Father spending all our money...

wibbler

I have a father who earned a lot of money in his time - and also spent it all! My mother and I have never been able to change his spending habits, and now, at the age of 63, they are both semi-retired with little money. My dad has no income except a very small pension (£80 a month). My mum has a job for 3 days a week, earning what she can - and I help out when I can, but don't live there - but my dad continues to spend her hard-earned cash constantly. He has a £700 overdraft, and has recently opened 2 new credit cards. He takes himself out to a pub lunch every single day, and only buys from Waitrose. He won't talk about money, and is a very strong-minded man.
Does anyone have any bright ideas as to how to stop him spending, when he doesn't see why he should?! My plan is for us to become financially independent of him, and then let him financially "hang" himself...

McKneff

does he have any income of his own. You say mum works and you help out
is this because you live at home and you pay board and lodge. We need more info if you wish us to help.

wibbler

Hi anniehanlon,

Thanks for the reply! I will update the top post, but to answer you:
- He has no income of his own, and relies on a very small pension and my mum's income.
- No, I don't live at home but I contribute because I want to help them with their mortgage. As they are 63 they cannot add or extend their mortgage any more than they have done.

LittleVoice

How do you think you and your mum can become financially independent of him? The mortgage is the problem as it will have been in joint names and, unless it is redeemed, it will alway be a charge against your mother. How much capital is outstanding? Do you envisage being able to pay this off in the shorter term? How much longer does it have to run if not paid off early?

Any

How did he manage to get credit card if he is a pensioner and has no income?
What does your mum say?
Your above thread suggests that she gives him money - otherwise on £80 a week he wouldn't be able to have all the luxuries you are naming.
Does your mum also want to change his habits?? Or is it just you who sees the wrong being done to her and want to change it? Because unless she stops giving him the money you are never going to achieve anything...
Your plan is to become financially independent of him... are you dependent now? When he gets £80 a week? You said he spends more then he gets..

CLLC

Hi sorry to contradict your post but i think she said £80 a MONTH

Sorry

wibbler

LittleVoice - I believe I can look at our credit report, and if there's anything on there that ties me to him (I used to live with my parents, and shared payments to ISPs etc) I can request to be financially independent (legally) from him. The mortgage is indeed an issue, I will ask my mum about that. I think it's not a joint mortgage though, as my dad wasn't working at the time.

Any - He worked for about 9 months until approx 3 months ago, and he applied for the cards at that time. And he's not quite a pensioner yet!
My mum doesn't know what to do, which is why she's revealed it all to me! She does give him money to buy petrol/get groceries while she is busy at work. The trouble is that he spends that on unneccessary things and daily pub lunches, so she then has to pay again for the petrol etc... I'm of course advising her to stop giving him money, and she is coming round to the idea...!

margaretclare

How did he manage to get credit card if he is a pensioner and has no income?

He probably told them he does have an income.

Being a pensioner is not, of itself, a bar to getting a credit card.

McKneff

why has he no income, he is under retirmement age (63) so should be getting something in benefits. Or is he not telling anyone he is receiving them.

Errata

Sounds like your mum is actually helping him to spend her money. If she stops giving him money for petrol and groceries he can't spend it on other things.
Could she try filling the car up and doing the food shop herself ?

LittleVoice

wibbler wrote: »

LittleVoice - I believe I can look at our credit report, and if there's anything on there that ties me to him (I used to live with my parents, and shared payments to ISPs etc) I can request to be financially independent (legally) from him. The mortgage is indeed an issue, I will ask my mum about that. I think it's not a joint mortgage though, as my dad wasn't working at the time.

If the mortgage is in your mother's name only then I suspect that the house itself will be in some way in joint names. Divorce (or legal separation) looks like the only clear way of your mother becoming independent of him on the financial side. Is that a step too far?

You clearly can be independent, it is your mother who is in the worse situation.

Sorry I can't offer advice on other ways of freeing yourself.