DFSD's motivational ramblings...

Raini

Hi DFSD, didn't want to read & run. I can only imagine how difficult a situation this is for you. I know it's hard but you need to try to rebuild your confidence. You owe it to yourself as much as your mom. She would want you to be as strong and as full as life as she is.
You are stronger than I think you give yourself credit for, you are dealing with this painful situation lovely. Hope you start to feel better hun. *hugs* x

Chocforever

DFSD

Gosh, it must be awful seeing your Mum in such pain and not being able to do anything about it. My heart goes out to you dealing with this, money worries and your own wellbeing. In my opinion, the NHS aren't very good at dealing with chronic illness (except a couple of very common ones) and things have to get serious before any action is taken.

Obviously I don't know you and I hope I am not overstepping the mark by saying this, but reading your post I am concerned that you are taking on too much stress and guilt over her health situation. Do you need to speak to someone about it? It is nothing to be ashamed of - chronic illness can be just as hard for the family of the sufferer as the person with the illness. It is in danger of limiting your life too. I don't mean for you to stop caring, but I suppose you need some coping mechanisms so you can get on with your life whilst doing what you can for your parents.

Are you in touch with any other families that have the same condition as your Mum? Their support and advice could be invaluable. Might be worth checking out if there are any forums like this for sufferers and families of that condition.

Best wishes,

CF

debtfreesomeday

Thanks to you all for you replies, I am extremely grateful for your support and suggestions. They have taken me a while to read as I have had a few tears along the way.

BOB - I love the KFP mantra and shall definitely try and remind myself of that more. Surprised to hear we are (nearly) famous too!

Raini - hugs and support much appreciated x

CF - You're not overstepping the mark at all, in fact, you've hit the nail right on the head. I do carry around a tremendous amount of guilt because I can't *fix* this and make it any better. Have done all my life for some bizarre reason. My parents (and hubby) are my world and we've nearly lost Mum so many times throughout my life that I panic and act irrationally when she is taken ill again.
Unfortunately, as you said, it is not a common condition so support and knowledge is very limited.

Sorry to bring the mood down on the boards this afternoon, I usually put on a brave face and get on with it, but today, for some reason, I am struggling.

DFSD
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Raini

Don't apologise lovely, if you can't express yourself truly on your own diary where can you?!

It's not irrational to panic & overreact if your mom is taken ill again, I think it's completely proportionate & understandable. You just have to find a way to live a happy & healthy live to, I'm sure all those that care about you want this for you to. It's not uncommon for people to want to *fix* things but you have to learn a way to cope with the things that you can't change. I know that it's much easier said than done, but anxiety, depression & stress take up so much time & energy (I'm not trying to imply that anyone chooses to do these things!). Energy that could be put into living every minute.

Don't apologise for how you feel, embrace it & find the strength to do something positive. It will help. And remember that you aren't alone - you have a wonderful partner & parents & the MSE community x

debtfreesomeday

Thanks Raini, you give good advice, and I really do need to address the way I cope with the bad times. I'm really going to try not to fall to pieces all the time and take a day at a time I think. Thanks for your support, it means a lot and has really helped. xx

debtfreesomeday

Well after a horrible few days, I've climbed back on the DFW ladder and have a clearer head!

Had a lovely day yesterday as me & hubby had the day off. Was nice to spend some time together just relaxing and went out for a meal etc., has helped us to recharge our batteries a little I think.

Hubby got paid today and also had some birthday money, and has managed to throw in an extra £30 for the monthly budget and just over £50 extra to pay off the egg card this month. That leaves the egg card balance now at £85.40 :T. He has also put away £80 in a 'new bed fund' as we are in desperate need of a new mattress / bed (we found a hole in our mattress at the weekend with a spring nearly sticking out! :eek:). We'll save a bit towards that when we can.

We sold another cd on Amazon - only for £1.30 profit or something, but it all helps. :D

DFSD

boredofbeingathome

Glad to hear you are feeling better. x

I know how it affects you though as i feel the same about my daughter, she has been in and out of hospital so many times in her life and i cope well at the time but am secretly churning inside and have a need to try and make everything ok.

I do get irrational at times now she is older, because she has to take responsibilty for herself and as mum, i find myself sidelined at times. Not quite the same but i have to try and let go whilst being there for her at the same time.

A hard balance to make, whilst debtbusting and just getting on with our lives too. Hope she is feeling better too.x

Chocforever

Hi DFSD

Pleased you had a nice day out with OH. It's good to have a change of scene. I know when I'm at home, it can be quite difficult to properly relax as in the back of my mind I start thinking about all the chores and DFW things I could be doing....

You are nearly there with the Egg card - repayment day is in sight!

Have a lovely weekend,

CF

debtfreesomeday

Thanks BOB and CF xx

Sorry to hear about your daughter BOB, hope she is doing ok presently. I can totally relate to your comment about the 'churning' inside too, I think it's the feeling of complete helplessness and not being about to control things that gets me too. Wishing you and your family lots of good health and luck from now on.
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CF - Was a lovely day thanks. We didn't go far and didn't spend much, but just having a day off from everything was wonderful, I can highly recommend it!
Weekend should hopefully be nice as catching up with some of my best friends I haven't seen for a few months - all being well of course.

Have a good 'un too x

DFSD
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wantabetterlife

Hi DFSD, I have just been catching up on your diary and just want to let you know that you are not alone and your feelings about your mum are completely normal. Three years ago my mum was diagnosed with a chronic neurological condition that had a very sudden onset which the neurologist thinks may have been caused by a virus. My mum was a completely independent woman who lived by herself and had 2 jobs. Now she lived in a wheelchair adapted bungalow and can just about manage to walk from the bedroom to the livingroom and has 4 carers a day to help with personal care, toileting and feeding. The anxiety and panic that i have felt at times is undescribable and i know it is impossible for you to explain to anyone outside the family how you feel. I am my mothers main carer, i have one brother who lives 40 miles away so i feel the most responsible. Fortunately for me i happen to be an occupational therapist so i was quite aware of all my mums entitlements to care and housing adaptations etc so i think it was a bit easier for me. Anyway sorry for rambling but my heart went out to you when i read your post and dont feel bad about putting it in your diary. Thats what were here for.xo