what you can do that is "useful". Having said that, even compensating by being useful doesn't totally help if you have a tendancy to feel guilty. What makes me feel worst is when people ASSUME you are fine because of the shapshot of your life that they see. Even worse when they decide that you are fraudulantly claiming and report you based on the snapshot of your life that they see. Aren't people allowed to (a) have variable conditions (b) have conditions that outsiders can't always see (c) put on a brave face to the world when you go out [the clue is WHEN they go out - when they are too ill they don't go out]. I know I have turned down tasks that i would have liked to do and would have meant i was being useful because of people who would have assumed that there was nothing wrong with me and i was being fraudulent!

LameWolf

I'm the same; it doesn't feel right taking money that I don't feel I've earned. I even feel guilty having to ask for help with everyday tasks (for instance, need my husband's assistance to bathe and dress). I guess we just have to try and come to terms with it. If anyone can tell me how, I'd be grateful.

nanokitten

I understand its hard if you have a fluctuating condition, but on the benefits side, you have to remember that the system has been designed to be as cost effective as possible and is is probably more efficient to pay for care even for weeks that you don't neccessarily 'need' it than it would be to have a system of continuous assesment. That is the responisbility of the policy makers, not you, so there is no point feeling guilty about that.

In terms of feeling like a burden on your carers, I'm sure many of us feel like that at times. I guess all you can do is to try and contribute where you can. That may be by doing some family jobs (such as admin or looking for good deals on utilities etc) when you do feel up to it, giving emotional support, advice, hanging out on here and trying to support other people. Everyone has skills they can still use to contribute, even if its just being good company!

scooby1001

I think that there are many of us who feel just like you do. I know i certainly do which leads me sometimes when i am delusional to do rash things like cancel my benefits(did this recently cos thought i was going to be made a saint)but i have been lucky in they realise it is the illness rather than me and re-instate them. I think we feel bad about claiming mainly because of other people's attitude to us claiming(why should you get money i don't) sort of thing whixh makes it a bit of a dirty secret the fact you claim and receive it. At the moment my thought is i am not going to feel bad about it i know i need it and i know there is no way i could hold down any sort of job so don't beat yourself up over it.

lucyhope

For most of us on here benefits are a safety net, not a way of life like those who are working they system, and I'd like to bet we've all contributed in national insurance at some time in our lives.
Why should we feel guilty because we need some help? (I do know how you feel though and have been through the guilt) People generally only see what they want to see. My OH is going into hospital next week for a knee replacement and has used a stick for years but still gets the comment ' is the dla medical due then?' Aren't some people stupid!
OH has been reported or working as a gardener(yeah right) when what he was doing was loaning the mower to a pal! But the ones who are milking the system and are perfectly capable of working are the ones that give those of us who can't a bad name and we're all labelled 'scroungers' From what i read on here we lead more productive lives than any of them if it's only in cooking real meals and budgeting what little money we do have.
Take the money and don't feel guilty, it's a waste of what energy you do have. and to the lot of em.

wogglemaker

Thank heaven for the posters on this thread. I have a variable condition (albe it mostly down at the moment). I can hear myself in your posts.

Thank you all so much, it has given me the hug I need to hopefully see the light at the end of the tunnel

TheWhiteButterfly

im the same, i get lrc right now for depression, i know its not like an illness like people who are very disabled but i have suffered with this from overdoses to literally locking myself away from everyone, i would not have claimed dla if it wasnt for my doctor a few years ago telling me i should put a claim in as it may help, it does help but i do feel very guilty for taking money off the goverment for this, i have now submitted a renewal claim as i am disabled and cannot walk, but it took me some time and pushing to put in this claim cos i just didnt want to be a burden on dla, i know quite a few people where i use to live walking round with sticks and having cars through dla and they dont need this they are just conning the system which makes me very angry cos genuine people who dont get dla get refused, so dont feel guilty purplecat you have obviously been awarded dla for a reason.

altocumulus

think of it as just getting some of your income tax / VAT / NI contributions back .... put the money to a good use / hobby / study / holiday / travel to-from a charity shop . . . etc ...