CSA Question

Butterfly_Kisses

If I was in your position I'd have the test done to know for sure... imagine finding out years down the line that he wasn't the father.
Are you seriously willing to pay out £200 a month for the next 10 year but not pay for a DNA test? Surely you need that guarantee...?
Just because he was on this trip like she says still doesn't mean he slept with her... sorry for playing Devil's Advocate but you need to consider these things before paying a perfect stranger on her say so alone. The fact that you say all she seems interested in is the money is a bit worrying.

I'm not trying to be condescending towards you just trying to offer advice, I really do hope it is all sorted out and that if he is the father he is able to meet and get to know this child who has obviously been without a father for 7 years.

Zara33

Being hounorable has nothing to do with it whatsoever!

People are trying to make you both see sense :wall: It's all well saying we will pay £200 per month but who in their right mind would do this...your bloke cannot remember this lady in question so how can he hand on heart say he slept with her yes it could quiet easily be a drunken one night stand be lets be honest here he must remember having sex.

Of course there is nothing to say your bloke is the father what if the lady has slept with someone else the night before or the night after or in fact a week after a few vague memories is no use, you will be shelling out a !!!!!! load of money for this child and you don't even know if he is the father. What would happen if say in 10 years time when there is no more money coming in the lady then turns round as says something along the line of "i'm not sure if you are indeed in the father"

Of course the lady was over the moon when you phoned hey who wouldn't be if someone was giving me £200 per month no questions asked i would be delighted. Call her bluff ask for a DNA test do not part with anymore money until that result is in your hands.

LizzieS_2

JOHNSTONE1 wrote: »

She isnt being gullable at all by accepting this situation i bet she thought all her christmas's and birthdays had come at once today.

She would still get the payments via csa so I would hardly say all her christmas's and birthdays at come at once, especially when through no one's fault she has had to wait 7 years. The point of my previous post was to show that there are 2 sides to gullability (it was not a go directly at you) - yes she could re-instate the csa but it isn't risk-free really as some-one in your position could lead her a merry dance knowing full well the csa cannot collect arrears for any maintenance direct period.

I am a little surprised to read that she was only interested in the money, because a few hours ago she didn't even want to make a claim to the csa!

To clear the arrears start date, can you clarify which version of your 2 web postings is correct - on here you left and made a claim for csa and she subsequently made a claim, elsewhere you say her claim arrived and you left your husband because of that claim. It may seem a little trivial but each of those 2 situations could result in a very different answer over the potential start date of her csa claim.

As far as the DNA test goes - only 1 person knows her life around that time. If she is 100% sure your husband is the father, then depending upon her personality she may understand your need to know, or may take offence at what is easily interpretted as saying she sleeps around. She could also see this as you begining delay tactics and may just take it back to the csa - again it depends upon her personality/beliefs/trust etc. To ensure you only have to pay for this test once though, I would still use a testing centre approved by the csa.

frugallass

JOHNSTONE1 wrote: »

She isnt being gullable at all by accepting this situation i bet she thought all her christmas's and birthdays had come at once today. She will get a set amount each month starting from as soon as he gets a job which should be this month he has a second interview for a job and unless he really mucks it up it pretty much guuranteed so from december onwards he will be paying maintenance.

I wish people would stop thinking he's up to something, he's kind of admitted defeat and we are trying to move on and get on with our lives.

I do howver think that you are right and regardless of the fact he can remember going to this place he still doesnt remeber her so we should still ask her for a DNA test just to make sure.

She has his number now if there are any problems, but she wont have any she just seemed to be interested in the money and thats exactly what she will be getting.

It seems on here sometimes like whatever you do its wrong even when you are trying to the honerable thing.

I think we are both being very reasonable considering the circumstances

OP I think you're getting confused.....

you're the gullible one for going along with all this and not querying the mother's claims

nobody is accusing your hubby of 'being up to something'- people are actually trying to help by suggesting that parentage is ascertained right from the outset - he needs to have a DNA test, if he is the father then he can pay his way

yes you are being reasonable, nobody is disputing that - you are being too reasonable by just accepting this woman's word without any proof

JOHNSTONE1

Yes she would be getting CSA payments but a lot less than wht he is offering her direct and if he was to be out of work like he is now se would get nothing.

Sorry if there is any confusion of my posts i'm in a bit of a state at the moment as you can imagine and am just looking for answers. Me and my husband split up i made a claim for csa and got a letter saying what i would recieve she then put a claim in after me and me and my husband fell out even further with no chance at all of working things out. As you can imagine i had no idea when this child was born and presumed having not seen the letter until now that as the claim was made after mine the child had just been born meaning he had cheated on me. He got very depressed about the whole situation and went awol.

There were two conversations he had with her within a space of about an hour first one she explained how they knew each other, said she was sorry she had to make a claim but she was forced into as she went on benefits and couldnt have got a flat without telling them is name (which is all she had) he then called back with the proposal of having a private arrangement and ten it became all about the money.

She doesnt seem interested at all about my husband getting to know this child and infact said it was probably better he didnt as she was in a relationship where the child calls this new bloke dad and is just about to give birth to another child.

I wasnt trying to be horrible about her it just the way she came across.

LizzieS_2

Hey no need to apologise - we're all here to try to ensure you get all the right information with no nasty surprises later. Pleased you gave this answer as it is more obvious that the first contact was August on csa records too.

Can understand how this affected you personally with not knowing the childs age and naturally your mind would race to a conclusion (thankfully wrong one, at least you can both start to rebuild your lives together).

The difference between the 2 calls suggest she spoke to some-one else inbetween (possibly her partner) and was influenced by their opinion.

I wondered if contact had been discussed (appreciate it wasn't relevant to your questions here). I can see this from child (based on age), pwc, you and your husbands points here - there isn't a right or wrong answer, perhaps the best your husband can hope for is that the child is allowed to make her own mind up when she is a little older, and that if she learns the truth over why her father was not there from her birth - ie it wasn't through anyone choice.

kelloggs36

She doesnt seem interested at all about my husband getting to know this child and infact said it was probably better he didnt as she was in a relationship where the child calls this new bloke dad and is just about to give birth to another child.

Then I think you are totally off your trollies to consider giving her any money direct. You have absolutely no idea whatsoever if the child is your husband's and she appears to be ducking and diving. Don't do it - whatever she says, just say no and ask for the DNA test. If she says no, then you will have to approach the courts to ask them to compel her to take one, and if she won't then the courts can make a declaration of non-parentage. You are being taken in by her with no sound reason to.

Zara33

JOHNSTONE1 wrote: »

Sorry if there is any confusion of my posts i'm in a bit of a state at the moment as you can imagine and am just looking for answers.

I wasnt trying to be horrible about her it just the way she came across.

I'm editing your post because i want to highlight these two bits.

You and your husband have a right to be in a state about this :eek: i doubt anyone else would react differently! From your posting's on this thread you have never come across as horrible about this lady so please don't panic...just don't be a doormat.

iluvfreebies

i really dont see how your partner can consider not havin a dna test. At the moment all you have is this womans word for it that the child is his. Even if he did have a night out with her this doesn mean that the kid is his. There is every chance that she has panicked when they asked for a name at the benefit office and she has thought "they will never find him anyway" and provided your partners name. I can't believe that he is happy to make payments to someone based n someone who he doesnt even know saying the child is his.
It is just like me saying i have had his child so here is my bank details.
i just hope he sees sense.

laurenjs88

Just to chuck something in here, Isnt it funny how when you wanted CSA it didnt really matter how little money he had?? Now he probably has another child (and to be honest he probably does remember) That you are so upset because you're trying to give it another go,he might actually have to support another child.

Just curious how you can justify your turn around in opinon now you wont be claiming CSA?

The only way your going to know is to do a DNA test and if he is then He'll have to get ajob and support his family & his child.