Help, required over housing

Melc234

My partner and i have decided to go our seperate ways. We have 3 kids, one disabled, live in a housing association, joint tenacy. He is refusing to move out. Short version is he had us all in tears yesterday, dont want to put kids through any more upset. Ive not a lot of savings, as im a full time carer for my son. Is there any way, i can get rehoused. Dont want to go to a b and b, as son only sleep 2 hrs a night, so the other 2 wouldnt get a sleep. Please help, am sitting in tears again.

pukkamum

didn't want to read and run i would make your first port of call your local housing office ask to speak to someone and tell them everything they may be able to point you in the right direction.
sometimes the council will help you to rent a private house and help you with the deposit.

trinidadone

Melc234 wrote: »

My partner and i have decided to go our seperate ways. We have 3 kids, one disabled, live in a housing association, joint tenacy. He is refusing to move out. Short version is he had us all in tears yesterday, dont want to put kids through any more upset. Ive not a lot of savings, as im a full time carer for my son. Is there any way, i can get rehoused. Dont want to go to a b and b, as son only sleep 2 hrs a night, so the other 2 wouldnt get a sleep. Please help, am sitting in tears again.

sorry t hear your bad experiences. I am sure the local authority should be able to help or at the very least, sign post you else where. How about having a quiet word with the housing association, they might be able to explore solutions??

Mojisola

Does your son have a social worker? It would be worth explaining the situation to him/her. If your son is unsettled by having to move it could create a lot of other problems. It would be better if some way could be found for you and the children to stay put.

ceridwen

That is one very selfish man indeed you have been living with - he'd rather put you and the children through accommodation problems than himself - words fail me!!

You say its a joint tenancy - well - in that case you have every bit as much right as he does to stay there. Personally - I'd go off and visit your Housing Association and explain the situation and say that you want to keep the tenancy and that you will be keeping custody of the children. I have a feeling they will decide from that that you and the children will be the ones staying in the house - and HE will be the one moving out (whatever he thinks). From what I have seen of Housing Associations - they have always been extremely reasonable in their attitude and I would expect them to be helpful.

I understand that if one is a homeowner that the person keeping custody of the children isnt normally expected to move out - its the other partner that does so. I cant see why things should be any different because its a Housing Association tenancy. You are the one with responsibilities - he isnt. One person can manage if they must with one room - but you clearly need somewhere bigger because you have to have space for the children as well. The fact that one of the children has a disability as well makes it even more important that you have sufficient space to live in.

I reckon you should go and see your Housing Association tomorrow - and explain re you having custody of the children and about the extra needs of one of those children. I doubt very much that YOU would be the one moving out - I reckon HE will have to.

PS; I'd also look up a locksmith to change the locks after he has moved out.

EDIT; I've just googled for locksmiths - and promptly came up with stuff re emergency locksmiths and it looks like its possible to get one out at any time of day any day of the year and they would probably be there within an hour or two - not bad going! Dont know what rate they charge for that level of service though - maybe you have a friend or relative who can do it for nothing.

ceridwen

I've just been googling re joint tenancies in Housing Association properties - specifically relationship breakdown.

One "page" I spotted said "If your joint tenant agrees to have his/her name taken off the rent book, the housing association will do this. .....If he/she refuses to have his/her name removed, it is more complicated and you will have to provide evidence that the relationship has broken down...."

Hmmm...well one thing is clear from that...you must refuse to have your name taken off the rent book...he would then have a fight on his hands to have you and the children evicted. At the moment he is probably just trying to psyche you into going - by saying that he refuses to do so. If you stand your ground and refuse to have your name taken off that rent book and point out that you are the one who has custody of the children - I dont think it would take him that long to realise who is likely to win tenancy of the house - YOU.

Right now - I would be thinking what "evidence" I have that the "relationship has broken down"...

EDIT; having realised that the disability you mention is in fact autism - then I think that gives you a VERY good case indeed to be the one who stays put in the house. I dont know much about this - but I gather that means that your child will be particularly averse to having his routine disrupted. A change of home would be a major level disruption to that routine. Somehow I dont think there will be any problem persuading anyone else of that - I think a lot of people would be aware from that that its not a good idea for your children to be expected to move out of their home.

november

Melc234 wrote: »

Short version is he had us all in tears yesterday, dont want to put kids through any more upset.

How did he have you all in tears? I'm asking as that is not acceptable. Yes parents may be in tears if they are upset during a separation but parents shouldn't reduce their children to tears just because they are separating. Do check out this site as I'm wondering if there is a DV situation here? http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence If there isn't I apologise but do check out the definition - DV isn't just physical assault.

The advice about talking to your housing association was good. Also about your keeping your home as that would be in the best interests of your children. Have you seen a solicitor at all? One specializing in Family Law could help with your providing evidence that the relationship has broken down. You could check first if you would be eligible for legal aid.

Melc234

Thanks for all comments, hes threating to get kids took off me, if i dont give him the house. Ive no friends as hes stopped me from seeing them. Hes not violent, just controlling

Scarlett1

Melc234 wrote: »

Thanks for all comments, hes threating to get kids took off me, if i dont give him the house. Ive no friends as hes stopped me from seeing them. Hes not violent, just controlling

Don't give in to him, get free legal advice from a solicitor or the CAB, and go and see the housing association in the morning, if you leave the house you will be seen as intentionally making yourself homeless so won't be housed, there are the other options of privately renting if you feel that you can no longer live with that person any more.

ceridwen

And just how precisely does he think he will get the children taken off you? I've seen men given the custody of the children before now - but, as far as I can see, it doesnt happen very often. I believe the presumption is that the woman will get the custody of the children normally - and I think the only way he would get custody instead is if he can prove you are an unfit parent (presumably something like alcoholic, drugtaking, violent towards them, etc). If you arent doing anything that a normal reasonable person would think was wrong in the way you are bringing them up then you have nothing to fear.

Has he any "stones" he can "cast against you" in the way you are bringing up your children?

Krystaltips

Does he ever leave the house? I would sorely tempted to completley lock him out, double lock the door and leave the key in if you can't afford to get the locks changed... If he kicks off then call the police and get an injunction on him... Job done...