Parachute fund?

JimmyTheWig

Assuming that you are in a loving, long-term relationship (e.g. married / as good as married)...

I think you should tell your mum that you don't want to keep money in secret from your OH. You are grateful to her for putting this money aside for you, but you won't ever need it for its intended purpose.
Tell your mum that what you would really appreciate is if you could use this as an emergency fund for if you were out of work, etc. But that if your mum isn't happy with that then she can have the money back.

There's no point in having insurance for something that will never be needed to pay out.

Staciep88

What a great idea!!! I wish I had one of these accounts. Like others have said, even the most wonderful relationships can go t*ts up so don't mention it and keep it there just in case. x

blottedcopybook

Janepig wrote: »

At the risk of sounding like GD :rolleyes:, just wondering how the posters who are recommending that the OP keeps this information from her partner would react if it was the fella keeping money from her incase he needed to do a midnight flit? Just curious.

I would mention it, but say that it's just for "emergencies".

Jxx

I think for me, it's different because the OP hasn't contributed to this fund - it's been done on the part of her Mum and the fact that she experienced an abusive relationship.

Personally, I would respect your Mum's experiences and love for you and I would keep schtum about it but it could be worth reassuring your Mum that you're fine and your OH is a good person etc.

Krystaltips

I wouldn't mention it but not because I think secrets should be kept, I just feel that most men (my own husband included) would hear about it and start planning what to spend it on... I would view this as your Mum's money, just because she's saving it in your name doesn't mean it's yours...

RedBern

At the risk of sounding like GD :rolleyes:, just wondering how the posters who are recommending that the OP keeps this information from her partner would react if it was the fella keeping money from her incase he needed to do a midnight flit? Just curious.
I would mention it, but say that it's just for "emergencies".
Jxx

not sure what a GD is .... but I'm one of the posters saying keep it quiet.

Don't need to justify my opinion - but will. Generally (and yes I am generalising I know) men are in much stronger financial positions - I know a lot of women work but often this is part-time as they also look after children/home. They may have restricted pension due to this (although OP doesn't say how old she is and if she has a career or a job). For this reason, men generally have the upper hand in terms of choices. Just my thoughts.... what is a GD though?

Glitzkiss

I agree with Jimmy: if you are in a loving trusting relationship with your husband then you should tell him. Make it clear that it's an emergency fund that your mum has set up for you and that as it's her money it is her choice how it should be used.

Janepig

RedBern wrote: »

not sure what a GD is .... but I'm one of the posters saying keep it quiet.

Don't need to justify my opinion - but will. Generally (and yes I am generalising I know) men are in much stronger financial positions - I know a lot of women work but often this is part-time as they also look after children/home. They may have restricted pension due to this (although OP doesn't say how old she is and if she has a career or a job). For this reason, men generally have the upper hand in terms of choices. Just my thoughts.... what is a GD though?

I would never expect someone to justify their opinion - it's just that I feel that the same posters urging the OP to keep it quiet, would being calling the OP's partner rotten if it turned out his mother was doing the same for him. Which I don't think is fair. And whilst I don't dispute what you say, it's a bit of a generalisation, as increasingly women are becoming equal if not higher earning breadwinners. It sounds like the OP has got a mother who would be there for her in a time of crisis, perhaps that's something the OP's partner hasn't got.

It just smacks of double standards to me.

Jxx

PS: GD is Graham_devon - my beloved and a poster in Discussion Time. His posts regularly accuse women of thinking that "all men are b@stards" (which I've been discussing with him recently :rolleyes:). Reading this thread I'd be inclined to agree with him.

Skintmama

What a caring and realistic Mum you have as things do go wrong sometimes and she just wants to make sure that whatever happens you are okay. I would tell my husband but couch it in terms that if anything were to happen to him etc. etc. she wants the reassurance that you will have immediate funds available. No doubt she would not want him to think that she believes him to be potentially abusive! As suggested above make it clear that you regard this as your mum's money.
When things went wrong in my first marriage and I wanted to leave, the first thing my ex did was have my name removed from the joint account........I didn't have a penny, as I had given up work at his request. Not sure if this sort of thing would be possible now........hopefully not! I could never have imagined he would do such a thing despite all the other problems. Now I have a tiny savings in my own name which my husband knows about, even though I have no intention of going anywhere.

skylight

I wouldn't tell OH. In fact, I would forget about it. Its not really my money, it would belong to my Mum. And being in a happy/secure/non-violent relationship, then its not something that I would need.

I would also discuss it with my Mum though. And tell her that I think its a wonderful idea, I love her to bits for it (and everything else!) but its really not necessary for her intended purpose. But then I suppose it also depends on the age of OP. There is a possibility that OH and I may split in the future, or he dies, as we all know anything may happen. Who is to say in 10 years time your circumstances are greatly different?? Mums being Mums are trying to cover all eventualities I guess!

alm721

I dont think you should tell him at all and I would feel exactly the same if it were a man posting? Dont see how that makes a difference. Its nothing to do with trusting your husband but what if he decideds that you 'desperatly' need a new car or that you should have a nice holiday? Knowing its there he may feel that its your money and and that you should have it now and may unwittinglky put pressure on you to ask your mum for it. That is clearly not what your mum intended it for. I would say nothing and forget all about it, after all its your mum who has put the money by not you so its not you who are keeping it from your husband.