Are we as a society basically broken?

mr_magoo_5

IMO, its divide and rule working to its sad max.
The British are extremely experienced and have used it over centuries. Even this board plays its part, as can be seen by some of the heated debates!
I remember I used to visit friends in Northern Ireland, mid eighties, on my own, against all advice from friends and family.
I had a Catholic friend living on a highly charged Protestant estate in Belfast.
And a Protestant, ex army, farmer, who lived in South Armagh, Bandit Country as it was known. Both lived very difficult and dangerous lives.
As an Englishman, they took my security seriously and even had guys follow me so as I was not on my own. It turned out, that Englishmen just didn’t do trips to Northern Ireland. I was an unwitting celebrity and many people wished to tell me their experiences and to encourage others to visit. Also I became well respected and a friend that enhanced their standing within their communities, I never envisaged this but it gave me an idea, to get them to meet. We all arranged to meet in a neutralish area of Belfast, to have a beer or two!
They got on fine, beers a good leveler, and realized they were the same, had wife, children, house, worked for a living, and enjoyed a beer, no two headed monsters here!
I then took it a step further and requested that, as this crazy Englishman has come here
to visit you, could you do something for me?
I told them I would like to visit Giants Causeway whilst I’m here, would you come along?
After a short reluctance, and prompting from me, that it’s a tourist site, for Gods sake! , they agreed and the next day we went.
Now, they thank me for the experience and said they would have never in a million years, visited such a place (tourist site!) because of fear and intimidation, but have now been back with their families. I never intended anything to come of my visits as they were purely social, this was such a bonus.


So the moral of my story is, yes, the system has broken down, but with persistence, and the recognition that things can be different within the community, it could be much better.
Unfortunately, Governments like to keep us divided, so it’s down to us.

Pssst

Yes "society" is broken and has been for years.

I have worked in a public facing job for over 20 years and so i can speak with some knowledge on the subject.

There is a silent majority in this country who are still decent people but unfortunately,the chavs,feral,!!!!less and useless have taken over.

I subscribe to the Thatcher point of view that.."There is no such thing as society"

Id go further and say that generally,there is no such thing as "community"

True the media and chattering Guardian reading classes insist on inventing communities but in reality,they no longer exist. We shut our front doors and get on with our own lives.

There is,i beleive,a direct corollation between population density and quality of life.
Britain is over crowded and has a disproportionate number of the feral,!!!!less and useless whilst the silent minorty work hard to keep the whole thing afloat.

But nothing will change unless people disregard two party politics and vote for something more radical..

carolt

What do you suggest we vote for, Pssst?

SingleSue

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Does their father not have contact, do you not get a break then?

Nope, he moved 400 miles away and pleads inability to cope with the children, he last had them in May for 2 days and that was the first time since summer 2006, I have no idea when he is next planning on having them as everytime I ask he comes up with one excuse or another.

Unfortunately, absent fathers/mothers who want custody can fight for it through the courts but those parents who would rather enjoy the easier life of going out or away without children cannot be forced to see their children.

neverdespairgirl

Pssst wrote: »

True the media and chattering Guardian reading classes insist on inventing communities but in reality,they no longer exist. We shut our front doors and get on with our own lives.

Speak for yourself. When I walk the less than 5 minutes to Chambers, I must stop to say hello to at least 10 - 15 people. I know our neighbours, and get on well wtih them.

That's not just me, that's life for pretty much everyone I know.

neverdespairgirl

SingleSue wrote: »

Unfortunately, absent fathers/mothers who want custody can fight for it through the courts but those parents who would rather enjoy the easier life of going out or away without children cannot be forced to see their children.

How very weird. I can't imagine seeing my son once in a blue moon.

treliac

SingleSue wrote: »

Haven't looked into respite for the last year or so as I gave up the battle after a rather horrendous battle with social services over 2 years ago where they really put me through the ringer and at the end of it all (once my confidence was zero and I felt broken as a person) they turned around and said what a wonderful person and parent I was and would I like to run a support group for others who had children with autism! :mad:

So I have no respite, no breaks and can't even get out to the pub or meet up with friends even once a month (just about manage once a year) without the children being present...so not a fun life really and one which makes me desperate to escape into work (even though financially I would probably be worse off) just for adult conversation and something outside of the home.

As for childcare while I work, the one thing social services did do was to check around the local childminders (for respite mainly at that point) but got big fat no's from all of them. I check every 4 months or so to see if they have changed their minds...still with a big fat no in reply and this is despite them advertising they take on special needs!

You do have rights under the Carers (Equal Opportunities) Act http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/CarersRights/DG_4018108 although I know it can be difficult to fight for your rights.

Have you approached Crossroads http://www.crossroads.org.uk/ for some assistance with a sitting service? They should have a branch local to you and also be able to point in the right direction for other support.

In case it's relevant, have you been in contact with http://www.nas.org.uk/ ?

There must be more out there for you. Many areas have a voluntary carers organisation as well. It may seem like such hard work to get somewhere that it's easier to accept the current situation but if you could break through a few barriers, it should get easier. CAB might be worth contacting too.

Max_Headroom_3

SingleSue wrote: »

Nope, he moved 400 miles away and pleads inability to cope with the children, he last had them in May for 2 days and that was the first time since summer 2006, I have no idea when he is next planning on having them as everytime I ask he comes up with one excuse or another.

Unfortunately, absent fathers/mothers who want custody can fight for it through the courts but those parents who would rather enjoy the easier life of going out or away without children cannot be forced to see their children.

Sue, you should try banning him from seeing them. You might be surprised how quickly he "demands his rights" to regular access, visits etc.