Please help - autism

angie_baby

Thanks for all the posts.

He is already under the speach therapists, he has been seeing them since May 06 (they have only just discovered he may have a hole in the palet and he has been refered to Guys Hospital), and yes he has seen the Ed Psysch - she is the one who has suggested moving schools. He has been refered to CAMS i believe and the EP has just refered him to the behavour outreach people as well. The last time i spoke to the EP I asked when we would see her next and she said, well what else can i do?

Jog - My DS cannot stand the noise of a classroom and often complains about the noise. But he likes loud music, can handle going to shows and racing around in a go kart with an engine right behind him. But the teacher has said that it is him making the most noise.

To be honest i dont know and dont believe he has autism as the difference between home and school is so far apart.

He loves one on one attention, which makes sense as its just me and him. But i think he has learnt that if he behaves this way at school he gets his TA all day.

BUT saying all this if is did ever turn out to be something like autism i would feel so guilty. I just dont know. I feel like the school believe he is a problem child and without a statement they wont get the finacial support they need for DS.

I just want him to enjoy school. Hes only 6

jay11_2

I've worked with many diagnosed autistic/asperger children in a number of settings, and this sounds really odd to me. A child who goes to all those activities without problems, and has no problems in a range of other settings is very unlikely to have undiagnosed autism. Believe me, you'd almost certainly know that something was wrong by now, you (or someone else) would have noticed the difference between him and the other children.

It's perhaps more possible that he has some degree of aspergers--this can be 'milder' and more easily overlooked. I'd still be surprised though. Do you think something or someone at the school has upset or scared him? Or does he have an anger problem in other situations? Can you think of any situation where he has behaved like this, it might help if you could think of 'anger triggers'. What does the childminder think?

I am obviously not saying that autism is not possible, just that the situation sounds strange. Have you asked if an experienced teacher or assistant can support him for a while to help him settle in?

angie_baby

Thanks Jay11.

I dont know anything really about autism. But as ive said i dont really believe he does. There is too much of a difference.

I think that he has learnt that when he is at school, if he behaves this way he gets what he wants, eg, he gets out off class, or he gets his own desk, or his TA has to come back, i believe it is just behavour, but no matter how much i talk to him, or take things away, or just ignore the bad and reward the good his behavour at school just doesnt change.

He has never seen me spit or throw things, or swear, so i dont know where he is copying this behavour from.

The autism idea has come from his new teacher at the begining of the year. Everytime we talk, its, well its the same as my own DS who has autism. I just dont believe there could be so much of a difference.

Before this new school year started i noticed that there was a new male teacher and asked if DS could be in his class as DS does react well to males. But the head said that moving DS into this class is not an option.

DS also works well with children a bit older rather than children his own age. The EP said its bacause he doesnt get the level of conversation he wants out of children his own age - the childminder looks after 2 other children between 8 -10 and he gets on great with them.

DS has also started to try and leave school to come home, even though he knows im not home. The school has advised that if he reaches the other side of the fence then they have no choice but to call the police. What scares me about this is he knows how to get to my work, but I work in Peckham, South London, which would mean him having to get on a train, which i believe he would if he had the chance.

The biggest problem apart from school is getting him to tidy his room, if i ask him to tidy it, and leave him alone, he will just go to sleep!!!

angie_baby

Also, with regards to anger, he is fine out of school. He once had an argument with a neighbours DS about god being his father and he got quite angry about that, but didnt spit, hit, or throw anything.

Incisor

angie_baby wrote: »

Thanks Jay11.

I dont know anything really about autism. But as ive said i dont really believe he does. There is too much of a difference.

I think that he has learnt that when he is at school, if he behaves this way he gets what he wants, eg, he gets out off class, or he gets his own desk, or his TA has to come back, i believe it is just behavour, but no matter how much i talk to him, or take things away, or just ignore the bad and reward the good his behavour at school just doesnt change.

He has never seen me spit or throw things, or swear, so i dont know where he is copying this behavour from.

The autism idea has come from his new teacher at the begining of the year. Everytime we talk, its, well its the same as my own DS who has autism. I just dont believe there could be so much of a difference.

Before this new school year started i noticed that there was a new male teacher and asked if DS could be in his class as DS does react well to males. But the head said that moving DS into this class is not an option.

DS also works well with children a bit older rather than children his own age. The EP said its bacause he doesnt get the level of conversation he wants out of children his own age - the childminder looks after 2 other children between 8 -10 and he gets on great with them.

DS has also started to try and leave school to come home, even though he knows im not home. The school has advised that if he reaches the other side of the fence then they have no choice but to call the police. What scares me about this is he knows how to get to my work, but I work in Peckham, South London, which would mean him having to get on a train, which i believe he would if he had the chance.

The biggest problem apart from school is getting him to tidy his room, if i ask him to tidy it, and leave him alone, he will just go to sleep!!!

I have no special expertise, so bear that in mind. From the rest of the thread, I doubt it is autism - don't rule it out, but don't go all out investigating that avenue, either. Take some of the behaviours and some of the incidents and just try to understand what is going on in his head and try and work it out from there - if it points to asperger's or autism, the all well and good.

But I think that the comment about the male teacher could be significant. My guess is that he doesn't have much contact with adult males and he is actually reacting to what he perceives as an over feminised environment - he can't put his finger on it, there are centres of his brain that need stimulation and they are just not getting it at school.

That's not an idea to act on - it's an idea to test out to see whether it holds water.

jay11_2

The violence, spitting, etc, is not unusual behaviour for some children with autism, but they will do it indiscriminately, in any situation that upsets or confuses them. This sounds like a bright child picking up behaviour from other's, or a child who feels out of his depth for whatever reason. You could try all the usual methods of rewards for a 'good day', this might encourage him to feel he can manage, or motivate him to try harder. There are loads of strategies you use do to support him from home /encourage him to behave well. Another possibility is that he's very bright and just bored, could this be?

I'd definitely push for a different teacher, not necessarily the male one--if he's inexperienced or not good with 'difficult' behaviour, your DS could be in a similar situation again.

Is changing schools a possibility?

angie_baby

Thanks to the people who replied.

Ive taken so long to reply cause the half term holidays were lovley!!! No problems at all. DS is back at school tomorrow and as much as i would like to think he will behave theres more chance in me winning the lottery. Twice!

Jay11
I still dont believe that DS has autism.

DS is quite bright in subjects like maths and science. He hates English, which i think is partly down to his speach. He was top in Reception and Year One with his maths, way above the average i was told by his teachers. But this year he hasnt done any work - maybe 10 pages in total. For all subjects. And because of his behavour he is rapidly falling behind.
I have tried so many rewards with DS. Eg simple things like 10p a day for good behavour, or getting to watch 30 mins of telly. It doesnt seem to faze him.

There was an incident once with the childminder, who reminded him that if he didnt behave i would take some of his toys he simply said, yeah and when im good mummy will have to give them back!

I really do not know what else to do, the school have suggested that i take him in myself and collect him, but i just cant do it, my work have been so good already, plus i cant afford to. I am struggling already.

Do i really give up work just so i can take him to and from school? I really do not want to go onto benifits. I have worked so hard to get where i am now.

Im hoping so much that DS continues with the behavour i / childminder / grandad have had this last week.

No doubt i will be on this thread again sometime over the next week. But thanks again to all the posts.

angie_baby

I really do love this forum,

Thanks Jess

Angie xx

tarajayne

What a nightmare for you, at least your not burying your head in the sand. I'm no expert, My DS is autistic though and I work one to one with a special needs child. Have you considered ADHD, not that I know much about it, just that as someone else mentioned autistic children have social problems in most situations. The fact that he happily joins other large groups seems strange but there's such a range of possibilties. We have a child in school with an odd problem so his mum insisted on seeing a consultant for a full assessment. One thing I am sure of, them that shouts loudest gets. If your sure something's wrong, annoy everyone until you get an answer.

Good Luck!

Gingham_Ribbon

My DS (6), 7 in Jan does not behave at school. He is like a different child when he gets there.

He just doesnt act like this at things like swimming, karate, his go karting lessons, or at the childminders. His social skills out of school are fine, he is quite happy to make friends or go and do something on his own.

He just says he is angry, it varies from either him not wanting to do the work or him saying its too easy. The school also agree its not that he cant do the work because he doesnt understand. Its that he choses not to do the work.

yes he has seen the Ed Psysch

Also, with regards to anger, he is fine out of school. He once had an argument with a neighbours DS about god being his father and he got quite angry about that, but didnt spit, hit, or throw anything.

I still dont believe that DS has autism.

DS is quite bright in subjects like maths and science. He hates English, which i think is partly down to his speach. He was top in Reception and Year One with his maths, way above the average i was told by his teachers. But this year he hasnt done any work - maybe 10 pages in total. For all subjects. And because of his behavour he is rapidly falling behind.

Angie, what I have to say may not make much sense, or maybe it will.

There is a very good chance that your child is not autistic. Many gifted children are incorrectly diagnosed with autism, or assumed to be autistic by teachers and other staff working with them, because there are some similar traits.

School can be painfully, depressingly boring for gifted children and they can display their upset in various ways, including bad behaviour.

You say your son isn't like this normally, which suggests to me that there's a problem with the environment he's in at school. IF your son is gifted, school has an obligation to cater for his needs as it's a recognised special need.

Please give the NAGC a call, even if it sounds like a far fetched idea of mine. The ed psych who assessed him may have had plenty of experience with children with autism, but may never have learned about the trials of giftedness and the problems associated with it. Some gifted children are also autistic or have ADHD or dyspraxia. But your son probably needs a proper assessment by someone who knows about giftedness.

Please call the NAGC. You have nothing to lose by making the call.

Children are being failed by the education system because teachers are not trained to spot or deal with giftedness. And a surprising amount of children are misdiagnosed because of a lack of knowledge. (A bit like children with dyslexia previously.) And G&T programmes aren't catering for them, because believe it or not, often the most gifted kids are the ones who aren't doing a stroke of work or coming near the bottom of the class.