Want to tell him it's over-advice needed

starry_night_2

Sounds like you've tried pretty hard for a long time...it takes two to make a relationship work. You could stay with family or friends for a bit, to see if it makes him change his tune, might work.

But generally I'd say you only get one life so use it well.

maryjane01

Avoid the other guy like the plague, you are vulnerable because you are in an unhappy relationship.

Somebody chasing a married woman has dubious morals and obviously does not respect things that should be respected (eg other peoples wedding vows). For him it is likely to be a bit like a sport and when he has won the prize (got you to leave your husband for him) he will lose interest and look for his next ego boosting conquest.

If you do decide to leave your husband it may be best to have a few months on your own so you can get to know yourself as an individual person again and learn what it is you really want. Your son will also deserve some extra attention. Any relationship you then have is more likely to be a successful one.

Stephb1986_2

How can she talk to him if he's always down the pub or burrying his head in the sand?

That say's it all.

Steph xx

pinkshoes

Josie_Jump wrote: »

From reading several of the posts on this thread I'm guessing everyone who is saying you should make a go of it, stay with him etc has no concept of what it is like living with a man who is more interested in going to the pub than spending time with his family. .

Fair point, but it needs to be put into perspective.

It can't be fun either for him to have a wife who is cheating on him. He may not know about this other man that she has feelings for (cheating doesn't have to be physical), but I can guarantee that she's probably changed, even if she doesn't think so.

I'd say cheating is the worse crime of the two.

Gingham_Ribbon

Sarahlou wrote: »

Hi Viktory

I've asked myself a hundred times why I married him, and I can't find the answer....but for some reason I love him, but why when he makes me so unhappy? If I'm honest I'm a very clingy type of person and lack in confidence. Maybe that why he dislikes me..... he also doesn't like me going out with friends at night - I get to go out once every six months maybe? He seems to resent having to stay in and look after our son..

This guy who is a shoulder to cry on and more...is it a virtual shoulder? By that I mean, he's 250 miles away, you never go out and he's being the perfect guy...

Have you actually met him? Or do you 'meet' him when your child is in bed and your husband is in the pub?

RobertoMoir

Sarahlou wrote: »

Thanks Rikki......I'd do anything for my son, but should I stay with someone who makes me so unhappy?

Are you trying to find an answer to your real problem here, or are you just asking for "permission" to ditch your husband.

If you do want to leave your husband, fair enough, make sure you can afford to do it then move out on your own. Don't leave to just shack up with another guy, that is the "grass is always greener" argument and it is a crock.

You say this new guy makes you feel like a "princess", well presumably your husband did at some time too or you would never have married, and look where that's ended up! And besides all that, real life isn't a disney film.

This new guy might make you feel like a princess now but what about the practical aspects of what you are going to do for yourself and your child in the future? If you want to leave, figure out how to stand on your own two feet and once you've done that first then by all means look around for something new. Don't get me wrong, he might be for real, but are you willing to bet yours and your child's future on that? Doesn't really sit with putting the kid first does it?

Sarahlou_2

Hi guys

Just wanted to update you........
Well, a lot has happened since I posted this originally, but basically I've decided - no WE'VE decided - to give our marriage another go. My hubby has stopped drinking, we've started communicating and are starting to rebuild what we had. I guess I had a lightbulb moment.......one day it hit me....everything came spilling out and my husband was very upset but said it had made him realise how far he'd pushed me away. We had a lovely family christmas and are really working at things.

I realised that what was really attracting me to this other guy was materialistic things and living the high life - but where would that have left my family, the most precious thing in my life our son? How long before this other guy would've got bored of driving from London each week? How could he understand my son comes first?

So I just want to say to any other women (or men) out there tempted into an affair PLEASE PLEASE avoid at all costs - the heartache is unbelievable. Take a moment to stand back and look at what you stand to lose.

Thank you guys for all your advice and for helping me to see the light. (you may begin your I told you so dances!)

Sarah x x x x x x x x

Stephb1986_2

Yay im so glad you have sorted things out! Well Done

Thanks for the update

Good luck

Steph xx

Gingham_Ribbon

Good post, Sarah. The very best for the future.

beverleyhills

Sarahlou
I'm so pleased to read your latest post. Marriage is very hard work at times.
If you think that the going is getting tough again, pause, remember what a wonderful Christmas you had in 2008.
Good luck for your future.