Daughter going to stay with her Dad - advice needed

flossy_splodge

Don't allow yourself to feel it's your fault, it's NOT. I still feel like that, after being divorced for years and I think the problem is that you never get ACKNOWLEDGED for all that you've done. If you could feel that someone, somewhere gave you credit for how hard you've tried then it would be possible to be less bitter. I have found that the only one who can help me with that is ME! I need to value the fact that I've always put my children first, given them the best I could whilst not spoiling them, have always been the one that had to offer the discipline and hence be the 'unpleasant' parent but I KNOW that they are what they are today thanks to ME. Not HIM. ME. So every day I tell myself that I value me and that's a start. So how about I tell you that I shall value what you've done. If you value you too, then that's two people who DO know how very hard you've worked. And NEVER EVER believe it was a waste or you've tried to no good effect. It ALL comes out in the wash. Never known it not to be the case that what goes round comes round. This stops me feeling vengeful. Hope it might work for you too! Keep on doing what you're doing.:T xx

karen_newcastle

Flossy you really made me feel so emotional when I read you post. I think you really understand how I feel. You are right - I do need to give myself credit for the last 16 years and despite her typical selfish teenage behaviour I am so proud of her. My parents are very supportive and they tell me I've done a good job with her and they also think I am doing the right thing by letting her go and live with her Dad. They think that she will get a wake up call and realise that a lot of what she doesn't like about her life is actually caused by her behaviour in the first place. Maybe I can then start to claw back some fun in our relationship without the drudgery of everyday life getting in the way.

I am going to do what you say and remind myself everyday that I did good!

Thank Flossy - and everyone else - your comments have really helped xxxx

Mr_Green_Genes

Karen, I'm sorry if my hand in it going a bit off topic last night didn't help you; that wasn't the intention, it just sort of happened. I'd blame Loopy Girl's thighs but frankly they got me in enough trouble yesterday so I guess I'd better steer clear of them for now.

The serious point about all this is actually about what your daughter wants to do just now. I have absolutely no doubt at all that you've have done a good job (no, a seriously brilliant job) because you recognise that this is something that she thinks she needs to do and you are letting her do it. As all parents know, sometimes you just have to allow the children to go and do what they think is the right thing to do, even if you have your doubts - otherwise how can they learn any valuable lessons?

Karen, you are completely right, you did good, never forget it.

SuziQ

karen_newcastle wrote: »

Thank you to EVERYONE for the support you brought tears to my eyes.

My ex is now saying its not convenient at the moment for her to move in and when I suggested I would like this sorted sooner rather than later he accused me of wanted to dump her asap!! That really upset me but I am not lowering myself to his level and getting into an emotional arguement. Kids have a habit of being inconvenient! He'll soon find this out!

Annie - i know wallsend, I am from Kingston Park. I'll keep you all updated, thanks again xxxxxxx

This happened to me and my daughter last year. She didn't want to be around her stepdad-they had a faling out over insults she put about him on her blog,he and I were coming to the end anyway and have since split. She told her dad how unhappy she was he (who has never paid CM and comes and goes as he pleases) gave me hell and told her to go an live with him. She went off with a bag one saturday morning,but was back by 7pm very upset as he had decided it would curb his lifestyle and had persuaded her to come home. I shouldn't complain as he did me a favour but he did it in such a way she felt rejected poor kid. It did open dialogue between us though and made me think about my marriage-it took me a further 6 months to get out of it but it decided me as my kids always have to come first.

Parenting is so hard,as we all know,truth is she is very sure of you to risk going to an unknown quantity-she obviously knows the door to your home will always be open to her. Hope things stay stable for you.

karen_newcastle

Thanks Mr Green and SuziQ. I thought long and hard about posting something so personal on here but I am glad I did as the support has been invaluable x

moonsharp_2

anniehanlon wrote: »

he'll probably be glad to see the back of her (sorry, i mean that in the nicest possible way) You must have been doing things right for her to be doing A levels, she must be an intelligent girl and she should be grateful for that too many single parents are lambasted for just that (i mean just being a single parent). You should be really pround of yourself and she should be proud of you too.
i'm about to have a glass of wine, join me:beer:

Keep us posted

The grass always seem greener on the other side. Let her taste it, she will work out for herself where she is best off. You have the greater bond after all these years and that will always stand you in good stead. I know it is hard and financial matters always complicate situations, but I agree you should try and use the time to have some quality time for yourself. Try not to worry about her, from what you say she knows you will be there for her.

moonsharp_2

karen_newcastle wrote: »

Thank you to EVERYONE for the support you brought tears to my eyes.

My ex is now saying its not convenient at the moment for her to move in and when I suggested I would like this sorted sooner rather than later he accused me of wanted to dump her asap!! That really upset me but I am not lowering myself to his level and getting into an emotional arguement. Kids have a habit of being inconvenient! He'll soon find this out!

Annie - i know wallsend, I am from Kingston Park. I'll keep you all updated, thanks again xxxxxxx

I was born in Consett, lived in Newcastle until I married, that was 34 years ago. (I have been fortunate to have a great and supportive husband. I wish everyone could have such a supportive partner.

My family still live in Newcastle. My brother and sister (different streets though) live near the Duke of Wellington pub, not that far from Kingston Park.
small world!!! Kids are inconvenient, but we love them. I have looked after my grandchildren for about ten hours today, hard work, but I love them to pieces. Dreading those teenage years. I worry enough about my teenage nephews and nieces. The boys are more trouble than the girls though.
Try not to feel too upset. I hope you have relatives and friends that know your situation and can share this problem with you.

enemes

big_gay_kirk wrote: »

all i was told at school was man goes on top, woman beneath.. so i bought bunk beds.....

If only I had! Then I would never have been in this forum in the first place ... bunk beds don't burst, do they?

Mr_Green_Genes

enemes wrote: »

If only I had! Then I would never have been in this forum in the first place ... bunk beds don't burst, do they?

I suppose it depends on what your doing in them really, doesn't it?

Sensemaya

Mr_Green_Genes wrote: »

I haven't been seized upon for a while now.

And who was the last one to seize you?

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Another bargain...

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:beer: