I hate my life :-(

jox_2

i dont know what to do i want to die! im 23 male i was bulled at school i have no confidence sometimes im that paronid that i look weird i cannot leave the house! i dont go out ever only 2 sign on which i havent done the last month as iv felt so down now i have no money other than a overdraft iv been suffring from depresion since i was at school i was diagnosed with perthes diseise when i was 7 had two major operations i now suffer with really bad arthritous pains in my hip sometimes its that bad i cant evern move if i walk for more than 5 mins i have to stop in the middle of the street and people look at me like !!!!!! is wrong with him i have no friends i feel like im going crazy the wost thing is i look like a completly normal fit heatly 23 year old nobody belives im depresed im tht shy i just laff at anythink people think im happy but its all started 2 sink in iv hit rock bottm i dont feel i can go on much longer

ged1980

jox wrote: »

i dont know what to do i want to die! im 23 male i was bulled at school i have no confidence sometimes im that paronid that i look weird i cannot leave the house! i dont go out ever only 2 sign on which i havent done the last month as iv felt so down now i have no money other than a overdraft iv been suffring from depresion since i was at school i was diagnosed with perthes diseise when i was 7 had two major operations i now suffer with really bad arthritous pains in my hip sometimes its that bad i cant evern move if i walk for more than 5 mins i have to stop in the middle of the street and people look at me like !!!!!! is wrong with him i have no friends i feel like im going crazy the wost thing is i look like a completly normal fit heatly 23 year old nobody belives im depresed im tht shy i just laff at anythink people think im happy but its all started 2 sink in iv hit rock bottm i dont feel i can go on much longer

hi jox

im no doctor but i think you go see yours if you in so much pain and also about the way you are feeling.


what i have read from your last post is you are brave you have worked for years through that pain and that shows you have guts not many would do that but now is the time to see what help there is for you and use it thats what its there for.

As for people looking at you thats what people do m8 i know if i see someone looking at me i wonder what they thinking about me but then i let it go you are you and just as good as the next person no one is better trust me you not alone here most people wonder what people think or say about them but at end of day cant hurt you so please leave house even if only to jsa and to your doctor and tell doc everything


your ok m8 like i said you strong it might not feel like it but you are

jox_2

i seen my doc last year and he refferd me to a specialist who told me i will need a hip replacement at sometime but as im so young they dont want to do it yet as a new hip will only last so manny years he said try and cope until it becomes unbareable and you really need it my hip is always in pain but not really bad pain 24/7 i can walk around ok sometimes but if i stand up for too long or walk it will all start i get sharp shooting pains run down my leg that can last for well over an hour i really dont want the op yet i feel im too young not to work i want nothing more to work but iv put up with it so long and its gotten worse now to the point i cant work without ending up in agony im so frustrated i dont know what to do can i claim benifits jsa just isnt enough i feel like people will think im trying to scam money because i dont want to work and if i get examined on a good day the doc will think hes fines but im not lying i just want to cry!

ged1980

jox wrote: »

i seen my doc last year and he refferd me to a specialist who told me i will need a hip replacement at sometime but as im so young they dont want to do it yet as a new hip will only last so manny years he said try and cope until it becomes unbareable and you really need it my hip is always in pain but not really bad pain 24/7 i can walk around ok sometimes but if i stand up for too long or walk it will all start i get sharp shooting pains run down my leg that can last for well over an hour i really dont want the op yet i feel im too young not to work i want nothing more to work but iv put up with it so long and its gotten worse now to the point i cant work without ending up in agony im so frustrated i dont know what to do can i claim benifits jsa just isnt enough i feel like people will think im trying to scam money because i dont want to work and if i get examined on a good day the doc will think hes fines but im not lying i just want to cry!

you have said it yourself jox


doc has said you are in pain but its your age because hip only lasts so long but the point is you are in pain

No i dont think no one will think your trying to scam money you worked right up to the last second with your pain but time has come now where the pain is to much and its also affecting your health in other ways


you do need to go see your doctor again thats important tell him/her everything not just about hip but way you are feeling thats your first call


as for your money are you in IB? if so you may be able to get other benefits

Im not sure if you are just not working and claming JSA or if they know you are sick if they do and your on IB there is other benefits you can apply for

madrhino

Hello Jox

First of all I would say try not to panic and get yourself worked up.

It is always in the middle of the night when things get on top of you and all your problems seem magnified, I talk from experience.

You were bullied at school. Although that will have a psychological affect on you, it was years ago. You need to take steps to try to get past that and not LET it hold you back, otherwise the bullying is just continuing in their absence. Maybe counselling will help. I know it sounds like a cliche, but bullies are usually weak people that need people around them to make them feel strong, and they need to try and get control over others. Bullying is just an easy way to try and make themselves fel better. I personally can't stand bullies!
I'm sorry, I don't know what perthes disease is, but from your descriptions of how you feel depressed and housebound and how your physical health is, it sound to me that you need (for the moment anyway) to be signed off sick and not have the added stress of trying to explain what you've been doing every 2 weeks at the job centre. This will give you space to try and sort yourself out. You NEED to go to your doctors ASAP. Explaine all your physical symptoms and your emotional ones, tell them that you feel suicidal, don't hold anything back. Ask to be referred for counselling or to a pyschologist. If that doctor doesn't take you seriously, go to another one. Explain at the job centre that you are ill and ask them what you need to do to be signed off sick.
If (as you say) you have no friends around you I think counselling is extremely important, as everything you are feelin you will be bottling up. You need a place to talk about it.
What you are imagining people around you are think is most likely just in your imagination. Anxiety will make your paranoia worse. It doesn't matter what people you don't know think anyway, you need to concentrate on getting better.
Once you are starting to feel a little better within yourself then think about making friends. Maybe try course such as Kung FU/tai chi (which will give your more confidence and help with your physical health. I know money is an issue when you are on benefits, but there are always courses that you can do for free or reduced rates, try local colleges and leisure centres. There are also groups that are for purely people to socialise and meet other people. The IVC is a national group, with groups all over the UK.
Just hang on in there. It feels horrible at the moment, but it will get better.
Make plans of things that you want to do and take steps to make things better.
When you've hit rock bottom it's only up from there

kompess

http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/27000664/

Im sorry about your disease and feeling of no self worth but I really do think you need to see your GP again. Maybe a life skills course will help you or counselling of some sort.

I sincerely hope you get the treatment you need and things start looking up for you.

Stay strong my friend, big hugs xoxoxo

septemberblues

Hello Jox, hope you are feeling a bit better today. Go to your doctor asap, if you can't get an appointment tell them it's an emergency (which it is if you want to die), and tell your doctor exactly how you feel. If you find it hard to say how bad you feel, print out what you have said to us, and give that to the doctor. You need to be signed off JSA and go onto Incapacity Benefit as you are obviously not fit to work at this moment in time.

Hang on in there and keep safe.

Jenn85

Big Hugs and Kisses Jox, your not alone we are all here for you, always here if you ever need to talk, I think Septemberblues is right i'd make an appoinment to see your Dr, I can understand that your feeling this way at the moment, but please don't let the bullies win, they are just sad in there own life and thats why they do it.

Your are entitled to benefits as much as the next person, at the end of the day the benefits system is there for when people need it and plus at least you've contributed to it many never have and never will, just think of it as your claiming back the tax you've paid over the years.

jox_2

thank you for the replys the have made me feel a bit better and have givern me some hope its all just been getting too much lately im only 23 but im not getting any younger its like i cant plan my life i cant do the things i want to do due to my disabilty its out of my control and it hurts i dont want to have to claim benifits i always wanted do do something with my life the only thing i can see my self been capable of doing is working from home but at this moment in time i dont know what to do my health is more important rite now my hip was the main thing but now im not mentaly well iv started having panic attacks havent had one for a few months i think they mightbe passing i can controll them when i feel them coming on been on jsa £45 a week has made my depression evern worse all i do now is think 24/7 i ask my self whats the point in life why are we here we aint here to claim benifits i feel guilty but iv got to the point wherei think its not fair i dont know anythink about benifits other than jsa which is pointless me being on as im not seeking work as its pointless been in pain everyday i cant ask my boss to sit down every half an hour for an hour evern so i shouldent have to take brakes because im in pain..im going to go and see my doctor if i can build up the courage and just tell him exatcly how how im feeling and what kind of pain im in what benifit sshould i apply for and how long dose it take to sort out i live on my own i dont see my faminly often they know i have problems with my leg but they have absolutly no idea how depressed i am i dont want to tell them because i know they will worry about me which i dont want.

1sue23

Hello Jox,

I am sorry you are feeling so low, it can be really, really horrid feeling like that. I would probably say the same as other people, you really need to go and see your doctor and tell him how you are feeling. He might offer you therapy or something, believe me, I have been there and I still am there sometimes. But after seeing a psychiatrist I am starting to believe in life again.

Please don't feel like you can't go on, you are young and there is hope. The worst thing about feeling so low is being on your own, I know you probably don't wanna hear it hun, especially if you have been bullied in the past but being round people is sometimes the best thing. Not everyone is like those bullies, there are people out there who care and who do want to be a friend to you. Don't let them defeat you, they were just little people with nothing better to do with their time.

I read that you are in pain with your hip and things, is there any way you can get out at all? Have you thought about going to college or anything else? If you are disabled they can offer you a lot of help with getting round and they can also offer financial help.......

If you need to talk further PM me, but take care of yourself. Em x

Ps: I am posting on my Mums ID, cause I forgot to log her out..........but she will pass any messages onto me

tanith

Hi Jox sorry to hear your in so much pain... I have had a Hip-replacement so I know how much pain it can cause... but I agree with everyone else you really need to tell your doctor how this is affecting you...
Also it might be possible for you to claim Incapacity Benefit as you really can't work... I had to claim this because of my arthritis... have a look at the benefit board... I think there is info there about IB...