Debt free social life?????

icka

Don't worry itm07 you have no reason to apologise to me. I have no right to judge people, on how they choose to spend their time or their money.

You see, I work full time in a fairly low paid job, I am in college two nights a week doing a degree, trying to better my life and at the weekend. Friday evening I drive 200 miles to coach a childrens gymnastics class and I also coach on a saturday afternoon. Then I get back in my car and drive home. I do this voluntary, and have never once got paid and never would.

The reward when you see a child get a move like a forward roll that you have thought them is worth a million pounds. They are so happy , their parents are so happy.

its good to help others and give something back to the community and to try to make a little difference, even if its for a few hours.

What I have learned from this site is everyone is different, everyones ideas of what is important to them is different. And no one has a right to judge.

I have been so lucky to meet some wonderful people on this board al of whom have given me advice, support and friendship without judgement or question. I'm just sorry I couldn't do the same and for that I'm ashamed and very sorry

moneysavingmaia

Hi there - am a lurker usually but just wanted to say thanks for the post about the 1p bowling - going with the kiddywinks in the morning for 3p !!

Glen, hope everything works out for you and your other half cheers up, even just meandering around this board has given me some great ideas for things to do with the kids this half term and it has hardly cost us anything!

(although have to say that i, for one, am a bit sick of monopoly )

Maia xx

LittleMissAspie

Tesco DVD Rental is cheap. We have the 7.99/mth option and we go through 2 films a week. We paid even less though because we bought 6 months upfront.

JES_F1

icka wrote: »

Don't worry itm07 you have no reason to apologise to me. I have no right to judge people, on how they choose to spend their time or their money.

You see, I work full time in a fairly low paid job, I am in college two nights a week doing a degree, trying to better my life and at the weekend. Friday evening I drive 200 miles to coach a childrens gymnastics class and I also coach on a saturday afternoon. Then I get back in my car and drive home. I do this voluntary, and have never once got paid and never would.

The reward when you see a child get a move like a forward roll that you have thought them is worth a million pounds. They are so happy , their parents are so happy.

its good to help others and give something back to the community and to try to make a little difference, even if its for a few hours.

What I have learned from this site is everyone is different, everyones ideas of what isimportant to them is different. And no one has a right to judge.

I have been so lucky to meet some wonderful people on this board al of whom have given me advice, support and friendship without judgement or question. I'm just sorry I couldn't do the same and for that I'm ashamed and very sorry

Sounds like you do a terrific job with the gymnastics - must be very rewarding. Don't be too hard on yourself. This is a great forum and I'm sure we all realise everyone's human! Good luck with getting debt free too.

Paige

We used to spend approx £600 per month on entertainment and as a result of this and a few too many holidays we find ourselves in debt and having to cut back.
My OH was much better at staying in than me - managing to find projects to occupy himself rather than watching TV all night whilst I just moped about feeling sorry for myself. I then realised I had to get myself motivated so I started reading again and joined read it swap it which is fantastic. Started knitting and sewing and doing puzzles. We still watch TV - but films we have recorded and want to watch.
We do all of the things with our kids that have already been mentioned. A really good idea is to do a ready steady cook evening - we pair of with one of our daughters each , set a budget, divide up the kitchen and utensils , set a time limit and present the opposite team with their ingredients - its a great laugh.
We find some of our friends in a similar position, I think everyone is trying to be careful at the moment. We do Murder Mystery evenings/games evening and share the cost of the food and drink or bring a course each. You certainly find out who your friends are. Unfortunately we have fallen out with one couple who we thought were our best friends but we have moved on now.
Good luck
Paige X

ltm07

icka wrote: »

Don't worry itm07 you have no reason to apologise to me. I have no right to judge people, on how they choose to spend their time or their money.

You see, I work full time in a fairly low paid job, I am in college two nights a week doing a degree, trying to better my life and at the weekend. Friday evening I drive 200 miles to coach a childrens gymnastics class and I also coach on a saturday afternoon. Then I get back in my car and drive home. I do this voluntary, and have never once got paid and never would.

The reward when you see a child get a move like a forward roll that you have thought them is worth a million pounds. They are so happy , their parents are so happy.

its good to help others and give something back to the community and to try to make a little difference, even if its for a few hours.

What I have learned from this site is everyone is different, everyones ideas of what is important to them is different. And no one has a right to judge.

I have been so lucky to meet some wonderful people on this board al of whom have given me advice, support and friendship without judgement or question. I'm just sorry I couldn't do the same and for that I'm ashamed and very sorry

Please don't beat yourself up about it Icka, we have all judged someone at one time or another. As for the gymnastics, that is fantastic & like you say, must be so rewarding for you to put a smile on kids faces & their parents faces. All the best to you.

ltm07

Paige wrote: »

We used to spend approx £600 per month on entertainment and as a result of this and a few too many holidays we find ourselves in debt and having to cut back.
My OH was much better at staying in than me - managing to find projects to occupy himself rather than watching TV all night whilst I just moped about feeling sorry for myself. I then realised I had to get myself motivated so I started reading again and joined read it swap it which is fantastic. Started knitting and sewing and doing puzzles. We still watch TV - but films we have recorded and want to watch.
We do all of the things with our kids that have already been mentioned. A really good idea is to do a ready steady cook evening - we pair of with one of our daughters each , set a budget, divide up the kitchen and utensils , set a time limit and present the opposite team with their ingredients - its a great laugh.
We find some of our friends in a similar position, I think everyone is trying to be careful at the moment. We do Murder Mystery evenings/games evening and share the cost of the food and drink or bring a course each. You certainly find out who your friends are. Unfortunately we have fallen out with one couple who we thought were our best friends but we have moved on now.
Good luck
Paige X

I am glad I have read posts like these, as I have gone from going football training, swimming & weight-training to doing zilch the last 2 or 3 years(apart from when I get off my fat aris to use my Brother's weights now & then). OH & I do work long hours, but we can't use that as an excuse all the time to not having any real hobbies, no wonder we get fed up! Definately going to join the local council gym on Monday with OH. It is £26 a month each but that includes swimming too, so it will give us more motivation to go as often as we can & also take DD with us. OH will probably join the workout & swim, which includes aerobics classes & the like, whilst I will join the Gym & Swim. We did start going out more often during the summer(what summer), but found we were spending £60-£80 a time so we now go out to the pub once a month at the most from now on. We too are as happy as most of you on here staying in on a Saturday night with a few drinks & also enjoy having friends & family around & going to their houses too.

sweetpeas_2

Hi Glen,

I do feel for you cos we're in the same boat and sometimes it gets me down too.

We have 2 children- 5yrs and 2yrs, and due to the amount of our debt and outgoings we can't afford to go out hardly at all.

You're very lucky if you have £200/month spare for entertainment, although if you're used to alot more I can see how that wouldn't seem alot to you and your Mrs- but it's definately alot more then most can afford.

Me and DH both have a 2nd job where we work 2/3 nights a wk, so we tend to have Friday night as our family night. I usually but something "nice" for tea like pizza/sfc box for £4 from farmfoods- which the kids love and it's alot cheaper then a take away/meal out.
We either have a "wii bash" or a nice family film while we have our tea- the kids love it and think it's a real treat. Just seeing them enjoying themselves is enough for us.

We have friends who don't have children/mortgages/debt to repay and they both work full time on very well paid jobs. They know we don't earn as much as them and come to the house every other weekend to see us and the kids and we just have a few drinks in. They don't have kids and they can afford to go out as much as they like- but they know if they want to spend time with us it has to be at home cos we don't have the same disposable income as they do. Maybe your wifes' friends would be quite understanding about the fact that you're trying to be sensible with money.

What's worse- turning down a few invites or spending the next X amount of years NEVER being able to go out because you're repaying debt due to the mess you got yourselves in by spending more then you could afford??

As someone said on here- you can get wine for about £3 a bottle and if you just have a few glasses each you can make that last 2 nights.

I'm sure you will find your way with this, hope your wife feels better soon. Please don't think I'm preaching to you- but some people don't have the luxury of such a big entertainment budget as yourselves, so you are really lucky.


Nic x

chevalier

Glen I hope you will post an update to let us know whether you have been able to incorporate any of these ideas into your social budget.

One thing you didn't say was whether you have actually TOLD your friends about the money problems. If people don't know there is a problem then they can say things that hurt. If you told them you may well find that some of them say thank heavens, now we can spend less too. Especially in the current climate.

Also you may want to think about why your OH has been hit more by this than you. Does she work? If not was going out the only time she really got out of the house? If so then that can be part of why she has is so upset about not being able to go out.

The other thing is that she maybe very down, because of the realisation having struck about how much carp you are in financially. And she is externalising this by being upset about not being able to go out. It may well be if you can make you money work harder for you, and thus get more a social life back, that she will come on board more about making changes.

best of luck
chev

FieryBlondeScot

has OP been scared away? readn his post would seemhe feels really down and under a lot of pressure from friends, wife, wifes friends and is really feelin the fact that his wife is feeling th cutbacks. think what a lot of people on here (who have all been through the same thing and had lightbulb moment) is that £600 or even £200 is a lot of money to spend on socialising or keeping up appearances or whatever, but it is also hard on a person when they do decide to cut back before they get in too much debt, and then you also have to face up to who your real friends are!! i have been through having to turn down invitations etc and people DO think your a boring cow! i used to buy a whole new outfit, get my nails done and spend spend spend on nights out ON CREDIT CARDS! did my 'friends' help me pay them off when i really got in the ****? no!!! did the friends start not even inviting me on nights out saying to each other 'oh she wont go she hasnt come out with us in ages?' yes! they SHOULD have been saying 'oh she's trying to cut back becuase shes in bigggg debt!

however having learned these harsh, horrible lessons, i then went on to find out how i could still have a social life on a budget and was pleasantly surprised that its not that terrible after all! i'm happier paying the debt off rather than spending £100 on clubbing! i went on a bit of a mad one the other week and spent £60 on a night out but i was out from 6pm-6am! even then iwas angry at spending £60!

anyway going on a bit now but hope the OP comes back and reads some of the suggestions and maybe finds a way through all of this-its a journey boy! and at least your being the man right now and saying 'this has to get sorted' - better to be bored than have the bailiffs at the door! :beer: