need to get money from ex

Sagaris

He may 'come up smelling of roses' for now - but remember, what goes around, comes around! He will get what is coming to him eventually, I think you would be best to get him out of your life in every possible way and start again (as others have said).

Good luck with everything - you have done really well so far!

lostinrates

newcook wrote: »

That was my main instinct to just leave it but as I said there was a bit of me that wants to make him pay both emotionally and financially like I have had to!! He is the type that will get himself into all sorts of carp but come out the victor smelling of roses ....

When I left my ex I was in a not disimilar situation, there were some debts, but not a substantial amount, but he had also been employed by me:o and there were profits, later when I sold my business, he set up a bogus claim and I started to slog it out with him through solicitors.

I realised pretty quickly that the 'profits' could be quickly eaten away in a legal battle, and the extent of the 'abuse' I'd suffered would come out, not something I wanted made public to my friends and family, so I settled, the legal advice was I had a good case. His claims were bogus, and very easy to prove so, but he had nothing to lose and everything to gain in trying. The decision to let him have a substantial amount of money is the best I ever made, because pursuing it would have been emotionally draining for me and kept him in my life longer. As it happened I met a truely wonderful man who I wouldn't have been emotionally available for if I was dealing with that stuff.



You have bought your freedom and pride in yourself and your abilty to take care of yourself and now be happy . Enjoy the next stage of your life and don't look back. Congratulations!

Errata

He had promised to pay half of the bill as he said he 'wouldn’t want to screw me over'

Do you have this promise in writing? If you haven't you have no proof that he owes you anthing. Mark it down to experience and get on with your life.

newcook

thanks all!! so weird though - he text me last night asking how I was as if nothing had happened! I replied back that unless it was to do with the bill for him not to contact me as he means nothing to me and life is so much better without him in it!

luckily the solicitors would be able to verify that they have only received monies from me and my bank statements can prove that he hasnt paid anything in to my bank.

thanks again guys for the advice and also helping me keep my sanity!!!!

DKLS

Have been there lostinrates, I came to a similar decision after a two year legal fight and handed over a large sum of money to my ex just to be free of her.

In less than 3 years she had blown the lot, meanwhile I have tripled my income, and am enjoying life.
Looking back it was worth every penny to get shut.

MrsTinks

My ex when we split ended up with our house and I had a lovely lot of debts... Most of which I am still paying off nearly 8 years on. I'd still say it was worth every penny. I'm married now and expecting my first child in 10 weeks and couldn't be happier - there are times when I feel angry that he's finally (after 8 years) moved into MY house with his new wife and child and I know how tiny the mortgage on that place is and then I remember how worthless he used to make me feel... no money is worth that
However if I thought for a second that he owed me money rather than screwed me over then I'd be after him in a shot... Personally... I'd be after him in small claims Nothing ventured nothing gained. After all you have paid this debt and he hasn't so I don't see why he should get off scott free

newcook

congrats on the new addition mrstine!!!

I am tempted to take him to court but at the same time I don’t want him in my life so I think I will let it lie and hope what goes around comes around. Plus it would be a hassle trying to find him etc.and I don’t want to waste any more of my time on him than I already have!

I know he only text me last night because he was feeling low and wanted some sympathy (probably split with girlfriend - he is one of these people who cant stand to be on his own and would rather be with someone he doesn’t want to be with for the sake of being with someone) so I hope my text back to him made it clear that he wasn’t going to get any from me!

bookduck

Newcook, firstly you are being played.

You do have proof he owes you money, right!?

Next text you get ask him how long it will take him to come around - that is the approximate distance from you house to his. Listen to the background and not him.

How much money are we speaking about many £1000's? If so, Mothers day is soon, so from the Sunday before till the Sunday after, prepare sandwiches and sit in your can and watch him arrive, leave and follow him - no too close Small claims, then with a bit of luck he will not pay and then ge the bailiffs to make his life hell.

If it is less than £2000, think of it as having being fined for stupidity as you did not realise you were being played, also entertaining some fool on the end of a phone that takes you for a continuous mug.

You also sound jealous/controling too, he is allowed to have a life without you being there

newcook

bookduck wrote: »

Newcook, firstly you are being played.

You do have proof he owes you money, right!?

Next text you get ask him how long it will take him to come around - that is the approximate distance from you house to his. Listen to the background and not him.

How much money are we speaking about many £1000's? If so, Mothers day is soon, so from the Sunday before till the Sunday after, prepare sandwiches and sit in your can and watch him arrive, leave and follow him - no too close Small claims, then with a bit of luck he will not pay and then ge the bailiffs to make his life hell.

If it is less than £2000, think of it as having being fined for stupidity as you did not realise you were being played, also entertaining some fool on the end of a phone that takes you for a continuous mug.

You also sound jealous/controling too, he is allowed to have a life without you being there

the only thing I am jealous of is that I have had to live like a hermit since october while he gets to go out! I am far from controlling - I just wanted him to take some responsibility for a change, to him everything is someone elses fault from his son being born (before he met me) to him being a drinker and drug taker.
his text last night was the first contact I have had since November - I honestly couldnt care less what he is doing or who with!!!

as for waiting outside his moms, knowing him he will cause a row with her a couple of days before so he doesnt have to waste precious drinking money on a card/present/phonecall/trainfare.

chatnoir

...I would get the money...itss people like that, that constantly get away with sitting on there backsides there whole life and think they should have everything handed to them...it may seem like a hassle to you, but it will be hassle for him too!! Why should he get away scott free, aslong as you don;t let it control your life I would do it. Get the ball rolling, it might only take a solictors letter for him to pay up!