Daughter going to stay with her Dad - advice needed

karen_newcastle

My 16 year daughter is unhappy at home (is sick of my nagging her to tidy her room up etc!) and has decided she want to go and stay with her Dad for a while. He has recently moved near us after living about 150 miles away and seeing her once a month. Relationships between myself and ex are strained and I am gutted she is moving out.

For the first 3 years of my daughters life my ex paid nothing. Then he eventually lost the fight with the CSA and I agreed to write off thousands of pounds and he began paying £20 per week which he paid for the next 10 years. This was direct to me and after I asked him to up his payments - he refused so I went to the CSA again who assessed him at £37 per week.

Anyway I need to know what happens now? She is only going to stay for a couple of months to see if it works out (she has not lived with him before as we split up when she was 9 months old). I have told him not to pay me maintenance but he is tells me he is 'taking me for everything' now and going to the CSA. I don't mind this so much if we decide to make it permanent as it's only fair but what about the next few months while it's temporary? I still get the Child Benefit so can he claim?

McKneff

doesnt she think her dad will expect her to tidy her room etc.
She will prbablly be back in three months with her tail between her legs
so to speak.

Dont understand why ex is being so nasty, is your daughter still in full time education. in anycase let him do his worst and dont worry about it.
He can only take you for as much as the CSA says which wont be a great
deal as she is A is just staying a couple of months or B will be out of full time education within 2 years.

She'd get a shock in a couple of months if you said you didn't want her back.

karen_newcastle

Thanks for the support Annie - I too hope she will come back soon. She has lots of quality time with her Dad at the moment but soon as reality hits home she will see it's not too bad here after all!

Yes daughter in full time education - just started A levels. I just think it all stinks as ex refused to pay the correct amount for almost 16 years yet before she has even moved in he is insisting I pay. funny how he has a different opinion now the boot's on the other foot.

As I am still the parent getting child benefit can he actually claim?

kelloggs36

He will have a fight on his hands if he tries to claim via CSA if you still get the child benefit. YOu need to check the rules for claiming that though - I think it is a period of 8 weeks where you can continue to claim if her move is a temporary one but check them out. If that is the case and she returns, then he won't be able to claim.

karen_newcastle

kelloggs36 wrote: »

He will have a fight on his hands if he tries to claim via CSA if you still get the child benefit. YOu need to check the rules for claiming that though - I think it is a period of 8 weeks where you can continue to claim if her move is a temporary one but check them out. If that is the case and she returns, then he won't be able to claim.

Thanks Kelloggs - this is exactly what I wanted to know. I think I will ring them on Monday and ask. If she decides to live there permanently then I am happy to be assessed as normal. Well maybe 'happy' is not the right word :rotfl:

McKneff

I can see that you want her to come home, in the meantime enjoy the peace and quiet, enjoy not having to nag and pamper yourself now and again.
Have a night out with the girls now and again too.
let us know how you get on

karen_newcastle

anniehanlon wrote: »

I can see that you want her to come home, in the meantime enjoy the peace and quiet, enjoy not having to nag and pamper yourself now and again.
Have a night out with the girls now and againg.
let us know how you get on

I am sure there are positives I just need to get my head around it. After 16 years of being a mum (14 of them as a single parent) I am really upset about it.

but you are right - let her Dad do the nagging, running around after her worrying about where she is for a bit!

torikate

I don't have any advise but just wanted to offer you my support.
When I was 15 my Mum passed away and I had the choice of living with my wonderful Nan who did/does everything I could possibly need or my Dad who I had see for a max 7 hours a week for the past 11 yrs. I chose my Dad. As much as I love my Dad I didn't like the transition from 'being my friend' Dad to Dad. And He didn't like the transition from daughter he saw a few hours a week and could keep happy by watching tv to always there daughter that actually needed things. After 2 months I wanted to go back to my Nan.
I know this isn't much comfort to you know but from my experience, when she realises how good she has it with you she will be back!
Sorry I can't be much help, Good luck!
Tori x

McKneff

he'll probably be glad to see the back of her (sorry, i mean that in the nicest possible way) You must have been doing things right for her to be doing A levels, she must be an intelligent girl and she should be grateful for that too many single parents are lambasted for just that (i mean just being a single parent). You should be really pround of yourself and she should be proud of you too.
i'm about to have a glass of wine, join me:beer:

Keep us posted

enemes

As hard as it might be on you just now, I think you have to accept that what is happening is a positive thing for your daughter. All she is doing is expanding her boundries, only natural for someone of her age. She has to find these things out for herself.

Just sit back (ok, you are going to worry yourself to death) and let both her and her dad find out some home truths. It may be the hardest few weeks of your life to come, but I am sure it will be the most telling, for the many years to come.

Asa ToriKate says, she will realise pretty soon who the 'real' parent is, and who the false 'friend' is.

McKneff

torikate wrote: »

I don't have any advise but just wanted to offer you my support.
When I was 15 my Mum passed away and I had the choice of living with my wonderful Nan who did/does everything I could possibly need or my Dad who I had see for a max 7 hours a week for the past 11 yrs. I chose my Dad. As much as I love my Dad I didn't like the transition from 'being my friend' Dad to Dad. And He didn't like the transition from daughter he saw a few hours a week and could keep happy by watching tv to always there daughter that actually needed things. After 2 months I wanted to go back to my Nan.
I know this isn't much comfort to you know but from my experience, when she realises how good she has it with you she will be back!
Sorry I can't be much help, Good luck!
Tori x

i think that's probably been a big help.