feeling like a fraud

Helen819

My son currently recieves DLA(he is under 16).
I was on IS,was told to claim carers for him,as ive done this now,im feeling like I dont want it,I mean it's my job to look after him anyway,although you cannot see phyically was is wrong with him,Im happy that he had the award,but feel like im getting something that really I shouldnt be getting.
I feel that bad every day at the moment about this,that I'm going to not claim it no more,it will be added to my income suppport(as ive had the amount ca taken from it).And although I will still get the added money,its not paid in the same way.

Im finding it extreamly difficult saying to people that im a carer for my son,(well ive not told anyone)and thats why I cannot at the moment return to work.I just let them think im lazy,because of the thought's people think,thats its me duty to look after him(which I agree).
Ive worked since I left school,and now when im thinking of returning(youngest due to start school sept),all these thoughts of what im claiming snd for what reasons,are really effecting me..

will hope that when I ring the benifit people to renounce my claim then the guilt will go away..

larmy16

Helen don't do anything rash. Surely if they have awarded it, you are entitled.

My friend is in the same situation, but she has her own problems. Neither she nor her son work. Her neighbours look down on her and consequently she feels very bad about herself and her situation. It's funny as she has so much time on her hands and me working have no time for anything. We kind of envy each other! We do have a laugh though and go through all sorts of things we would like to say to the neighbours - never do of course.

It's horrible that you feel this way - I really feel for you.:(

cheap_charlie

I have absolutely no guilt about what I claim for my daughter.

I have cared for her since she was a baby, as all mothers do but given the sheer level of care she requires and has required due to her autism I think the Carer's Allowance is an extremely cost efficient way for the government to deal with special needs children.

I worked for many years and paid NI and tax. My daughter needs constant supervision on a daily basis and will never be "cured" of her autism.

If other people consider me a scrounger, then let them. I am not defrauding the system, I am not working the system and I am not a thief.

I am simply removing the burden of care for my daughter from various government agencies and receiving a very small amount of money for it.

pipkin71

cheap_charlie wrote: »

If other people consider me a scrounger, then let them. I am not defrauding the system, I am not working the system and I am not a thief.

I am simply removing the burden of care for my daughter from various government agencies and receiving a very small amount of money for it.

That's the thing isn't it cheap_charlie, you can't control what people think and it's their issue rather than yours because you know your own circumstances.

Absolutely agree with the government agencies. It would cost them a lot more to care for your DD, and they certainly wouldn't do it with the same love and care that you do.

Please don't be too hard on yourself Helen. You have been awarded the benefit for a reason and it really isn't down to anyone else other than the decision makers to decide whether or not you are entitled.

robredz

DLA is an enabling benefit, It helps people to do things they otherwise might not. It is also a passport benefit, and if someone is entitled they should in no way feel guilty for claiming, even with a variable condition.

Helen819

I think it's because I claim the carers as well as income support,that it bothers me.
I was hoping to return to work when my youngest started school,but as my sons condition is the way it is,it doesnt look possible,as Im so knackered with his needs.
If I only claim IS then going bk to work,this would stop,but as I claim carers,and this will take me over when youngest starts school,Im worried that people will then think wot the hell does she do all day!!
I know I shouldnt worry about waht others say,normally I dont well I dont given any other situation,but this is driving me insane.I am a strong person,but this is tying me in knots.
Maybe it might be because it's all new to me..applied for award,then waited over 6 months for it.Cried for days when he got it.
Thing might get easier as time goes by,can I just ask what am I supposed to spend the money on,as we have so struggled whilst ive not been able to work,then having some money comming in is odd.I get the carers every 4 weeks,have bought everything we need with the bk pay ect.
sorry if this seem strange,as Im struggling to find what to do with it,dont say spend it on myself,I cannot do this yet,as I feel guilty enough already getting it..

thankyou so much though for the responses,and yes I hope in time maybe I can feel like you cheap-charlie.so glad ive been able to get this off my chest,and thankyou all again for the advise.x

MrsManda

I'm feel like this at the moment. I don't recieve DLA but I do get a disabled railcard and bus pass even though most of the time I can walk fine and when I can't walk I'm usually too ill to go anywhere anyway
I've also just recieved a shiny new laptop along with a pile of other equipment which I'd have never have bought (or afforded) myself from the LEA. Again, at the moment I'm ok and I've been out of hospital for over a year (which is the first time for over 10yrs) so don't really need these things. However they are useful and if I do end up suffering and in hospital (could be next week, could be never) they will be vital in enabling me to carry on studying.

But as the person who assessed me said, the equipment is there so that I have it for when I need it. The thing with a variable condition is that when you're fine you feel you're always going to be fine.(or at least thats how I feel). But when the condition flares up you are wiped out and can no longer do anything. Everything we are given is there to enable us to carry on as normal as much as possible in the bad times.

pipkin71

Helen819 wrote: »

I think it's because I claim the carers as well as income support,that it bothers me.
I was hoping to return to work when my youngest started school,but as my sons condition is the way it is,it doesnt look possible,as Im so knackered with his needs.
If I only claim IS then going bk to work,this would stop,but as I claim carers,and this will take me over when youngest starts school,Im worried that people will then think wot the hell does she do all day!!
I know I shouldnt worry about waht others say,normally I dont well I dont given any other situation,but this is driving me insane.I am a strong person,but this is tying me in knots.
Maybe it might be because it's all new to me..applied for award,then waited over 6 months for it.Cried for days when he got it.
Thing might get easier as time goes by,can I just ask what am I supposed to spend the money on,as we have so struggled whilst ive not been able to work,then having some money comming in is odd.I get the carers every 4 weeks,have bought everything we need with the bk pay ect.
sorry if this seem strange,as Im struggling to find what to do with it,dont say spend it on myself,I cannot do this yet,as I feel guilty enough already getting it..

thankyou so much though for the responses,and yes I hope in time maybe I can feel like you cheap-charlie.so glad ive been able to get this off my chest,and thankyou all again for the advise.x

Spend the money on what you see fit Helen to make your lives easier to manage - it isn't for anyone else to determine what you spend the money on pet. Think about it this way, if outside agencies were carrying out the care roles it would cost tax payers more than you are receiving now.

I know what you mean about the feelings you had when you was awarded the money - it is a bag of mixed emotions.

Be kind to yourself and try not to stress or feel guilty

PolishBigSpender

If I'm right in saying this, the amount paid in 'Carers Allowance' is absolutely disgusting. It works out about minimum wage in Poland I think, maybe even less. And given that it's next to impossible to live here on such a low wage, it amazes me that the Government can continue to pay such a low amount and get away with it.

I guess those caring don't have a choice, unfortunately.

Guapa1

pipkin71 wrote: »

I wish I wasn't in the position of qualifying for what I now receive.

That's my overriding feeling too. I don't want it, I want my life back.