Debt free social life?????

Glen0000

To cut a long story short a lot of our debt is because of entertainment, nights out, concerts, trips with the family. We have cut our entertainment budget to £200 a month. This includes all family days out, nights out, alcohol etc.

My wife especially is struggling with this. She broke down last night and says she is sick of turning invitations down. She does invite her friends round occasionally, but they are the types who want to be out and so is my wife to be honest.

My wife is very down and I want to help. Basically I want some cheap ideas for family days out, nights out etc that don’t cost the earth. We used to be out 3 nights a week and at least one family day out a week. What do you do that is debt free in the evening? Our perfect evening would be a takeaway/booze/DVD and we use to do this twice a week. One night we would have a meal out and one night would be family stuff, bowling/cinema. Then most weeks my wife would have a night out with friend and twice a month I would. Most nights are now spent in from of the TV, with maybe one treat a week and this is getting boring fast!

We need some ideas!! What do you do of an evening/day that does not cost the earth? We like to be busy in the evenings/weekend, not stuck at home.


[threadbanner]box[/threadbanner]

milliemonster

Firstly, your post contradicts itself slightly, you have said that your perfect evening is a takeaway and a DVD, but then said your wife is the type who wants to be out???

Anyway, so you normally have 3 nights out a week, plus a family day out a week so that's 4 out of the 7, how old are your children?, do you use/need babysitters whilst you both go out aswell?

I think the thing is what you have to come to terms with is the fact that as you have said a lot of your debt has come from entertainment/nights out etc so you have to accept that you cannot afford the lifetsyle you have been living. You have done well reducing your entertainment budget to £200 a month (lord what were you spending before???)

Any change in lifestyle is hard, esp when it is significant. What you are obviously going to have to do is find things to do that don't cost as much but again this is going to still have an impact on how you feel (that you are missing out?)

I could suggest alsorts of things but to be honest I get the impression that most of what I would suggest you wouldn't be interested in, for example, for family things, we go swimming together (cost £10), cinema using orange wednesdays (cost £15), walking in the dales/lake district (cost nothing except petrol), I go running and am part of a running club (cost nothing), we aren't the kind of people that like to go out drinking loads and spending loads of money on bowling/takeaways anyway.

I think if you enjoy that kind of thing, then it comes at a cost, what you have to do is set a budget as you have done and if you go out for a drink with friends, take an amount of cash you have budgeted for and when you have spent it, that's it

You don't have to sit in watching TV the rest of the time, take up a hobby, do something constructive!, exercise, go for a walk, yes I guess you will think these are boring in comparison to what you are used to but the kinds of things you like to do cost money, and money you don't have, so you have to find other interests

Silverbird

£200 a month seems to be very high to me for entertainment.

Unfortunately the majority of 'out the house' entertainment is pricey, as you've discovered. However, there is entertainment that is free (or almost free) that is worth considering.

Parks, museums, car boot sales, winter/Christmas fairs, local festivals and events, walks and bike rides are all free (or nearly free) and can be a lot of fun.

Why can't your wife go out and just not drink alcohol? The cost would reduce considerably and she will still be out of the house and with her friends. If she can't consider this, then perhaps having water every other round would help. She needs to make sure she's not paying rounds with her friends as well (if she is) and just pays for her own drinks.

So your perfect night in is a takeaway, booze and a DVD? You can still do this with a bit more effort. You can make your own takeaway. Pizza is easily and very cheaply made (and lots of fun to make too) and so much nicer than any shop-bought pizzas. I made my own curry last night with a quarter of a jar of Patak's Tikka Masala curry paste from Tesco, which had been on offer for £1 at Tesco last weekend. All I had to do (instructions were on the back) was add chicken chunks (bought ready-cooked from Iceland in a large bag for £3.50 - I used about a third of the bag), water, single cream (40p from Tesco/Sainsbury's), one onion and a tin of chopped tomatoes. I cooked some rice to go with it and it was the best curry we've ever had - no joking! I reckon it cost about £3.50 maximum for the whole meal (for both of us).

Booze - OK, so you can't really make booze yourself (it would take a long time, at least!), but just make sure you look out for offers on your favourites. Check around local supermarkets for the best offers and snap them up and buy in bulk when they do. Not drinking as much will obviously help with your budget, so perhaps drinking water in between drinks will help stave off thirst and make the booze last a little longer.

DVDs. These can sometimes be cheaply found in charity shops or school fairs or in the reduced section of Tesco etc. I would advise against renting DVDs - the prices are just too high for what you get. After you've watched a bought DVD, put it on eBay to make more money to buy your next one. Another idea is to swap DVDs with trusted friends. Check the week's TV listings at the start of the week and note down any films you would want to watch and set an alarm on your mobile to remind you to record them etc.

An option which my husband and I decided to take was to buy a Cineworld annual pass. We pay about £11 per month (each) and this gets us a card and we can watch as many films at the cinema as many times as we want for a whole year. We actually saw 2 films on Sunday - one after the other! As we don't go out anywhere that costs money other than this (due to debt), we feel the expense is well justified and gives us enough entertainment and luxury to keep us from going mad.

Anything else we do outside of the home is free or almost free (long walks in the countryside, walks on the beach, bike rides, picking blackberries, visiting parks, car boot sales, fairs, local events (check your town's Council pages on the internet) etc. We spend almost every night and day in our tiny house and we keep ourselves entertained. We play video games, watch movies (DVDs from birthdays and Christmas and previous purchases), watch TV that we enjoy and have recorded previously, play board games, garden, read and eat our 'home-made' takeaways. You have to live within your means and so this is what we're doing.

It sounds like you've all gotten very used to living a very full and entertainment-orientated social life. This is fine if you have the money and want to do this, but if you're in debt because of it then - as you know - something needs to change and it may take you all, especially your wife, a good few months to adjust to such a change in circumstances. But you can still have an enjoyable social life if you're prepared to cut back on or cut out certain things. I've outlined a few above, but I'm sure there will be plenty more MSErs that will add to the list!

Glen0000

milliemonster wrote: »

I think the thing is what you have to come to terms with is the fact that as you have said a lot of your debt has come from entertainment/nights out etc so you have to accept that you cannot afford the lifetsyle you have been living. You have done well reducing your entertainment budget to £200 a month (lord what were you spending before???)

I think coming to terms is the hardest part. We were probably spending in the region of £600 a month on entertainment, more if we had a concert (concert tickets, hotel, meal etc). I am just bored silly every night, my wife even more so. last night I even went to bed at 9pm as I could not face another night in front of the TV/ PC.

Just kind of getting a feel of what people DO of an evening. Sure you can go for walks, but every night, and in winter?? At the moment we are having takeaway night and one cheap family day out a week but the rest of the time we are bored. My wife is going out just once a month, but even those few things are putting us over budget. She has had to turn down lunch with friends and a night out this weekend and she is upset.

Just need some ideas really before I go insane!!! How do you come to terms with having no social life?

skintmostofthetime

It's great to see that no one jumped on the bandwagon and said `Tough' etc etc.
Having said that I can see where she is and do sympathise - I can add my bit about booze - you CAN make your own but it takes a while and sometimes isn't as good as it could be BUT - look in Lidles/Aldis etc they have a pretty good selection of both white and red and it's usuaully about £3.00 a bottle. Ensure you save some nights to be booze free and then you'll appreciate the booze when you can have it. Or - if you're a bit of a buff and want known labels - check out the local offies - they do 3 for a tenner a lot and then HIDE 2 bottles - out of sight - out of mind - at least for a day or 2.

Another idea I have seen but not used - and I think this would tell you just who ARE your friends is a `Dutch' party. The hosts provide the booze and main course and other sets of friend provide the starters/sweets/cheeseboard or whatever you agree on. If people aren't too keen on the idea then perhaps they shouldn't be involved. You then take it in turns to be the hosts and agree somehow on a budget but if only doing this monthly it isn't such a big deal to decide on what to cook/how much to spend.

It IS tough to be saying no when you've been used to saying yes but then worrying about the debt must be worse.
I wish you lots of luck.

C

skintmostofthetime

I thought I'd add briefly that we're lucky if we have £50 some months due to other more demanding things which we know will pay off in the end but it's no fun having no money/ life/new clothes etc.

skintandscared_2

Well, Glen, people DO just sit in front of the TV or on the PC all night... Sometimes me and my OH actually TALK to each other... heh heh

I know how much it can cost just with even one night out at the local with your mates. We love our Friday nights with our friends but can easily get through £60 in a night so I know what you're saying.

Because none of us can afford to do it any more, we are each going to take turns hosting the evening at our places. Everyone will bring a bottle of wine or a few cans and we're going to have poker nights (tournament style - with a £1 buy-in so nothing expensive but there'll be a tenner or so in it for the winner ) We really enjoy each other's company but we can't keep paying for the privilege.

Can't your wife and her friends take turns in hosting the lunches?

It's a shame, but you seem to have got used to a social life that is just way beyond your means! If your wife wants to be a "lady wot lunches" she needs to think of ways to earn the money to do it!

milliemonster

You can still have a social life, we see friends a lot but we go round each others houses on an eveing sit and chat and have coffee or a bottle of wine, and to be honest, I much prefer that to going out and throwing my money into the pub's profits

Ames

I don't go out much, although a lot of that's due to my health problems.

When I do go out it's:

Book groups (2) that's one night out twice a month. One's in Starbucks so £3 for a drink, the other's in a pub but I usually drive so it's about £5. Although I'm guessing that's not going to be your cup of tea!

I do a lot of community work that takes up a few evenings a week, I'm in my tenants and residents association and other similar groups.

I love going to gigs but in the main they're local ones where I can drive or get the bus, I hardly ever pay for a hotel for one. You could see if any covers bands are playing locally, that's a good night but for a fraction of the ticket cost.

Snow_White_5

Could your wife not have her friends round for dinner or a film night? She provides the DVD/food, they bring the booze, you babysit? As for being bored every night - it must be hard to adjust if you're so used to being out all the time. There are so many things you can do though - have you thought of comedy DVDs to cheer yourselves up? You must have interests - art, music, reading, cooking, games, DIY?

skintmostofthetime

Ooops had another thought - is there a website in B'ham along the lines of Last minute.com - I paid £40 for 2 theatre tickets and a pizza in London for the 2 of us - with train fares ended being a bit more but then you take your own lunch, walk & walk & WALK then see the show, eat, walk again then go home knackered. Good day out.