Ask for financial assistance from childrens enstranged relatives, advice please!

mrs_pogel

Thank you for the contrasting responses it just about sums up how I was feeling, in two minds!

You have confirmed my worst fears, that the shoving of the door in my face may hurt, but I understand what you are saying, and this is one of the reasons I hesitate.

The kids have applied for grants and loans but this is not enough to cover their accommodation or living expenses without working as well. One has a part time job also but the other is struggling with the pressure of intensive coursework and could not continue the job she had as well as doing her studies. It may be that she/they will have to drop out if the pressure gets too much.

I appreciate also about the university education not being so vital in relation to income, and I'm sure both of them will find work of some sorts without a degree if it comes to that.

As for the CSA I received a letter from them a few weeks back saying that he is no longer liable to pay any money now and they will no longer pursue him. Three years ago they wrote off £84,000 he owed in back maintenance, I couldn't believe it. Reason being, the week he was due to be taken to court by the CSA he went sick (he was self employed) claiming he was incapacitated (which he is, but not in the way he claimed) so hey presto the CSA said they couldn't/wouldn't pursue him. A couple of weeks later as I suspected, he was back working again! I hate the CSA with every fibre of my being.

And true the "Kids" are old enough to contact him themselves and they have talked about it in the past, not for financial assistance though, but they were afraid themselves of being rejected. I'm just a worried parent, feeling a little hopeless to help, even though my kids are adults I care for them and want the best for them. I guess asking for help from his family was not the best idea, rather a desperate one, and it's clearly too desperate!

P.S. honeypop, I DID mean POLL TAX from years and years ago , they tracked me down, but am trying to address these issues!

Thanks for all the advice, just needed someone to help me see sense!

NAR

What about initial contact along the lines of kids curious about having contact with grandfather and telling him about them, courses, interests etc.
Tell him about lack of contact with his son for 9 years and they don't want to lose family ties completely.
Do not look as if you are just a golddigger, especially if the kids really want contact with gfather. Ask him round, maybe for Christmas when the kids are there, and he will see for himself how you are struggling by. With luck he may offer assistance, if not at least the ice will be broken and hopefully some sort of relationship can be built.

Oldernotwiser

If your children get grants and bursaries as well as their loans they really should be able to manage, with part time work adding the icing on the cake if they can fit it in. You should look at the Student Board to see how people manage and get them to look on MSE generally to see ways in which they can cut their costs.

floss2

If you are on such a low income, then your children should get bursaries, grants and loans. If they are STILL struggling, then they need to apply to their university's Student Hardship fund, or move to cheaper accomodation and adapt their lives to suit their income (and not to match their fellow students). I would suggest they make contact with their uni's student welfare office.

Also, have you checked that you are getting all you are entitled to? Surely you should have been eligible for council tax benefit if you have a low income?

Krystaltips

I agree with NAR about approaching him for the children, if one of them is studying something close to his heart then it might help them build a relationship for the future. As far as asking him for financial assistance, I would not ask... If the children want to approach him once they have some kind of relationship going then it is up to them. The struggle at the moment seems hard, but in the future it will be looked back on as a very short space of time that was overcome with determination!

poet123

The option of transferring to a Uni nearer to home and saving on living expenses is always available if things get too tight. There is a student hardship fund at most unis too,have they applied for help from that?

Sometimes people mellow as they get older,and the grandfather may welcome the contact and want to help. I think that the kids should do the contacting though,and try to foster a relationship and then wait for an offer of help to be forthcoming.

Gingham_Ribbon

You could write to him telling him that the kids have started uni, that you're really proud of them, but that you're disappointed that his son hasn't contributed to their lives. Maybe he can get a few quid out of the person who actually owes them something?

suki1964

Well my sson has started uni with full grant and tbh its plenty - hes more spare spending money then I have. Its up to him to decide if he wants to go out on the booze with his peers every night(so he needs a job as well)or live within his means.

And theres plenty of time to work and study - sure they only have a few hours lectures a week. Theres plenty on these boards that have family, work full time AND study.

Its not easy, and it shouldnt be else we would all be sat on the dole with our worthless degrees (very tongue in cheek before anyone jumps)

Oldernotwiser

poet123 wrote: »

The option of transferring to a Uni nearer to home and saving on living expenses is always available if things get too tight. .

Probably not the ideal solution!

"I live miles from civilisation "

bestpud

I have to agree that student finance should be enough, along with perhaps a little job.

Have you offered to help them budget?

I don't want to presume too much as I don't know you, but uni students often exaggerate their hardship, and workload, to parents!! I know this as I am a mature student and I have heard more than one on the phone to mum/dad conmplaining they haven't eaten etc etc and then talking to their mates about nights out!

Get them to contact the finance department at their uni if they really are unable to cope, as they will help if that is the case.

Otherwise, try and look out for yourself now as they are old enough, and should be receiving enough, to keep themselves! If you want to feel you are doing something, what about food parcels, as you can get BOGOF items (one each) and you will at least know they are eating?