Update on partner moving in

sarah1980

missstropy wrote: »

I think it works out as £187.00 CTC, but will have to wait and see. Have usually got half of xmas pressies done and dusted and put in loft by now, its doing my head in having no money.

Christmas is the least of your worries. Seriously, I bet most people are going to have a "lean" Christmas (me included). I know when you have children it's easy to feel terribly guilty if you can't give them what they want, but they are children - they will have forgotten all about it by New Year!

As for everyone else, I have a large family (6 siblings, 3 nieces, 1 nephew and that's just my side) and we have a rule that we don't buy each other Christmas presents, the expense is just too stressful. Instead we save our money and take the kids to a panto or something, but TBH we may not even be able to afford that this year.

Without being funny, as a child I was very spoiled at Christmas, my parents were v well off and it never did me any good - look at me now, I'm rubbish at budgeting!!

stef240377

I were in a very similar situation to you accept my partner is now disabled - was working ft when i met him.

We put off moving in together for almost a year as he were/still is going through a divorce. We wanted to wait until he had gotten the divorce finalised and money from sale of house sorted - fat chance of that its still ongoing.

Anyway things got to a head for us when he were taken ill in April and had to move in as his parents couldn't manage having him in their house being ill themselves. I literally thought my throat had been cut, like you all my benefits stopped and we were expected to live on £542 a month plus CB until benefits took over it was only during this time we were told OH should have applied for DLA and IB months before but the jobcentre had been fobbing us off when i went with him to enquire about it. We went 7 weeks with no money(other than cb) i were isued a notice seeking possession order on my home as HB had not been paid and i were making myself ill with stress and worry.

It took 13 weeks to get DLA which was back dated, 9 weeks for IB which got back dated till feb when ssp ran out and had to wait till 2 sept to get IS as OH still received wages the last of which was paid in july at £283 and dwp said it should last 6 weeks! I am not eligible for CA as OH only gets lower rate care and through trawling these posts have learnt we were being short changed of premiums that had never been mentioned such as an age premium and a family premium, which all adds up when you are still paying off debts that accrued whilst awaiting out comes.

Initially i thought i had made a huge mistake alllowing OH to move in but once things settle you do see the benefits for it. I really though the kids wouldnt get their uniforms either because i usually used the lay away option at the local school clothing store it ws really frightening.

If you have not received the claim form from tax credits ring them and get the form filled out over the phone so you just have to sign it and send it back with appropriate letters and paperwork they request.

I hope this all works out for you in the end.

missstropy

Im the oldest of 6 and my mum scrapped together to give us great christmas's so Ive tended to spoil my 3 a bit. I dont buy for my brothers and sisters but I tend to stick a £5er in a card for each of my 9 nephews and neices.

And yes oldernotwiser my alarm bells are starting to ring never mind his. Hes sweating at the thought of having to part with his money. Hes got no children so I dont think he thought this through as well as he thought he might of if that makes sense.

Time will tell. Eventually I know things will work out for the better, Im just hoping he realizes that and sticks around. If he doesnt then it will just show him up to be bottleless.

I will be no worse off if he doesn't, but Im not going to arguing about money and who pays what and when, Been there, done that with ex years ago, dont want to do it again.

missstropy

Thanks stef240377, I dont know how you coped with the thought of losing your home and your partner being ill. At least you lot have put my mind at rest a little reassurring me that it will be ok in the end.

My ex partner (dad of kids) tried to take the house off me, it was in my name and I put his on it then in the space of three months he'd got 17,000 off the house and buggred off with another woman, married her and had a baby in his nice new home. That was after being with me 17 years and taking himself on regular holidays to America to do his music garbage. There was a lot more crap to it than that but as you can imagine I was very cautious about letting another man move in with me.

And now I have Im in the plop again.

stef240377

Whilst all this was going on all OH's mom would say is this things are sent to try us and if they dont break you they will make you stronger.

Is there no way your partner can lift share to work whilst your struggling this should cut travelling expenses by atleast half. And if you dont peruse all the boards like some of us try going to the money saving old style board and learn how to streeeeech meals so money for groceries will go further.

As for xmas do what you can, buy the time it creeps up on us you should be receiving regular benefits ontop of your partners wages and some would have been back paid (this should help buy the bigger presents.)

I understand fully about what your saying about your partner being a fish out of water where kids and finances ar e concerned, men are fickle creatures and panic when facts and figures hit them. My partner has also gone from it being him and ex wife to me and 3 kids and he has had a big time shock. I cant get over him being with her getting approx 30grand a year and having nothing to show for it, we are now living on half of that and have still managed to pay for xmas, a weeks holiday and a weekend break at the end of october. It just means a lot of forward planning and compromise.

Oldernotwiser

missstropy wrote: »

And yes oldernotwiser my alarm bells are starting to ring never mind his. Hes sweating at the thought of having to part with his money. Hes got no children so I dont think he thought this through as well as he thought he might of if that makes sense.

Time will tell. Eventually I know things will work out for the better, Im just hoping he realizes that and sticks around. If he doesnt then it will just show him up to be bottleless.

I will be no worse off if he doesn't, but Im not going to arguing about money and who pays what and when, Been there, done that with ex years ago, dont want to do it again.

It was your alarm bells I was thinking of, not his! Didn't you sit down and discuss all this sort of thing before he moved in? It all seems a bit unplanned and unprepared for!

mouseymousey99

Hi Hon, just wanted to say if he hasn't actually moved in yet its not too late!! Please be careful, women always put others first. (Sorry I know this is way off subject). Had a similar story with my x. I paid off the mortgage etc and when we got divorced he got the house (huh, how stupid am I??) and has moved his new lady love in there and now has x2 kids!! So please please heed those bells, money is one thing to lose, the hurt is quite another story...sorry board guides..

missstropy

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

It was your alarm bells I was thinking of, not his! Didn't you sit down and discuss all this sort of thing before he moved in? It all seems a bit unplanned and unprepared for!

Yes it was all disgussed before hand. I told him and wrote it down on paper so he could see what I would lose and what he would have to pay for. And he was all for it. All he said is Well sort it out babe!!!

Now its his turn to sort it out until I get something coming in and I dont thing it sunk in until I had nothing in the bank.

Its all character building....

missstropy

And to add another thing there is not a cat in hells chance I will ever put anyone else on my mortgage ever ever ever again. Boyfriend mentioned yesterday that it would be better if he went on it as hes the main earner????????

Why would it make it better. He has no chance and I told him so... He is not the best at keeping payments on anything up. And after ex ripping me off for 17,000 and me having to pay it back Im not doing it again.

Edinburghlass_2

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=925685