Parachute fund?

likabu_2

If this account is in your name then the amount in the account should be declared if you claim anything like tax credits - which would be in both names and your partner has to sign the declaration also.

If you don't claim tax credits or anything like that then there is no real reason to let your oh know unless you really want to.

Lisa

Dill

It's fantastic that your mum's doing this for you and your sister :T

I think though as others have said, there may come a time when you have to declare any savings, etc which are in your name, so there is the possibility that it'll all come to light at some point in the future.

Would it be better for your mum to save the money but have the account in her name only?

Kimitatsu

I advise everyone to have a "parachute fund" man or woman, and yes I do tell everyone to keep it to themselves.

No matter how happy you are now, you never know what might happen in 5 years, 10 years or even 50 years. After all it may not be a marital split, it may be the sudden death of a spouse and you need the money to tide you over.

I have one of these - called my "running away fund" :rotfl: OH doesnt know about it and even if he did, its not to do with him, its a bit of money that will safeguard me and my children if anything should go wrong.

IMO telling your OH about it would probably cause more arguments than it would ever solve. After all how long before is it before it gets thrown back in an argument that you have this pot of money, and it should be used for both of you, and would you then feel obliged to use it?

One day you may be grateful for that money, and you may be glad you kept it to yourself. If nothing else it is a lovely nest egg if you never find the need to use it.

*Paris*

I think your Mum sounds like a star! I think you should respect her wishes and not mention it to your husband. As others have said, it's not money you have saved, so I don't think you would be decieving your husband by not mentionning it.

I would also mention that the first thing my dad did when my mum split up with him was to empty the bank account, and empty my child savings account! If my mum had of had a 'parachute fund' things would have been alot easier!

belfastgirl23

Janepig wrote: »

I would never expect someone to justify their opinion - it's just that I feel that the same posters urging the OP to keep it quiet, would being calling the OP's partner rotten if it turned out his mother was doing the same for him. Which I don't think is fair. And whilst I don't dispute what you say, it's a bit of a generalisation, as increasingly women are becoming equal if not higher earning breadwinners. It sounds like the OP has got a mother who would be there for her in a time of crisis, perhaps that's something the OP's partner hasn't got.

It just smacks of double standards to me.

Jxx

PS: GD is Graham_devon - my beloved and a poster in Discussion Time. His posts regularly accuse women of thinking that "all men are b@stards" (which I've been discussing with him recently :rolleyes:). Reading this thread I'd be inclined to agree with him.

The thing you have to acknowledge though is that women are much more likely to be victims of domestic violence than men. According to Amnesty International, one in four women will be a victim of domestic violence. They are likely to earn less than their husbands (according to ONS women earn on average 17% less per hour than men. This masks gross differences in salary caused by, for example part time working. Or homemaking). They are likely to need the resources to care not only for themselves but for dependent children in the event of marital breakdown. It's not man hating to say that women should retain an element of financial control, in fact statistics bear it out.

I think it's kind of idealistic to suggest that the playing field is level for men and women in this regard. And in a situation where for example the man in the household was financially dependent on his wife, I'd say yes he should have a slush fund of his own too.

Hopefully in ten years time the OP can use this money to buy something that they jointly want. But in the meantime I think it's sensible to have a little insurance policy...

Janepig

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

The thing you have to acknowledge though is that women are much more likely to be victims of domestic violence than men. According to Amnesty International, one in four women will be a victim of domestic violence. They are likely to earn less than their husbands (according to ONS women earn on average 17% less per hour than men. This masks gross differences in salary caused by, for example part time working. Or homemaking). They are likely to need the resources to care not only for themselves but for dependent children in the event of marital breakdown. It's not man hating to say that women should retain an element of financial control, in fact statistics bear it out.

I think it's kind of idealistic to suggest that the playing field is level for men and women in this regard. And in a situation where for example the man in the household was financially dependent on his wife, I'd say yes he should have a slush fund of his own too.

Hopefully in ten years time the OP can use this money to buy something that they jointly want. But in the meantime I think it's sensible to have a little insurance policy...

Personally, I couldn't give a rat's arris what stats Amnesty International or others wish to wave about. I am well versed in domestic violence, through work, and yes majority of victims are women, but some people seem to think that men can't be victims. In fact, I was in Court with someone last week who had stabbed her partner (not fatally), who had support workers and all sorts with her, you'd have sworn she was the bloody victim, and apparently it's not classed as a domestic violence incident because she stabbed him. That's equality for you eh? (Oh and before someone comes back at me about how she was probably worn down by his violence, yes it was a violent relationship, on both sides, but he had left the house and the scene of the argument - she went and got a knife and chased after him and assaulted him).

Over the years I've seen attitudes towards domestic violence change for the better - the CPS will now prosecute on the merest of evidence, even when (as happens in the vast majority of cases) the female victim will withdraw her statement and refuse to co-operate with the police. There's lots more help and assistance for DV victims than ever there was - and I'm sure there's more to be done.

But I guess this is all for a separate discussion eh? I was only thinking out loud anyway when I read the responses to the OP. Perhaps everyone who responded would be quite happy for a man to have a similar amount of money held in secret.

Jxx

whitewing

Oh what a tricky one. Was it set up before you met DH? If so, I would pretty much think of it as your mum's account, even if it is in your name and meant for you. Given her experiences I see it as healing for her, and if DH gets on well with her if ever he did find out then he should understand.

If it were set up after you and DH got together, then that may be a different matter. My DH and I just decided that he would want to know, but again would view it as more an expression of your mum's love for you and again wouldn't see it as your money. (Assume it wouldn't affect any benefits you may be on).

joannasmum

I have my safety net fund. When I told my grandfather that I was going to move in with my DP now DH I was 19. He opened an account for me and told me only to use it in a absolute emergency. DH has no idea its there and I havent told him because he would spend it. Its there to ensure that myself and dd have a roof over our heads whether that with dh or not.

Cazza

I think you shouldn't tell your OH, what would concern me is the effect something like this could have on his relationship with your Mum, as he might be concerned about the way she feels about him. You know yourself that you have no intention of ever using it for the purpose your Mum intended and that's the important thing. This isn't something you have done, it's something she has done, to make her feel she is able to look after you. I think sometimes things are on a need to know basis and telling your OH could do more harm than good.

belfastgirl23

Janepig wrote: »

Personally, I couldn't give a rat's arris what stats Amnesty International or others wish to wave about. I am well versed in domestic violence, through work, and yes majority of victims are women, but some people seem to think that men can't be victims. In fact, I was in Court with someone last week who had stabbed her partner (not fatally), who had support workers and all sorts with her, you'd have sworn she was the bloody victim, and apparently it's not classed as a domestic violence incident because she stabbed him. That's equality for you eh? (Oh and before someone comes back at me about how she was probably worn down by his violence, yes it was a violent relationship, on both sides, but he had left the house and the scene of the argument - she went and got a knife and chased after him and assaulted him).

Over the years I've seen attitudes towards domestic violence change for the better - the CPS will now prosecute on the merest of evidence, even when (as happens in the vast majority of cases) the female victim will withdraw her statement and refuse to co-operate with the police. There's lots more help and assistance for DV victims than ever there was - and I'm sure there's more to be done.

But I guess this is all for a separate discussion eh? I was only thinking out loud anyway when I read the responses to the OP. Perhaps everyone who responded would be quite happy for a man to have a similar amount of money held in secret.

Jxx

I really didn't say that men couldn't be victims of domestic violence. Nor did I (or anyone else) say that violence was acceptable when perpetrated by women against men. So I'm not really sure what point you're trying to make. Go for the big PC angle if you want, write off the statistics and deal in exceptional cases, but bear in mind the experiences of the OP's mum and her reasons for putting this money aside in the first place. And count yourself very lucky you're able to take the moral high ground, there are a lot of women and children who know from the other side what it's like to live in poverty because of marital breakdown (or to end up staying in abusive relationships because they couldn't afford to leave) and wouldn't want their daughters to go through this.

I guess we both feel passionate about this, and from my side it isn't an anti-men rant at all, there are many many good men out there. It's just recognising the balance of power in society and trying to redress it a little....