Father spending all our money...

Glad

Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: I’ve asked Board Guides to move threads if they’ll receive a better response elsewhere (please see this rule) so this post/thread has been moved to another board, where it should get more replies. If you have any questions about this policy please email [EMAIL="abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]!!!!!![/EMAIL]

milliemonster

I really feel for you as this is obviously a very difficult situation, I know the obvious thing to say is to tell your mum not to give him much money (just pocket money say) but if he has got credit cards, he will just spend on those and they will end up in a worse situation.

It sounds like, if her has been this way all his life, he really isn't going to change now and instead your mum is going to have to try and manage his spending the best she can.

Can she take the credit cards off him?, can he get a part time job himself? to keep him busy so he isn't out spending?, your mum is going to have to now take charge of him and his spending to try to control his behaviour.

I'm sorry I can't offer any other advice at the moment

MrsTinks

Ok... you have your terminology mixed up but you've got the gist of things - you are only financially LINKED to him if you have any joint financial products with him. That means a joint bank account, joint mortgage or other financial/credit product.
Your mum - needs to have a serious chat to her husband and if possible with your support. IF he keeps overspending it could cost them the house if he is on the property deeds... I don't know if he is if the mortgage is in her name only?
Otherwise she needs to ensure that all joint credit products with him are stopped and individual accounts taken out by both. That way any mess he gets himself into with credit cards etc will not directly affect her and her credit rating and will mean that ultimately he can't cost them their home - and then SHE needs to stop giving him any money. And whatever she does she mustn't take out any credit to bail him out in any way shape or form again!

getting-sorted-sarah

Someone mentioned benefits - the relevant one would be Pension Credit (for a man over 60 not yet claiming his State Pension, he cannot claim Job Seekers Allowance over the age of 60) but this is means tested and the application would look at their income as a couple, so if Mum has more than a very part time job there is unlikely to be any payment due.

If Mum is paying all the bills, mortgage, petrol and groceries, £80 a month is plenty pocket money for him to have - I'd ask him how he is going to pay his credit cards out of that.

Horace

My suggestion echoes the sentiments of other posters - your mum needs to open her own bank account (no joint accounts, just one for her). She needs to pay her wages into that account, by all means transfer some money to another account to pay the bills. Plus she needs to stop giving him money.

He is an adult - let him spend all his money but just make sure that your mum keeps all her money separate from his.

I can see that you are worried but I am also wondering if you are worried about your inheritance?

ceridwen

I dont think that comment about the inheritance was called for.

Its justification enough to be concerned about the effect this selfish man is having on the O.P.'s mother - because she is the one unfortunate enough to have married him.

Ultimately - all O.P. can do is keep advising his mother to keep all her financial affairs totally separate from this selfish husband of hers and not give him any money. She obviously needs to contact credit card providers to try and get those credit cards taken off him and stop him being given any more - should possibly be a bit easier in the current economic climate hopefully.

If I were O.P.'s mother - then it would be worth her contacting a Citizens Advice Bureau to see how to deal with this man - bar the obvious route of divorcing him. It is a problem if she stays with him - as he's obviously going down a very sticky road financially - and, if she stays with him, he might well drag her down with him.

I would be very concerned myself if my father was acting like that towards my mother - just for her sake. I do find this man's attitude very difficult to understand - as my own father has always given every penny he earned to my mother and put his family first.

I cant honestly see how this man can love his wife at all to put her at such financial risk - even if he is willing to live so "dangerously" himself - so, in those circumstances, I would be crossing fingers hoping she will see this and, from that, take the obvious step of divorcing him. Its totally pointless - as well as dangerous - to stay with someone who shows so little regard for your welfare.