Aghhhhhhh teenagers

doelani

Ok I have a tricky one. My daughter is 19 and shares a room 2 nights a week with my 14 year old stepdaughter.

The 14yo is always using the 19yo stuff. I will give you a few examples.

Not a big deal you might think but a bottle of makeup that cost £15 and was used twice is now empty.

Tonight a bottle of expensive perfume that was not even out of the box is sitting on dresser opened. My DD was away over weekend and noticed this when she came back

DD buys her own shampoo which none else uses but again tonight she went into bathroom and it has been used and not only that but lid was not on right and had topples into bath so whole £5 bottle of shampoo gone.

My stepdaugher has been asked about using the stuff and told to ask first and she denys it but when she is only one in room and makeup wipes are hid under her pillow a bit hard to believe her.

My DD works and buys herself expensive makeup and perfume etc. I would not even go into her room and use any of her stuff. My DD had a room of her own for 18 years and due to change of circumstances with another child she now has to share. She offered as this was her room and no issues apart form her stepsisiter using her stuff without asking.

Now my DD has asked can we get her drawers that lock so she can put her stuff in it. This will upset my stepdaughter I know but what can I do ?

Anyone with teenage girls had this problem when they share rooms? what do you do ?

nearlyrich

Not had this problem but I am the oldest of 3 sisters and I can remember being very annoyed if one of the younger one's took my stuff without asking. At 14 the other girl is old enough to know it's not on to use someone else's stuff without permission and he being upset would be the last thing on my mind if they were my children. Sounds like your DD has been more than patient and I would provide a secure place for her to keep stuff she values as clearly the 14 year old is not only taking stuff but lying too.

searching_me

sounds like me and my older sister not that long ago, we were also same age difference cant really tell you why though you just do partly coz you wanted the stuff partly coz knew it would wind her up petty i know but hey thats what younger sisters do ... me and my sister use to fight like cat and dog and if im honest we still have our moments... yes it may upset your step daughter that you may have to put locks on stuff but my mother went as far as putting locks on most cupboards... she'll soon learn boundarys plus for every one thing she uses of her sisters you take one thing of hers in return believe me she'll soon learn... i did x

Poppy9

I am the youngest of 3 sisters so I was the annoying one:p

You can't help yourself as you know it winds them up and they had their "thing" that they did to wind me up (telling me horror stories, who comes out at night when you are asleep etc).

However at 14 she is old enough to know better and should be punished. If I had done that at that age I would have been made to replace the item from my own money.

If she is absolutely the only person who has access to this stuff and you are positive your DD is not doing it herself to get her step sister in trouble then you need to sort it out. Yes, she is probably doing because she feels insecure etc. but she still has to know their are rules. Tell her you will treat her as you would treat your own daughter and that includes the punishments as well as the love and treats.

MrsE_2

To be honest as shes a visitor & its your DDs home, would it be wrong to giver her the sofa?

Or am I out of order?

But surely shes well old enough to know shes stealing (& lying).

Poppy9

MrsE wrote: »

To be honest as shes a visitor & its your DDs home, would it be wrong to giver her the sofa?

Or am I out of order?

Worst thing you could do IMO. Lots of DD friends are from broken homes and one of them is displaced and treated like a visitor in her father's house. It's heartbreaking as he is her father and it's his home, which should be her home too.

MrsE_2

Poppy9 wrote: »

Worst thing you could do IMO. Lots of DD friends are from broken homes and one of them is displaced and treated like a visitor in her father's house. It's heartbreaking as he is her father and it's his home, which should be her home too.

But she does have a home & her own room in that home & presumably can put her stuff down without it being pinched.

I just don't think its fair on the daughter to have to put up with this & shes not doing anything wrong.

Am I being so wrong?

I just think its "normal" to only have one bedroom & if you are in someones house you are a guest

doelani

MrsE wrote: »

To be honest as shes a visitor & its your DDs home, would it be wrong to giver her the sofa?

Or am I out of order?

But surely shes well old enough to know shes stealing (& lying).

thanks for reply, Could never do that as this is stepkids home as well, they stay here 2-3 nights a week and other kids including my son have own bedroom except DD and stepdaughter who had to share as it was biggest room.

splishsplash

Could you give both girls a lockable drawer or two? That way, your DD has somewhere to store her valuables, while your DSD is made to feel she has a definite presence in your house?

whitewing

I agree that sofa is not an option.

Get them both lockable drawers, exactly the same (different keys though). Then step-DD has a permanent place to leave her private stuff, which may help her feel more like she has a place. DD has her stuff secure too, which is only fair. Don't try to make out that it is nothing to do with the 'borrowing' issue as step-DD will see through that straight away.

doelani

Poppy9 wrote: »

If she is absolutely the only person who has access to this stuff and you are positive your DD is not doing it herself to get her step sister in trouble then you need to sort it out. Yes, she is probably doing because she feels insecure etc. but she still has to know their are rules. Tell her you will treat her as you would treat your own daughter and that includes the punishments as well as the love and treats.

my daughter is very good to her stepsisters and to old to play games to get one of them into trouble. I do not think the 14yo thinks there is anything wrong with just taking stuff to use, it is only makeup and perfum, but I feel my DD lost her privacy when they started to share. No solution to that one I'm afraid.
Think we will get them both drawers with a lock on one each for personal things